If you grew up hearing the word “wake,” you might picture a home full of people who knew exactly where to stand, what to bring, and how long to stay. Or you might picture something very different: a quiet evening at a funeral home, a guestbook on a table, a line of visitors moving gently toward the family, and someone whispering, “Is this the wake… or the viewing?”
Part of what makes a wake feel confusing is that it isn’t one rigid event. It’s a human need that keeps taking new shapes—depending on faith, culture, geography, and the reality of modern life. At its heart, a wake is simply a gathering that holds the first, tender hours (or days) after a death, giving people a place to show up, keep watch, and begin saying goodbye.
Even the most classic definition is surprisingly simple. A wake is a watch or vigil kept over the body of a person who has died before burial—sometimes solemn, sometimes mixed with warmth and food and memory. That “watch” element matters, because it explains why wakes exist across so many cultures: the earliest versions were about staying present with the dead and with the grieving, when the world still felt unstable and new. According to Encyclopaedia Britannica, the term wake comes from this tradition of keeping watch before burial.
The simplest definition of a wake
In modern practice, families use the word “wake” in a few overlapping ways.
Sometimes it means a gathering the evening before the funeral where people come and go—bringing food, offering condolences, praying, and telling stories. Sometimes it’s used interchangeably with modern wake vs visitation, especially in regions where “wake” is the traditional word people say without thinking. And sometimes it’s a distinctly religious gathering, with a clergy-led service or a rosary, nested inside the open-house flow of visiting.
If you’re sorting out language while planning, it can help to remember that families often choose wakes for emotional reasons, not dictionary reasons. They want a space that feels less formal than the main service, more relational than a ceremony, and wide enough to let many kinds of grief exist in the same room. Funeral homes can host that, churches can host that, and homes can host that—because the wake is more of a “container” than a strict script.
If you want a plain-language breakdown of how families commonly use the words today, Funeral.com’s guide on what a wake is and how it differs from a viewing, visitation, and funeral service is a helpful starting point.
Where wakes come from
Most people have heard of the Irish wake, but wakes didn’t begin in one place. Versions of “keeping watch” show up across time and geography for reasons that feel both practical and spiritual: staying with the body, supporting the family, guarding against fear, and making sure no one had to face the first night alone.
The word “wake” itself carries that original sense of staying awake—to keep vigil. Over time, the vigil meaning blended with the social meaning, so “wake” came to name the gathering that forms around the vigil. That’s why wakes can include prayers and still feel like visiting. They can include laughter and still be deeply reverent. The point isn’t a single mood. The point is presence.
Encyclopaedia Britannica notes that wakes are sometimes accompanied by festivity, and that many cultures have equivalents that are distinct from funeral feasts—another hint that wakes sit in that in-between space.
Irish wake traditions and what people mean by “an Irish wake”
When Americans say “Irish wake traditions,” they often mean a particular blend: an open home, a steady stream of neighbors, food on the table, stories that keep the person close, and a kind of communal permission to speak honestly about death without going quiet and fragile.
Historically, Irish wakes involved keeping watch over the body—often in the home—before burial, with family and friends gathering across many hours or days. Accounts of the tradition emphasize both the vigil and the community life that continued around it. A broad overview of wake traditions across cultures is available from Wikipedia.
It’s worth naming something gently, because people sometimes worry about “doing it wrong.” You don’t need to replicate a historical Irish wake to honor Irish roots. The deeper inheritance is the idea that grief is communal—that love shows up as food, time, stories, and staying.
Catholic wake customs and the “vigil for the deceased”
For many Catholic families, the wake is closely tied to the Church’s vigil. The vigil is not just “a gathering people do.” It’s an official rite meant to be celebrated after death and before the funeral liturgy. In other words: the wake can be social, but it can also be sacramental.
Catholic teaching explains that the vigil for the deceased is the principal rite celebrated between death and the funeral liturgy. Guidance on this practice can be found through the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
This is one reason some wakes feel “church-like” even when held at a funeral home. A family might have an evening visitation that includes a short vigil service, a rosary, or readings. Another family might have an open-house wake with informal visiting first, then a structured prayer time later.
Modern wake vs visitation and wake vs viewing
In everyday speech, “wake,” “viewing,” and “visitation” blur together—especially when grief makes everything feel like a fog of appointments. But the differences are usually about tone and focus, not “right vs wrong.”
A visitation is often the most straightforward term: a scheduled time for people to visit the family and offer condolences. A viewing is a choice within that time—whether there will be an opportunity to see the person who has died. A wake tends to signal something more relational and tradition-shaped.
If you’re trying to plan or simply trying to understand what you’re being invited to, Funeral.com also has a helpful explainer on wake, viewing, visitation, and funeral differences.
What typically happens at a modern wake
A modern wake usually follows a simple emotional logic: create a place where people can arrive, orient themselves, and offer support without needing perfect words.
Informal visiting and “come-and-go” support
Many wakes are designed for people to drop by briefly. It is often enough to show up, sign a guestbook, share a condolence, and leave quietly.
Food, coffee, and the quiet work of hospitality
Food at wakes isn’t about entertaining. It’s a form of care that says, “You don’t have to hold yourself together alone.”
Prayer, readings, and faith rituals
Some wakes include prayer or readings, especially in Catholic settings where a vigil service may be part of the evening.
Stories, toasts, and “saying the person out loud”
Repeatedly hearing stories helps grief slowly settle into reality. Laughter and tears often live side by side.
Wake etiquette for guests
If you’re attending a wake and unsure what to do, remember this: a wake is not a performance. It’s a visit.
For practical guidance, Funeral.com offers a clear overview of wake and visitation etiquette.
Planning a wake at home
Some families choose to host a wake at home, especially when they want a quieter, more personal setting. The focus is less on formality and more on support.
Why wakes still matter
Wakes create breathing room. They allow grief to be witnessed rather than rushed. Whether held in a home, church, or funeral home, they continue to offer something deeply human: the chance to keep watch, together.
