If you’ve ever found yourself Googling wake vs viewing or visitation vs funeral at 1 a.m., you’re not alone. Families often inherit a swirl of terms in the days after a death—some from a funeral home, some from a church, some from relatives who “have always done it this way.” And because grief compresses time, even simple questions can feel loaded: Do we need a wake? Is a viewing the same thing? Are we supposed to have both a visitation and a funeral?
Here’s the comforting truth: these gatherings are less like rigid “required steps” and more like flexible containers for what people need—goodbyes, prayers, stories, structure, and support. The words overlap, the order changes by region and faith, and plenty of families combine events without losing what matters most. This guide untangles the meanings and helps you choose the rhythm that fits your life, your people, and your budget—whether you’re planning a traditional service, a simple farewell, or something that includes cremation urns, cremation jewelry, or a memorial for a beloved pet.
Why the terms get mixed up
Part of the confusion is that funeral customs have changed quickly in the last couple of decades. Cremation is now the majority choice in the U.S.—the National Funeral Directors Association reports a U.S. cremation rate of 60.5% in 2023, projected to rise to 81.4% by 2045. That shift affects timing: a family might have a gathering with the body present, or they might have a memorial weeks later with an urn. When the “order” becomes flexible, the vocabulary gets blurrier.
Also, people use different words for the same thing. In some places, “wake” means an evening gathering with food and stories. Elsewhere, “wake” is the formal pre-service time at the funeral home. “Visitation” might mean the same thing as “viewing,” or it might mean “the hours people can stop by,” whether the casket is open or not. You’re not missing something—you’re simply hearing multiple dialects of the same human impulse: come together, witness the loss, and hold the family up.
What a wake usually means
Traditionally, a wake is a gathering that happens before the formal service—often the evening prior. It may be held at a funeral home, a family home, or a religious space. The tone is usually more “coming and going” than “everybody sit down at 2:00 sharp.” People arrive in waves, speak to the family, sign a guestbook, and share memories. Depending on culture and preference, a wake can include prayer, readings, a rosary, a slideshow, or simply quiet conversation.
If you’re wondering about the difference between wake and funeral, one way to think of it is this: the wake creates room for connection; the funeral creates a shared moment of tribute with a clear beginning and end. Many families find that having both helps—others find that one well-planned gathering is enough.
Catholic wake traditions and the Vigil
In Catholic practice, the “wake” is closely tied to the Vigil (sometimes called the Vigil Service). The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops notes that the Vigil Service usually takes place during the period of visitation and viewing, and centers on prayer with the community. If you’ve heard relatives say “we’ll do the rosary at the wake,” that’s the Vigil showing up in everyday language.
Importantly, even within Catholic families, the wake can be both spiritual and deeply personal—prayers alongside stories, tears alongside laughter. And if your family is planning a Catholic service but wants a plain-language walkthrough, Funeral.com’s guide to Catholic Funeral Mass explained can help you feel oriented without feeling overwhelmed.
What a visitation is (and what a viewing adds)
A visitation is usually the scheduled window when friends, neighbors, coworkers, and extended family can come offer condolences. If you’re asking what is a visitation, think “open house for support.” It can be held the evening before the service, the same day, or (in some cases) not at all.
A viewing is not always a separate event—it’s an option within a visitation. When people ask what happens at a viewing, the practical answer is simple: the family chooses whether the casket is open, closed, or not present; guests can decide whether to approach. Some people find seeing the body helpful for reality and closure; others don’t. There is no “right” response.
If you want a fuller “what to expect” guide (including the small social uncertainties that can make people anxious), Funeral.com has a very practical article on what happens at a visitation or viewing.
What a funeral service usually is
A funeral service is the more structured ceremony. It typically has a set start time and a program—religious rites or secular readings, music, a eulogy, moments of silence, and often a closing act that points toward committal (burial, entombment, cremation, or a final procession).
So when you’re weighing visitation vs funeral, here’s the clearest distinction: visitation is a time window; a funeral is a planned ceremony. Funeral.com’s guide to what happens at a funeral service is useful if you’re building an order of service for visitation and funeral and want to know what’s typical.
Also, you may hear “funeral” used interchangeably with “memorial,” but they’re not always the same. Many people use “funeral” to mean “the main ceremony,” regardless of whether the body is present. If you’re trying to get precise—especially when coordinating travel and expectations—Funeral.com’s explainer on the difference between a funeral and a memorial service can help you choose language that matches your plan.
How cremation affects wake, visitation, and funeral planning
Because cremation is now so common, many families are rethinking types of funeral services and how to sequence events. The NFDA projected a 61.9% U.S. cremation rate in 2024, reflecting how quickly cremation has become “normal” for families of every background.
That doesn’t mean a family has to give up traditional gatherings. It just means you have options:
- Body present first, then cremation. This can include a wake/visitation with viewing, then a funeral service, then cremation afterward.
- Cremation first, then a memorial with ashes present. This often looks like a visitation and service with an urn as the focal point, sometimes weeks later to allow travel.
When ashes are present, families often choose a primary memorial from the cremation urns for ashes collection—something designed to be displayed with dignity during the gathering and then kept at home or interred later. If you’re at the stage of choosing, the Funeral.com collection of cremation urns for ashes offers a broad starting point, and How to choose a cremation urn that fits your plans is a gentle way to match the urn to what happens next—home, burial, travel, or scattering.
Small urns, keepsakes, and sharing across a family
Sometimes the emotional reality is this: one household wants the urn at home, another wants a cemetery interment, and a sibling far away wants something tangible too. That’s where small cremation urns and keepsake urns can be less about “products” and more about peace within the family.
A main urn might hold most remains, while keepsake urns hold a small portion for sharing. Funeral.com’s keepsake urns collection and small cremation urns for ashes collection are designed for exactly that kind of “multiple households, one loved one” reality. If dividing remains is on your mind, the Journal article on keepsake and sharing urns can help you think it through with care.
And if you’re wondering whether you’re unusual for wanting the ashes close, you’re not. According to the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), many families keep cremated remains at home, and the topic is common enough that CANA has published consumer research and guidance around memorialization habits. For families navigating keeping ashes at home, Funeral.com’s guide to keeping ashes at home safely, respectfully, and legally is a grounding read.
Cremation jewelry and discreet remembrance
Some people don’t want an urn visible on a shelf, but they still want closeness. cremation jewelry—including cremation necklaces—can be a private, everyday way to carry a small portion of ashes. Funeral.com’s cremation jewelry and cremation necklaces collections support that choice, and Cremation jewelry 101 answers the practical questions people often feel shy about asking out loud.
Water burial and “what do we do with the ashes?”
Some of the most important decisions show up after the service: what to do with ashes, whether you’ll keep them, bury them, scatter them, or choose water burial. If a lake, ocean, or shoreline ceremony feels like the most honest goodbye, Funeral.com’s guide to water burial walks through what it can look like in real life—not in brochure language.
Combining events without losing what matters
Many families feel pressure to “do everything”: wake, visitation, viewing, funeral, graveside, reception. But you’re allowed to choose a simpler path. If you’re asking do you need both wake and funeral, the practical answer is no. You need enough structure to support the people who loved the person who died.
Here are a few common, meaningful combinations that support planning simple funeral events:
- A single evening visitation/wake that includes a short service (religious or secular)
- A visitation immediately followed by the funeral service on the same day (especially when travel is hard)
- A graveside-only service (brief, focused, often less expensive)
- A cremation-first memorial later (especially when you want time to plan a secular celebration of life vs funeral)
Cost is often part of the conversation, and it’s okay to name that without guilt. The NFDA statistics page lists national median costs (for 2023) of $8,300 for a funeral with viewing and burial and $6,280 for a funeral with cremation. If your family is also trying to understand how much does cremation cost in context—packages, add-ons, and what’s optional—Funeral.com’s average funeral and cremation costs guide and how much does cremation cost overview can help you ask better questions and feel less at the mercy of a price sheet.
Etiquette: how to attend without overthinking it
A lot of the stress around these gatherings is social, not logistical—people worry about saying the wrong thing or standing in the wrong place. If you’re looking for etiquette for attending a wake or what to do if there’s an open casket, aim for respect over perfection.
A few simple anchors help most people:
- Keep condolences short and sincere. “I’m so sorry” and “I loved them” is enough.
- If there is a viewing, you may approach—or you may not. Either choice is acceptable.
- Stay as long as you can without draining yourself (especially if you’re grieving too).
- If you’re unsure about clothing, Funeral.com’s what to wear to a funeral, wake, or celebration of life keeps it simple and humane.
Choosing the right type of service for your family
If you’re stuck between tradition and practicality, try asking a few questions that focus on purpose—not labels. This helps with choosing the right type of service more than any dictionary definition:
Do we want a time for people to come and go (visitation/wake)? Do we want a structured ceremony (funeral/memorial)? Do we want the body present, or would ashes and photographs feel right? Do we need the gathering quickly for closure, or later for travel and planning? And what would feel like “enough” to your family—enough support, enough honoring, enough goodbye?
Sometimes the clearest plan is also the gentlest: one gathering that includes both connection and tribute, without forcing anyone through extra steps. And sometimes families realize they want two different moments—one intimate and informal, one ceremonial and communal. Either path can be deeply loving.
