The first time you attend an Orthodox funeral, the room can feel both unfamiliar and deeply human. The candles, the chanting, the steady rhythm of prayers—everything seems to say that grief has a language, and the community knows how to speak it. If you are new to Eastern Christianity, one moment may stand out more than any other: near the end of the service, people quietly approach the deceased to offer a final act of reverence, sometimes called the Orthodox kiss of peace funeral or the last kiss Orthodox funeral. It can feel tender. It can also feel intimidating—especially if you’re unsure what to do, what is expected, or what’s acceptable if you have health concerns or personal discomfort.
This guide is meant to make that moment steadier. You’ll learn what the gesture means, how it’s typically done, and how to take part respectfully without feeling pressured. Along the way, you’ll also see how this ritual fits into the wider shape of Eastern Orthodox funeral customs, including what a viewing looks like, what “paying respects” can mean in an Orthodox context, and how thoughtful funeral planning helps families avoid last-minute confusion when grief is already heavy.
Why this farewell matters in Orthodox tradition
In many Orthodox communities, death is faced with honesty and hope at the same time. The funeral is not a celebration in the modern, upbeat sense—but it isn’t only despair, either. It holds grief in one hand and the promise of resurrection in the other. That is why Orthodox funerals often include an open casket (when circumstances allow), visible prayers for the departed, and a final opportunity for loved ones to say goodbye in a direct, embodied way. The “kiss” is not a random custom; it is a pastoral, communal way of acknowledging that a person mattered, that the body is treated with dignity, and that love doesn’t stop simply because life has changed.
As the Orthodox Church in America explains, the funeral service concludes with the faithful offering a “final kiss,” followed by the singing of “Memory Eternal.” That placement is meaningful: the gesture comes after prayer, scripture, and communal remembrance, when the congregation has been led—step by step—toward a calm, reverent farewell.
What the “kiss of peace” symbolizes
The phrase “kiss of peace” can sound like it belongs to a liturgical greeting between living people—and in many Christian traditions it does. At funerals, though, the meaning shifts. In this setting, the gesture is less about greeting and more about veneration: an act of honor, love, and prayerful farewell. Many people describe it as the physical punctuation at the end of a sentence that has been forming all service long. You have prayed. You have listened. You have remembered. Now you offer one last sign that you are present, and that the person’s life deserves reverence.
In Orthodox practice, this is often connected to the veneration of the deceased Orthodox—not worship, but honor. The body is treated with respect because it was the person’s dwelling in life and because Orthodox theology holds a strong view of the resurrection of the body. Parish burial guidelines from Christ the Savior Orthodox Church note that, according to Orthodox practice, the coffin traditionally remains open until the “Last Kiss” at the end of the service, underscoring how this final farewell is woven into the rite itself.
If you grew up in a culture where death is kept at a distance, the closeness of this moment can feel startling. But for many Orthodox families, it is one of the most consoling parts of the day—because it makes grief concrete. It gives your love somewhere to go.
How the “last kiss” is typically done
In practice, this moment is usually simple and quiet. After the final prayers, people form a line and approach the casket one by one. Depending on local custom and the person’s tradition (Greek, Russian, Antiochian, Serbian, Ukrainian, and others may vary), you may see a few common patterns.
What you may see at the front of the church
Often, the deceased is holding or accompanied by sacred items—such as a cross, an icon, or a small Gospel book. In some communities, people kiss the cross or icon rather than kissing the deceased directly. In others, they may kiss the forehead or hand of the departed, sometimes after making the sign of the cross. The key thing to remember is that this is not about performing a perfect sequence. It is about approaching with reverence.
What to do if you’re unsure
If you’re a guest and you don’t know the “right” way, you have two gentle options that almost always work. First, you can watch one or two people ahead of you and mirror the simplest version of what they do. Second, you can choose a quieter form of respect—standing briefly, bowing your head, and stepping aside—without drawing attention to yourself. In most Orthodox communities, people are not judging visitors for imperfect choreography. They are grateful you came.
If you want a broader primer on what it feels like to enter a space where the deceased is present—how long to stay, what to say, and how to navigate a line of mourners—Funeral.com’s guide to wake, viewing, and visitation etiquette can help you feel less self-conscious before you even walk through the door.
Guest etiquette: respectful participation without pressure
The most important rule of Orthodox funeral etiquette is this: you do not have to force yourself into a gesture that feels unsafe, inappropriate, or emotionally overwhelming. Orthodox funerals are communal, but they are also pastoral. Clergy and families generally understand that health concerns, trauma histories, disabilities, and anxiety exist—especially after the last several years of global illness and heightened awareness about contagion.
If you want to honor the moment while choosing an alternative, keep it small and sincere. Your calm matters more than your perfection. Here are a few respectful options that usually fit within how to pay respects Orthodox settings without disrupting the flow:
- Bow your head briefly at the casket, then step aside for the next person.
- Make the sign of the cross (if it is your practice), or place your hand over your heart for a moment.
- Venerate the icon or cross with a small bow instead of a kiss, especially if you have health concerns.
If you are attending as a non-Orthodox guest, it is also okay to keep your hands at your sides, stand quietly, and offer a silent prayer or intention. In many churches, the gentlest form of respect is simply presence.
Health concerns and personal boundaries: what’s appropriate to ask
If you are close family and you’re worried about germs, immunity, or anxiety around touching, you may wonder whether you should ask the priest or funeral director about alternatives. In most cases, yes—especially if you are responsible for helping coordinate the flow of the service. A simple, private question before the funeral begins can prevent awkwardness later. Clergy often have practical solutions: encouraging people to venerate an icon rather than the body, spacing the line, or offering a brief instruction in a way that preserves dignity.
As a guest, you do not need to announce your reasons. You can quietly choose a non-contact gesture and move along. If someone notices and asks later, a simple “I wanted to be respectful, but I’m being cautious” is enough. Grief is not a performance, and boundaries do not dishonor the dead.
Where the ritual fits in the broader Orthodox funeral experience
For many families, the “last kiss” is meaningful precisely because it comes at the end of a full liturgical journey. Orthodox funerals often include scripture readings, hymns, and repeated prayers that ask for rest and mercy. The phrase “Memory Eternal” can be especially moving—because it reframes remembrance as something more than nostalgia. It becomes a prayer that the person will be held in God’s care and in the community’s love. A parish teaching handout on Orthodox funeral practices notes that after the dismissal and “Memory Eternal,” friends come forward to offer their final kiss and say goodbye to the departed, often by kissing a cross or icon rather than the body directly.
This is also why, in many Orthodox contexts, a viewing is not treated as an optional add-on. It is woven into the spiritual logic of the service. If you are planning an Orthodox funeral and want a clearer sense of how “wake,” “viewing,” and “funeral” differ in modern practice, Funeral.com’s article on wake, viewing, visitation, and funeral differences can help you set expectations for relatives who haven’t attended a service in years.
Planning realities: when tradition meets modern choices
Many Orthodox families don’t need to think about cremation because burial is still the norm. But modern life is complicated. Families move. Budgets are tight. Death sometimes occurs far from home. And sometimes cremation happens before a priest is consulted—especially when decisions must be made quickly. In those moments, families can feel caught between faith and circumstance.
Even in the wider U.S. landscape, cremation is increasingly common. The National Funeral Directors Association reported that the U.S. cremation rate was projected at 61.9% in 2024, with projections continuing upward over time. The Cremation Association of North America similarly reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024, with further projections into the coming years. Those numbers don’t change Orthodox theology—but they do explain why so many interfaith and extended families find themselves navigating new questions in the middle of grief.
If cremation is being considered in an Orthodox family—or has already occurred—early conversation matters. Funeral.com’s guide on which religions allow cremation offers a practical overview that can help you ask the right questions of your priest and your funeral home without feeling blindsided.
If cremation is part of your family’s story: urns, keepsakes, and what comes next
Sometimes the most compassionate way to support a grieving family is to acknowledge reality without judgment. If cremation is part of your plan—whether because of cost, distance, or circumstance—you may also be facing practical questions that are surprisingly emotional: what to do with ashes, whether keeping ashes at home is appropriate, and how to choose something that feels dignified.
This is where cremation urns become more than an object. A primary urn can be a temporary “home base” while a family decides on burial, a niche, or a later ceremony. If you’re comparing styles and materials, Funeral.com’s collection of cremation urns for ashes makes it easier to browse without translating a dozen categories in your head. For families who prefer a smaller footprint—or who are dividing ashes between households—small cremation urns can be a practical and comforting option. And when multiple relatives want a tangible connection, keepsake urns can reduce conflict by turning “one decision” into “shared care.”
If your questions are more logistical than emotional right now, you may also be trying to understand how much does cremation cost in real, everyday terms. Funeral.com’s 2025 guide on cremation costs and common fees can help you compare quotes and understand what is included—without feeling like you have to become an expert overnight.
Pet loss and Orthodox families: honoring a bond that still feels present
Orthodox families grieve pets, too, and the tenderness of that grief often catches people off guard. A pet’s death can reopen older losses, especially for children, elderly family members, or anyone who relied on that animal for companionship. If your family is looking for a dignified way to hold a pet’s remains, Funeral.com’s collection of pet urns for ashes offers many styles, from classic wood to photo-frame designs. Families who want something that feels like a small memorial sculpture often find comfort in pet cremation urns that resemble a dog or cat figure. And for shared remembrance—especially in families where “the dog belonged to all of us”—pet keepsake cremation urns can allow more than one person to hold a small portion without turning grief into negotiation.
Cremation jewelry: a private, portable form of remembrance
Some people want remembrance that is quiet and close—something they can carry into ordinary days. Cremation jewelry is designed for exactly that: a tiny portion of ashes sealed inside a pendant, charm, or locket. If you’re browsing, Funeral.com’s collection of cremation jewelry offers a wide overview, and the focused collection of cremation necklaces can help you compare daily-wear styles that feel discreet and durable. For many families, this becomes part of practical funeral planning: it allows multiple loved ones to carry a connection without needing to divide a primary urn dramatically.
If you want a calm walkthrough before purchasing—what “sealed” really means, how pieces are filled, and what to expect over time—Funeral.com’s Journal guide, A Calm Guide to Urns, Keepsakes, and Memorial Jewelry, is designed to answer those questions without overwhelm.
Keeping ashes at home and water burial: choices that deserve clear guidance
Families often make decisions in stages. Even when you know where you want ashes to end up long-term, you may choose keeping ashes at home temporarily because the timing isn’t right yet. If you’re in that in-between season, Funeral.com’s guide on keeping ashes at home safely and respectfully walks through common concerns—pets, children, visitors, humidity, and how to store remains in a way that feels calm.
Some families also feel drawn to water as a setting for goodbye. The term water burial can mean scattering at sea or using a biodegradable urn designed to float briefly and then dissolve. If you’re exploring that option, Funeral.com’s planning guide to water burial and burial at sea explains what families need to know in practical terms, so the day itself can feel peaceful rather than stressful.
A closing reassurance for guests and families
The “kiss of peace” at an Orthodox funeral can be one of the most tender moments you will ever witness. It is not meant to trap anyone in discomfort or to create a test for visitors. It is meant to give love a final language when words run out.
If you are attending as a guest, your presence is already a gift. Approach the moment with quiet respect, follow the lead of the community, and remember that a simple bow, a whispered prayer, or a steady hand offered to the grieving can carry the same reverence as any ritual gesture.
If you are planning a funeral, the most loving thing you can do is remove uncertainty where you can: ask the priest about local custom, tell relatives what to expect, and give people permission to choose respectful alternatives. Whether your family is following long-held tradition or navigating modern realities like cremation, urn decisions, or distance, you do not have to do it perfectly. You only have to do it with care.
