Irish Wake Drinking Etiquette: What’s Normal, What to Avoid, and How to Be Respectful

The first time you walk into an Irish wake, you may feel two emotions at once: grief for the family, and uncertainty about what’s expected of you. You might hear warm conversation in one corner, quiet prayer in another, and someone offering tea—or a drink—near the kitchen. If you’re wondering do you drink at an irish wake, you’re not alone.

Here’s the guiding principle: irish wake drinking is not the point of the gathering. It may appear as one expression of hospitality, but it’s never more important than presence, steadiness, and respect. When you keep the focus on the family, you almost cannot go wrong.

Start with the room: what an Irish wake is meant to hold

A wake is a gathering that keeps company with the bereaved in the early days of loss. According to Encyclopaedia Britannica, the term “wake” comes from keeping watch or a vigil before burial. That idea—staying close, not leaving people alone—helps explain why wakes often feel different from other social gatherings. Even when there is food and storytelling, the purpose is care.

Modern wakes vary widely by family, religion, and location. Some are held in funeral homes with structured visiting hours; others happen in a private home where neighbors come and go. If you want a quick, practical picture of what wakes look like today, Funeral.com’s guide on what a wake is in modern funerals lays out the basics in plain language.

Irish wake drinking etiquette: what’s normal

In some families, a drink is offered in the same spirit as a cup of tea: “Take a seat. Have something. Stay a while.” In other families, alcohol is absent entirely—because of venue rules, children present, faith preferences, or a family’s personal relationship with drinking. That’s why irish wake etiquette starts with one skill: reading the room and following the lead of the immediate family.

If you are offered a drink and you want one, accept it quietly and keep it modest. If you don’t want alcohol, a warm decline is completely appropriate.

• “Thank you—I’m going to stick with tea tonight.”
• “I appreciate it, but I’m keeping it light.”
• “Not tonight, but thank you for offering.”

Those simple lines help you stay grounded while protecting the room’s tone. This is the heart of respectful behavior at wake: you help keep the space safe for grief.

What to bring, what to avoid, and how to keep the focus on the family

People often ask should you bring alcohol to a wake because they don’t want to appear disrespectful. A good rule is: only bring alcohol if you are close to the family and you know it fits their wishes and the venue. If you are unsure, do not bring it. You can support the family more reliably in other ways.

When you’re deciding what to bring to an irish wake, think comfort and practicality. Food that can be set out easily, a short condolence card, or a specific offer of help (rides, errands, childcare, meal delivery) usually lands well across many funeral wake traditions. If the gathering includes refreshments, Funeral.com’s article on wake cake in Irish tradition offers a thoughtful view of how food and hospitality can be a quiet way of showing care.

What to avoid is simpler than people think: don’t get intoxicated, don’t get louder than the room, don’t pressure anyone else to drink, and don’t pry for details about the death. Also avoid posting photos or videos unless the family clearly invites it. If you want a broader refresher on timing, dress, and how long to stay, Funeral.com’s wake, viewing, and visitation etiquette guide can help you move through the event with confidence and sensitivity.

Finally, remember that you don’t need perfect words. If you’re worried about what to say, Funeral.com’s guide to condolences etiquette offers language that is simple and sincere. Quiet, practical bereavement support—like offering a ride home, checking whether the family has eaten, or helping an older relative find a chair—can be just as meaningful as anything you say.

After the wake: the practical decisions many families face

When the wake ends and the house quiets, many families face decisions that feel both practical and emotionally loaded. This is where funeral planning can feel overwhelming: choosing a disposition method, coordinating relatives traveling in, and deciding what kind of memorial makes sense now—and what can wait. If you already know cremation is likely, planning ahead for cremation can help you put key preferences in writing while you are thinking clearly.

Cremation is a common choice for many families today. On its statistics page, the National Funeral Directors Association notes a projected U.S. cremation rate of 63.4% for 2025. The Cremation Association of North America reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024 and projects it rising over time. Those trends help explain why so many families find themselves asking not only “Are we choosing cremation?” but also “What comes next after cremation?”

If your family is looking for a step-by-step framework, Funeral.com’s guide on how to plan a funeral can help you take the next decision, not every decision.

Cremation urns, small cremation urns, and keepsake urns

Choosing cremation urns becomes easier when you start with a plan. Will the ashes be kept together, divided among relatives, buried, or scattered later? If you want one primary vessel, begin with Funeral.com’s collection of cremation urns for ashes. If more than one household will share, small cremation urns can help distribute remains thoughtfully. For a token amount or a small shared portion, keepsake urns are often the most emotionally practical choice, especially when multiple relatives want a tangible connection.

If you want guidance on materials, placement, and sizing, Funeral.com’s article on how to choose a cremation urn connects those details to real-life family decisions.

Keeping ashes at home, water burial, and what to do with ashes

keeping ashes at home is common, especially when a family needs time before a later burial or scattering. The key is agreement: talk with the closest relatives about where the urn will live and what the long-term plan is. Funeral.com’s guide on keeping ashes at home offers practical guidance on respectful placement, safety, and family boundaries.

If you are still deciding what to do with ashes, Funeral.com’s guide on what to do with ashes walks through common options, including interment and scattering. For water burial or scattering at sea in the U.S., the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency explains federal guidelines (including distance-from-shore requirements and reporting), and Funeral.com’s article on water burial translates those rules into practical planning steps families can follow.

Cremation jewelry and cremation necklaces

cremation jewelry is designed to hold a very small portion of ashes so someone can carry that connection into daily life. Many families combine approaches: one home urn, a few keepsakes, and one or two pieces of cremation necklaces or other jewelry for the people who feel comforted by something wearable. Funeral.com’s Cremation Jewelry 101 explains what these pieces are and how families typically fill and seal them, and the cremation jewelry collection is a gentle place to browse options—including cremation necklaces in a range of styles.

How much does cremation cost?

Asking how much does cremation cost is responsible, not rude. Costs vary by region and by whether you choose direct cremation or a service with viewing and staff time. For a national benchmark, the National Funeral Directors Association reports a 2023 national median cost of $6,280 for a funeral with cremation (including viewing and service), compared with $8,300 for a similar funeral with burial, not including cemetery costs. Funeral.com’s guide on how much does cremation cost breaks down common fees and helps families compare options without feeling rushed.

Pet urns for ashes and pet loss

Not every “wake” is for a person. Many families hold a small, private gathering after a beloved pet dies—sharing stories and choosing a memorial that fits the bond. If you are considering pet urns, Funeral.com’s guide to pet urns for ashes covers sizing and options in a clear, compassionate way.

When you are ready to browse, start with pet cremation urns, then narrow to styles that feel personal—like pet figurine cremation urns or pet keepsake cremation urns when more than one person wants to share remembrance.

A final note on respect

Whether a wake is shaped by wake customs ireland or by a family’s own tradition, the etiquette is the same: keep the focus on the people who are hurting. If alcohol is present, let it stay in the background. If it isn’t, let your support stay warm anyway. And when the next steps involve urns, keepsakes, or costs, remember that grief rarely needs speed—it needs steadiness.