The moment you learn that someone you love has died by suicide, time can feel split in two. There is the âbeforeâ where you were simply living your life, and the âafterâ where everything is suddenly arranged around shock, questions, phone calls, and a grief that doesnât behave like the grief you expected. Many suicide loss survivors describe it as grief braided with traumaâgrief that can come with vivid memories of the moment you found out, and waves of guilt, anger, shame, or numbness that feel like they arrive without warning.
If youâre here because youâre trying to figure out what to say, what to do, or how to get through the next hour, youâre not alone. And you are not to blame for this death. Public health experts describe suicide as the end point of a complex mix of factorsâoften including mental health conditions, stressors, and biologyârather than one conversation, one missed sign, or one personâs failure. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2023. CDC That statistic doesnât make any single loss easier, but it can gently remind you that this kind of grief is tragically commonâand that support exists specifically for it.
The first days can feel unbearable, so focus on whatâs immediately in front of you
Right after a death by suicide, people often feel pressured to âhandle everythingâ quicklyâinform family, make arrangements, answer texts, decide what to post, choose words, coordinate travel. If you can, try to let this be a two-person job. Even one steady helperâsomeone who can sit beside you, take notes, and make callsâcan reduce the sense that youâre carrying the entire world alone.
Practically, the process may include contact with emergency services and, in many cases, the coroner or medical examiner. That can affect timing, and it can also create a feeling of being âstuckâ while you wait for information. When youâre ready to start funeral planning, a funeral director can guide you through whatâs possible right now, what must wait, and what decisions can be delayed. Funeral.comâs guide on how to plan a funeral in 7 steps is written for families who need clarity without pressure.
It may help to remember this: you donât have to solve the whole future today. In the earliest days, youâre mostly choosing a path that is âgood enoughâ and safeâsomething that respects your loved one and keeps you from collapsing under the weight of details.
Language matters, especially when youâre already carrying stigma
After suicide, many families discover theyâre not only grieving the personâtheyâre grieving in a world that still carries stigma around how the death happened. Words can either soften that stigma or sharpen it.
Many suicide prevention and survivor organizations recommend phrases like âdied by suicideâ or âdied of suicide,â because they avoid the moral or criminal tone some older phrases carry. The International Association for Suicide Prevention encourages these kinds of terms as more sensitive, evolving language. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention also highlights the importance of avoiding âcommitted suicide,â which can echo the language of crime and wrongdoing.
If youâre searching for something simple to sayâespecially when youâre speaking to extended family, coworkers, or community membersâgentle clarity can be enough: âThey died by suicide,â or âThey died after a long struggle with mental health,â or even, âThey died suddenly; our family is devastated.â You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to be private. You are allowed to change your mind later about what you share.
Talking with children and teens: honesty, warmth, and the right amount of detail
Adults often want to protect children from pain by avoiding the truth. But many clinicians emphasize that children tend to do better with honest, age-appropriate explanations than with confusing half-stories that they later discover werenât true. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention notes that people grieving a suicide can feel many emotions at onceâshock, guilt, anger, confusion, and moreâand that reactions can vary widely from person to person.
What âage-appropriateâ usually means is simple and concrete, without graphic details. For younger kids, families often use language like: âThey died because their brain was very sick, and they werenât able to keep themselves safe.â With older kids and teens, you can acknowledge more complexity while still avoiding specifics: âThey died by suicide. Suicide is complicated, and itâs not caused by one person or one event. We all loved them, and we will keep loving them.â
You may see children ask the same questions repeatedly. Thatâs not disrespect. Itâs how many kids process big informationâcircling back to test whether the story stays the same and whether the adults are still safe to lean on. Teens, on the other hand, may look âfineâ while privately spiraling, especially if the death touches their own fears or vulnerabilities. If youâre supporting a young person through this, Funeral.comâs guide to child and teen grief support can help you think through what support looks like at different ages.
Funeral and obituary decisions after suicide: you get to choose whatâs shared
Families often worry that a funeral after suicide will be âdifferent,â or that people will be uncomfortable. In reality, a funeral is still what it has always been: a gathering shaped by love, relationship, and the need to mark a life. Some families choose a traditional service; others prefer something smaller, more private, or delayed until the initial shock softens.
One of the most tender pressure points is the obituary. Do you say suicide? Do you hint at it? Do you say nothing? Thereâs no universal right answerâonly what feels safest, truest, and most survivable for your family. Funeral.comâs step-by-step obituary guide is helpful here because it explicitly affirms that families may include a cause of death, or choose not to, and both are acceptable.
If it helps to have âoptionsâ rather than one heavy decision, many families choose one of these approaches:
- A brief acknowledgment (âdied by suicideâ) without details
- A privacy-forward statement (âdied after a long struggleâ / âdied suddenlyâ)
- No mention of cause, with focus on life, relationships, and service information
Whatever you choose, you can still honor the whole personâwhat they loved, who they were to you, the ordinary kindnesses and habits that made them them. Suicide may be part of the story, but it does not get to be the only chapter.
Support that actually fits suicide loss: peer connection, trauma-informed care, and gentle structure
General grief support can help, but suicide loss often benefits from specialized spaces where you donât have to educate the room about stigma, intrusive thoughts, or the âwhat ifâ spiral. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention maintains suicide-loss resources, including ways to find support groups and survivor programs. Many survivors also find a unique kind of understanding through the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, which offers a moderated online community and education created by survivors themselves.
Therapy can help too, especially when the loss is trauma-lacedâflashbacks, panic when the phone rings, a sense of unreality, or fear that you âshould have prevented it.â A trauma-informed therapist (often trained in grief and trauma modalities) can help your nervous system settle enough to think, sleep, and function again. If youâre deciding what kind of help to look for, Funeral.comâs guide to grief support groups and counseling can help you compare support groups, one-on-one counseling, faith-based care, and online communities.
Safety concerns for other family members: itâs okay to be direct
After a suicide, many families become quietly scared for everyone else. You may find yourself watching your phone, re-reading texts, or feeling panicked when someone doesnât answer right away. That vigilance is a common trauma responseâand itâs also a sign you care deeply.
If youâre worried about someone elseâs safety, itâs okay to ask plainly: âAre you thinking about hurting yourself?â Asking does not âput the ideaâ in someoneâs head; it can open a door to honesty and immediate support. If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
For immediate crisis support in the U.S., the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by call, text, or chat. In Canada, 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline offers crisis support as well. If youâre outside the U.S. or Canada (or youâre unsure what number applies where you are), the IASP Find A Helpline directory lets you look up crisis lines by country. For LGBTQ+ youth who want specialized support, the Trevor Project provides 24/7 options via phone, chat, and text.
Memorializing a loved one who died by suicide: honor the whole life, not just the death
Some survivors feel pressure to âmake meaningâ quickly, as if a beautifully written tribute will solve the unsolvable. Others feel numb and canât imagine planning anything beyond the basics. Both are normal. The point of memorialization is not to perform grief correctlyâitâs to create a place where love can land.
For some families, that place is communal: a service with photos, stories, and music that sounds like their person. For others, itâs private: a letter slipped into a pocket, a recipe cooked on a hard day, a quiet walk where you talk to them under your breath.
And for families who choose cremation, tangible keepsakes can become steady anchors in an unsteady time. Cremation is now the most common choice in the U.S.; the National Funeral Directors Association reported a cremation rate of about 60.5% in 2023, with projections continuing to rise. If youâre considering that path, Funeral.comâs cremation urns for ashes collection can help you explore styles that feel dignified and personal, while keepsake urns can be an option when multiple family members want a small portion close.
Some people prefer something wearable rather than visible on a shelf. A cremation necklace can be a private way to carry connection into everyday lifeâschool drop-offs, commutes, grocery store aislesâmoments when grief can hit out of nowhere. If thatâs something youâre curious about, Funeral.comâs guide to cremation jewelry explains how it works, what it holds, and how families often pair it with a main urn.
Long-term healing after suicide bereavement: grief changes shape, not love
People sometimes promise survivors, âIt gets better,â and then feel awkward when it doesnât get better on a neat timeline. A more honest truth is that grief changes shape. In time, many survivors learn how to carry it differentlyâhow to build a life around the hole without pretending the hole isnât there.
Anniversaries, birthdays, and unexpected reminders can still hurt. You might be okay for weeks and then unravel in a grocery store aisle because you see their favorite snack. If you need a gentle structure for the months ahead, Funeral.comâs article on when grief feels overwhelming can help you name what youâre experiencing and decide what kind of support might help you keep going.
If you take nothing else from this guide, hold onto this: you can miss them fiercely and still deserve care. You can be angry and still love them. You can be exhausted and still be a good parent, partner, sibling, friend. There is no perfect way to survive thisâbut support, language, and compassionate rituals can make the road less lonely.
