You see the message, or the post, or the email subject line—and your body goes a little still. Someone you know is grieving, and you can already feel the pressure: say something kind, don’t make it worse, don’t sound scripted, don’t disappear. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, and suddenly every sentence feels too small for what happened.
If you’re searching for what to say when someone dies, you’re not alone. Most people don’t go quiet because they don’t care; they go quiet because they care, and they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. A good text doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to do three simple things: acknowledge the loss, name your care, and offer support in a way that doesn’t create extra work for the person who is grieving.
This guide is here to give you steady language you can actually send—real condolence text messages for close friends, family, coworkers, and people you don’t know well—along with clear examples of what not to say to someone grieving (and what to say instead). If you want even more ready-to-use phrasing for different situations, Funeral.com’s Journal has a companion guide with additional templates: What to Say When Someone Dies: Condolence Message Templates for Texts, Cards, and Coworkers.
What a condolence text is really for
In the first hours and days after a death, grief can make simple tasks feel strangely heavy—replying to messages, answering questions, deciding what to eat. A supportive text should feel light to hold. That means it helps to keep your message short, clear, and gentle, with no pressure to respond.
The most comforting simple condolence texts usually include one or two of these elements: “I’m so sorry,” a memory or quality you loved, and an offer of help that’s specific enough to be real. When you’re unsure, choose warmth over cleverness and sincerity over explanation.
Many grief organizations emphasize that showing up matters, even when you don’t have the perfect words. Mind’s guidance for friends and family is a helpful reminder that it’s normal to feel awkward—and that steady support is often more important than saying the “right” thing: Mind.
Timing: when to text (and when to text again)
People worry about timing because they don’t want to intrude. But silence can feel like abandonment, especially after the funeral, when the early rush of support fades and life around them goes back to normal. A kind message the same day you hear the news is almost always appropriate—even if it’s brief.
If you missed the first wave, it’s still okay to reach out. A simple “I heard about your mom, and I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking about you,” can land with real comfort weeks later. And one of the most meaningful moments to text is often the one people forget: the week after services, when the house is quiet and grief becomes less visible.
If you want more examples that keep things short and gentle, you can pull language from Funeral.com’s Condolence Messages That Actually Help.
Text message templates that feel human (not awkward)
Below are sympathy message examples written the way real people text. You don’t need to use them word-for-word; think of them as a starting point you can personalize with a name, a memory, or one small offer of help.
For close friends
“I’m so sorry. I love you, and I’m here with you. No need to reply—just wanted you to feel supported.”
“Thinking about you constantly. If you want company tonight, I can come sit with you or bring food.”
“I keep remembering the way your dad made everyone laugh. I’m heartbroken for you.”
With close friends, it can help to be both tender and practical. In grief, many people can’t initiate help, even when they want it. A specific offer gives them something they can say yes to without having to plan or explain.
For family members (or someone you’re close to, but not “best friend” close)
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m thinking of you and sending love to your whole family.”
“Your mom mattered so much. I’m here for you, and I’m holding you in my heart.”
“I don’t have the right words, but I’m here. Would it help if I dropped off dinner this week?”
If the relationship is close, naming the person who died can feel grounding. It tells the grieving person you’re not afraid to acknowledge the loss directly.
For coworkers and professional relationships
Workplace grief has its own tension: you want to be warm and sincere without crossing boundaries. A good condolence messages for coworker text is often short, respectful, and supportive of time and space.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need—thinking of you and your family.”
“Sending condolences. If it helps, I can cover [specific task] this week.”
“I’m really sorry you’re going through this. No need to respond—just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”
If you’re also sending a card, Funeral.com has a helpful guide with sympathy card message ideas that fit coworkers, acquaintances, and friends: What to Write in a Sympathy Card.
For someone you don’t know well
When you’re not close, it’s okay to keep it simple. You don’t need a long note to be kind.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.”
“Please accept my condolences. I’m holding you and your family in my thoughts.”
In these situations, the most common mistake is asking for details (“What happened?”) or asking questions they have to answer. A condolence text shouldn’t turn into an interview.
When the loss is sudden or complicated
Some deaths come with shock, trauma, or complicated feelings. Your job isn’t to interpret what happened; it’s to offer steadiness. Avoid forcing meaning or silver linings. Let the loss be what it is.
“I’m so sorry. This is heartbreaking. I’m here with you, and I won’t forget.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m thinking of you, and I’m here—no pressure to respond.”
When someone loses a pet
Pet grief can be profound because the bond is daily, intimate, and often underestimated by others. Naming that bond can feel deeply validating. If you want more language and ideas for pet loss support, you may find Funeral.com’s Pet Sympathy Gifts guide helpful.
“I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved them. They were lucky to be yours.”
“Thinking of you. If you want to share a favorite photo or story, I’d love to hear it.”
“How can I help?” texts that actually help
“Let me know if you need anything” is well-intended, but it can accidentally hand the grieving person a task: they now have to decide what they need, ask for it, and coordinate it. In the early days, many people can’t do that. A more supportive grief support text offers one clear option and permission to say no.
“I can bring dinner. Would Tuesday or Thursday be better?”
“I’m going to the store—what can I drop off for you?”
“If you’d like, I can take the kids to school tomorrow.”
“I can handle a few phone calls or texts for you today if that would help.”
“I’m free this weekend—do you want company, or would you rather have quiet?”
If you’re not sure what kind of help would fit, Funeral.com’s How to Support a Grieving Friend walks through small gestures that reduce friction in real life.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
Most hurtful phrases are said with good intentions. People reach for clichés because they want to soothe pain. But grief isn’t a problem to solve—it’s a reality to witness. Here are a few common missteps and simple swaps that land more gently.
Phrases to avoid
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“At least they lived a long life.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
Gentler alternatives
“I’m so sorry. This is unfair, and I’m here with you.”
“I’m holding you in my heart. I wish I could take away some of this pain.”
“Your love for them was so clear. I’m thinking of you.”
“I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I care, and I’m here.”
“I can do one of these things this week—dinner, errands, or a ride. Which would help most?”
It can also help to be mindful with faith language. If you share a faith tradition, faith-based comfort may feel deeply supportive. If you don’t know what someone believes, it’s safer to keep your message simple and human. Hospice organizations often emphasize that grief support should validate the person’s experience rather than push them toward a particular interpretation of the loss: Hospice Foundation of America.
When the conversation turns to funeral planning
Sometimes a grieving person will text you back with logistics: “We’re doing a memorial next week,” or “We chose cremation,” or “We don’t know what we’re doing yet.” If that happens, you don’t need to become an expert. The most supportive thing you can do is reduce decision fatigue: offer one practical next step, share one reliable resource, and ask what kind of support they want.
It may help to know that cremation is a common choice for many families today. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to reach 63.4% in 2025. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) also publishes annual statistics and trend tracking. For many families, that shift has expanded what “memorial” can look like—more personal, more flexible, and sometimes more private.
If someone asks you about how much does cremation cost, you can point them to a straightforward breakdown that explains common price ranges and what changes the total: How Much Does Cremation Cost? That kind of practical clarity can make a hard week feel less chaotic.
And if they mention questions like what to do with ashes or keeping ashes at home, it can help to share a resource that focuses on safety and respect rather than superstition: Keeping Ashes at Home. If their family is considering a ceremony on the water—a scattering or water burial—Funeral.com also explains what “three nautical miles” means and how families plan the moment: Water Burial and Burial at Sea. For official U.S. guidance on burial at sea, the EPA’s reference page is a reliable starting point: U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.
When it makes sense to send a sympathy gift (and how to keep it from feeling awkward)
Not every loss calls for a gift. Often, the best support is food, childcare, rides, or simply showing up consistently. But if you want to send something tangible—especially when you can’t be there in person—choose something that reduces burden or honors memory without forcing decisions.
If you’re looking for sympathy gifts that don’t feel random, Funeral.com’s guide What to Send Instead of Flowers is a gentle place to start.
Sometimes families ask about memorial keepsakes, especially after cremation. If they bring it up—or if you’re close enough to know it would feel welcome—there are a few options that many people find comforting. A main urn can be paired with sharing pieces like keepsake urns or small cremation urns so siblings or children can each have a small portion. Others choose wearable memorials like cremation jewelry or cremation necklaces that hold a tiny amount of ashes.
If someone is actively exploring those choices, you can point them to an easy overview: Cremation Jewelry 101. And if they’re browsing options, these collections can help them compare styles without pressure:
cremation urns and cremation urns for ashes
keepsake urns
pet urns, pet urns for ashes, and pet cremation urns
cremation jewelry and cremation necklaces
The key is tone: you’re not “solving” grief with an item. You’re offering a tool that may help them carry love in a form that fits their life.
A final text you can always send
If you’ve read all of this and still feel uncertain, here’s a message that is almost always safe, kind, and genuinely helpful:
“I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you and I’m here with you. No need to respond—I just wanted you to feel supported.”
Grief doesn’t ask for perfect words. It asks for presence. Your text is a small way of saying, “You’re not alone,” and that can matter more than you realize.
