When someone dies, most people don’t go silent because they don’t care. They go silent because they care—and they’re afraid of sounding awkward, saying the wrong thing, or making a grieving person do emotional work. If you’re searching what to say when someone dies, the best news is that you don’t need perfect words. You need sincere, simple words that acknowledge the loss and offer steady support.
Grief is also not one-size-fits-all. The American Psychological Association notes that grief responses vary and that support from others can help people cope. That means your goal isn’t to fix grief. Your goal is to make grief less lonely—and to do it in a way that fits your relationship to the person.
This guide gives respectful condolence message examples for texts, sympathy cards, emails, and workplace situations, plus practical tips on message length, tone, and personalization. You’ll also find short add-ons for flowers, donations, and memorial service notes, so your support feels complete without becoming complicated.
The Simple Framework That Makes Condolences Easier
If you’re stuck, use a four-part structure. You don’t need all four parts every time, but thinking this way keeps your message grounded.
Acknowledge the loss. Use plain language. If you know the name of the person who died, use it.
Name something true. A brief memory, a quality, or a simple statement that the person mattered.
Offer support. If you can offer something concrete, do it. If not, simply saying “I’m here” is still meaningful.
Close warmly. Avoid ending with a question that requires a reply.
If you want a deeper dive into card-writing etiquette and more relationship-specific wording, Funeral.com’s guide What to Write in a Sympathy Card provides additional options by relationship and setting.
How Long Should the Message Be?
In most situations, shorter is better. Texts work best when they are one to three sentences. Sympathy cards can be a short paragraph. Workplace notes should be brief, respectful, and neutral. The message length should match your relationship: closer relationships can hold more emotion and detail; more distant relationships do best with respectful simplicity.
One principle helps in every setting: don’t turn your message into a story about your shock. Grieving people often feel pressured to comfort others, and your goal is to reduce pressure, not add it.
Condolence Text Messages
These condolence text messages are designed to be copy/paste-ready and easy to personalize. Replace bracketed areas with names when you can.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, [Name]. Thinking of you.”
“I heard about [Name of deceased]. I’m so sorry. I’m here if you want company or quiet support.”
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No need to reply—just sending love.”
“I’m thinking of you and your family. I can drop off dinner this week—Tuesday or Thursday?”
“I’m so sorry. I’ll be holding you in my thoughts in the days ahead.”
If you want to personalize without oversharing, add one small true detail: “I’ll always remember [one sentence].” Keep it short enough that it doesn’t demand a long conversation.
Sympathy Card Messages
These sympathy card messages are written in a warm, classic card tone. You can shorten them easily if you’re writing in a small space.
“Dear [Name], I’m so sorry for your loss. [Name of deceased] was deeply loved, and I’m holding you and your family close in my thoughts. With sympathy, [Your Name].”
“Dear [Name], I was heartbroken to hear about [Name of deceased]. I’ll always remember [brief memory or quality]. Please know I’m here, and I’m thinking of you. With love, [Your Name].”
“Dear [Name], I’m so sorry. I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know you’re not alone. With care, [Your Name].”
If you didn’t know the deceased well, you don’t need to pretend you did. A respectful message that honors the relationship is enough: “Although I didn’t know [Name] well, I know how much they meant to you.”
Condolence Message to a Coworker
A condolence message to coworker should be respectful, brief, and supportive without assuming intimacy. It’s also helpful to include a work-related reassurance when appropriate: “We’ll cover what we can.” That’s often the most meaningful help you can offer in a professional setting.
“Hi [Name], I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need. We’re thinking of you and we’ll support you however we can.”
“[Name], I was very sorry to hear about the death of your [relationship]. Please accept my condolences. If you need anything work-related covered, let us know—we’ve got you.”
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Thinking of you and your family.”
If you’re writing on behalf of a team, keep it unified and practical: condolences plus one concrete support line such as “We’ll coordinate coverage” or “We’ll handle deadlines while you’re out.”
Bereavement Email Templates
If you need a bereavement email template for a manager, client, or broader group, keep the tone calm and minimal. Avoid details unless the family has shared them and you have permission to include them.
Subject: Condolences
Hi [Name], I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my condolences. Take the time you need, and please let me know how we can support you. With sympathy, [Your Name]
Subject: Thinking of You
Hi [Name], I was sorry to learn of the death of your [relationship]. I’m thinking of you and your family. If it helps, we can adjust timelines and handle priorities while you’re away. With sympathy, [Your Name]
If the email is going to a broader audience, keep it even simpler and avoid naming the cause of death. Focus on support and privacy.
What to Say In Person
In person, shorter is often kinder. A grieving person may be receiving dozens of condolences, and your job is to be steady, not eloquent.
“I’m so sorry. I loved [Name].”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you.”
“I don’t have the right words, but I’m here.”
“They mattered so much. I’m holding you close.”
If you’re worried you’ll cry and not be able to speak, that’s okay. A gentle “I’m so sorry” and a quiet presence is enough.
What to Say When the Death Was Sudden
When a death is unexpected, people are often in shock and flooded with logistics. Messages that acknowledge shock without turning into gossip tend to land best. Keep it simple, avoid asking “what happened,” and focus on steady support.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this happened. I’m here with you.”
“I’m heartbroken to hear this. I’m thinking of your family and holding you close.”
“No need to respond. I just want you to know I’m here, and I’m ready to help with anything practical.”
What to Say After a Long Illness
After a long illness, families are often exhausted and complicated emotions can sit alongside grief: relief, guilt, numbness, and gratitude. A helpful message acknowledges both grief and the long road without telling the person how to feel.
“I’m so sorry. I know you’ve been carrying so much for so long. I’m holding you close.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re able to rest a little now. I’m here.”
“I’m thinking of you—especially after how much you showed up for them.”
What Not to Say
Most condolence missteps come from trying to reduce sadness quickly. Avoid “at least” statements, avoid explaining the loss, and avoid implying a timeline. Also avoid asking questions that require the grieving person to relive details unless you are very close and they’ve indicated they want to talk.
“At least they lived a long life.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
“You’ll feel better soon.”
“What happened?” (in public or in comments)
If you want more “what not to say” examples with better alternatives, Funeral.com’s guide “I’m Sorry for Your Loss”: Better Alternatives is designed for people who want to avoid common traps while still sounding natural.
Funeral Flower Card Message
A funeral flower card message needs to be short and readable. You’re aiming for a phrase that fits on a small florist card without sounding stiff.
“With deepest sympathy.”
“In loving memory of [Name].”
“Thinking of you and sending love.”
“With love and remembrance.”
“Holding you close.”
If you want more options by relationship, Funeral.com’s guide Funeral Flower Messages and Ribbon Wording includes ribbon wording and card-size phrases.
Memorial Donation Wording
Donation notes work best when they are simple and respectful. Avoid making the donation feel like a substitute for grief. Treat it as a tribute.
“In memory of [Name].”
“In loving memory of [Name], with sympathy.”
“Donated in honor of [Name].”
“A tribute gift in memory of [Name].”
If the family has named a cause or organization, reflect that directly and avoid choosing a cause for them unless you know their values well.
Quick Add-Ons for Memorial Service Notes
If you’re writing in a guestbook or sending a follow-up message after the service, a short “I’m grateful I was there” line often lands well. Many families remember who stayed present, not who wrote the most poetic sentence.
“It was an honor to be there and remember [Name] with you.”
“Thank you for letting us honor [Name]. I’m holding you close.”
“I’m grateful for the chance to celebrate [Name]’s life.”
What to Say Two Weeks Later
Many grieving people receive the most messages in the first 72 hours, then silence. A follow-up note two weeks later can be more meaningful than a perfect phrase on day one because it arrives when the support wave has faded.
“I’ve been thinking about you and about [Name]. How are you holding up today?”
“No need to respond, but I wanted to say I’m still thinking of you. I’m here.”
“I’m bringing dinner by on Thursday and leaving it at the door. No need to host.”
Practical Help That Pairs Naturally With Words
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is offer practical help that doesn’t require the grieving person to manage you. Food is one of the most immediate forms of support because it reduces decisions. Funeral.com’s guide How to Send Food to a Grieving Family outlines what tends to help most: reheatable meals, low-pressure delivery, and clear labels.
If you’re close enough to offer a specific task, do it. A meal. A school pickup. Walking the dog. Handling phone calls. Sitting with them for an hour while they rest. These are often remembered longer than a perfect sentence.
If the family mentions cremation and seems overwhelmed by what comes next, it can also help to gently point them toward “later resources,” not “today decisions.” Many families eventually explore cremation urns for ashes, sharing options like keepsake urns, or wearable remembrance like cremation necklaces, but those choices often land best after the initial shock passes. If they’re in the earliest days, your most valuable gift is reducing immediate burden, not adding new decisions.
A Calm Bottom Line
If you’re wondering what to say when someone dies, the safest and kindest approach is simple: acknowledge the loss, name the person, offer steady support, and keep your message short enough that it doesn’t require emotional labor in return. Your job is not to fix grief. Your job is to show up with respect and care.
If you want one sentence you can rely on in nearly any situation, it’s this: “I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you, and I’m here.” Then follow it with one real offer if you can. That’s what makes condolences feel like comfort instead of etiquette.
