When you’re grieving—or trying to plan ahead—cemetery language can feel like a second loss: unfamiliar terms, rules you didn’t know existed, and decisions that suddenly carry a lifetime of permanence. Families often tell us the same thing in different words: “I just want to understand what I’m buying, what it’s called, and what the cemetery will actually allow.”
Let’s slow it down. A “headstone” is a real thing, but it’s also a catch-all word people use for several different kinds of memorials. Cemeteries may use more precise terms—marker, monument, tablet, ledger—and those choices affect headstone size limits, materials, placement, and the headstone installation process. This guide is meant to put the whole picture into plain English so you can move forward with fewer surprises and more confidence.
What “Headstone” Means in Everyday Language
In normal conversation, a headstone is the stone at the head of a grave. That’s the simplest definition, and it’s widely understood. Wikipedia explains that a gravestone or tombstone is a marker placed over a grave, and that a marker at the head of the grave may be called a headstone.
But in cemetery paperwork, “headstone” might be used narrowly—or not at all. Some cemeteries prefer the term grave marker, especially for flat memorials that sit flush with the ground. Others use “memorial,” “monument,” or “tablet” as umbrella terms. The key takeaway is this: if you walk into a cemetery office and say “headstone,” you’ll be understood—but you may be asked what type you mean.
Headstone vs Grave Marker vs Monument: The Plain-English Difference
A helpful way to think about this is that these words overlap, but they emphasize different things.
Headstone
A headstone is commonly a marker at the head of a grave—often upright, sometimes slanted, and usually the most visible from a distance. In everyday speech, people also use “headstone” to mean any grave memorial, even a flat one.
Grave marker
A grave marker often refers to a memorial that is flat (flush with the turf) or low-profile (slightly raised). Cemeteries like flat markers because they’re easier to maintain—mowing, leveling, and groundskeeping go more smoothly when stones aren’t tall or surrounded by edging. You’ll sometimes hear “grass marker” used in the same way.
Monument
“Monument” is frequently used for larger, multi-piece, or more elaborate memorials—something that may include a base, multiple panels, or family names across a broader plot. In some cemetery terminology, the word “monument” signals a vertical, prominent structure rather than a simple marker.
If you’re working with a monument company, you’ll notice that “monument” can also describe the trade itself—monument building and memorialization as a craft. The Monument Builders of North America represents professionals dedicated to permanent memorialization.
The Most Common Headstone Types Families Choose
Most families don’t start by saying, “We want a tablet marker with a bevel.” They start with what they want it to feel like: visible or subtle, traditional or modern, single or shared, simple or detailed.
To translate that into cemetery language, here are the types you’ll hear most often—without turning this into a catalog.
Upright headstones
These are what many people picture first: a vertical stone set on a base or directly into a foundation. Uprights can feel traditional, legible from a distance, and easier to find when someone visits. They can also trigger more cemetery restrictions, because tall stones need deeper foundations and create safety concerns if they shift over time.
Flat markers
A flat marker sits level with the ground. It can be granite or bronze, often a bronze plaque mounted on a granite base. Flat markers are common in memorial parks and lawn cemetery sections designed for a uniform look and easier maintenance.
Slant markers and bevel markers
These sit at an angle or slightly raised with a gentle slope. Families often choose these when they want easier readability than a flat marker, without going fully upright.
Companion markers and companion headstones
This is where the single vs companion headstones question comes in. A companion memorial is designed for two people—often spouses, partners, siblings, or parents. It might be one upright stone with two sets of details or a wider flat marker with space for both names and dates. Some cemeteries have strict rules about whether companion memorials are allowed and how much width you can use.
Ledger markers and other specialty memorials
A ledger is a larger stone slab that covers the grave area, sometimes paired with an upright. Specialty memorials such as benches or sculptural elements are usually restricted to specific sections and often involve additional fees.
If you’d like to compare materials and styles in a practical way, Funeral.com’s article on Types of Headstones and Grave Markers: Materials, Styles, and How They Age explains how common options look, wear, and age over time.
Why Cemetery Rules Matter More Than Most People Expect
Here’s the part families often learn the hard way: you can choose something beautiful, pay a deposit, and then find out the cemetery won’t accept it. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong—cemetery rules vary dramatically, and they’re usually written to protect safety, aesthetics, and groundskeeping realities.
A cemetery may regulate:
- overall dimensions (height, width, thickness)
- material type (granite, bronze, marble restrictions)
- finish (polished vs rock-pitch)
- color palettes in certain sections
- engraving depth, font styles, or artwork rules
- whether vases, photos, or decorations are permitted
- who can pour the foundation and who can set the stone
Some of these rules are about long-term maintenance. Some are about preventing uneven settling and tipping hazards. Some are simply about keeping a consistent look across a section of the cemetery.
For a clearer picture of how these requirements vary by cemetery, Funeral.com’s article on Headstone Regulations and Cemetery Rules: Size Limits, Materials, and What’s Allowed walks through the most common restrictions families encounter.
The Headstone Installation Process: What Usually Happens Behind the Scenes
A headstone isn’t just “placed.” Most cemeteries treat it as an installation project, because permanent memorials need stability and accountability.
In many cemeteries, installation includes a foundation. Sometimes the cemetery requires that they pour the foundation and complete the setting, even if you purchase the memorial from an outside monument company. In other cemeteries, approved outside installers can do the work—but they may need to be licensed, bonded, or on an approved vendor list.
You may also run into timing rules. Cemeteries often delay installation during winter or rainy seasons, and they may have designated setting days to coordinate staff and equipment.
Costs can show up here too. Even families who purchase a memorial elsewhere can still owe cemetery fees for foundation work, setting, and permits. Funeral.com’s article on Cemetery Fees Explained: Opening and Closing, Perpetual Care, and Other Common Charges breaks down the charges families most often see and what they typically cover.
Special Case: Veterans Headstones and National Cemetery Standards
If your loved one is eligible for VA memorial benefits, the language shifts again—because “headstones” and “markers” can be government-furnished items with specific standards and application steps.
The National Cemetery Administration provides guidance on memorial benefits, including applying for a headstone or marker and understanding when medallions may be used in private cemeteries.
In addition, the NFDA summarizes government-furnished headstone and marker regulations and where those memorials may be placed.
If you’re navigating a veterans cemetery or applying for a government marker in a private cemetery, it helps to treat the VA’s published guidance as your baseline, then confirm cemetery-specific rules with the cemetery office before you finalize design or installation plans.
How to Work With a Monument Company Without Getting Stuck
Most monument companies are used to coordinating with cemeteries—but you still want to make sure you’re bringing the right information to the first conversation. The easiest way to prevent delays is to start with the cemetery’s written rules and the exact section or plot location.
In plain terms, your goal is to answer three questions early:
- What memorial types are allowed in this section?
- What size range is permitted, including base size if applicable?
- Who is allowed to install it, and what foundation standard is required?
When those answers are clear, the rest—design, wording, symbols, finish—becomes much smoother.
The Words on the Stone: Inscriptions, Symbols, and Space Limits
Families often think of the headstone as “the words.” And it’s true: the inscription is where a name becomes a story.
But cemetery rules can shape inscription choices in ways people don’t expect. Some cemeteries restrict photo etchings or ceramic portraits. Some limit raised lettering. Some have rules about certain emblems or decorations—especially in veteran sections or memorial parks.
If you’re choosing imagery, it can help to understand common symbols and what they convey. Funeral.com’s article on Headstone Symbols and Icons: Common Images and What They Mean explains many of the symbols families see in cemeteries and what they traditionally represent.
And if you’re choosing wording, remember that space is real. Lettering size, font style, and the stone’s shape all determine what fits and what stays readable. Funeral.com’s article on Beautiful Words for Headstones: Epitaph Examples, Phrases, and How to Choose the Right One offers examples and practical tips that still respect the limits of real stones.
A Calm, Practical Way to Make the Decision
If you’re feeling pressure to “get it right,” here’s a gentler truth: most families are not deciding between a good choice and a bad one. They’re deciding between several good choices that express love differently.
A visible upright may feel like a clear place to go and grieve. A flat marker may feel simple, tidy, and peaceful. A companion memorial may feel like honoring a shared life. The “best” headstone is the one that fits the cemetery’s rules, your budget, and your family’s sense of what is respectful and true.
If you’re early in the process, it’s okay to pause and ask the cemetery for the rules in writing. It’s okay to bring those rules to a monument company and say, “Help us design within this.” And it’s okay to take a breath before you commit—because permanence deserves steadiness, not rush.
