After a stillbirth, time can feel distorted. Hours move too fast and not fast enough, and the world outside your room can seem impossibly ordinary while you are living through something that changes you. In that unreal space, families are often asked questions they never expected to face: Do you want to see your baby? Hold them? Take photos? Make prints? Choose clothing? Decide what happens next?
None of these choices are “required.” And none of them define your love. But many parents later say that memory making stillbirth hospital options—especially when offered gently, without pressure—became a lifeline. A photograph you can touch. A tiny footprint card. A lock of hair. A name spoken out loud. These are not souvenirs. They are proof that your baby was here, and that you were their parent.
This guide walks through tender, practical options families commonly consider in the hospital—stillbirth photography, handprints footprints stillbirth keepsakes, bathing and dressing, and naming rituals—along with simple ways to advocate for time, privacy, and culturally respectful care. You do not have to do any of it. You can do only one thing. You can do none. The goal is not to create the “perfect” set of memories; it is to give you choices that feel survivable and meaningful.
When Everything Feels Like Too Much, Small Choices Can Carry a Lifetime
If you are reading this in the hospital, you may feel numb, flooded, or both. You may feel protective of your baby and terrified of seeing them. You may want memory-making and also want to run from it. That push-pull is common. Stillbirth is both a medical event and a profound family loss, and it often comes with decisions in a compressed window of time.
Clinical guidance recognizes that families need support, clear communication, and access to bereavement resources after stillbirth. The Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine’s summary of ACOG/SMFM guidance notes that stillbirth occurs in about 1 in 160 deliveries in the United States and emphasizes that patient support can include referral to bereavement counseling or peer support groups. Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine
In other words, it is reasonable to ask for help. It is reasonable to ask for time. It is reasonable to ask someone to slow down the conversation and repeat it tomorrow. Your care team may include a bereavement nurse, social worker, chaplain, or patient advocate—people whose role is to make this moment less lonely and less bureaucratic.
Time, Privacy, and Permission: The Hospital Window You Deserve
Many families feel as though they are “borrowing” time with their baby, as if they should be grateful for any moment offered. In reality, you have the right to compassionate care and to make choices that align with your values. If you want quiet time, ask for it. If you want the door closed, ask. If you want fewer people coming in and out, ask. If you want to invite a trusted person to be with you, ask.
Sometimes the most important advocacy is simple and specific: “We need privacy for a while.” “Please come back in an hour.” “Can you write down our options so we can decide later?” Grief can make your short-term memory unreliable. Written notes can be a form of kindness.
If your hospital has a bereavement suite, a quieter room, or protocols for pregnancy and infant loss, it is appropriate to request them. If you want a culturally respectful experience—specific prayers, modesty practices, a female clinician, certain handling rituals, or time for family members to arrive—name that early. Hospitals cannot fulfill every request, but they can often accommodate far more than families realize, especially when they understand what matters most to you.
Stillbirth Photography: Professional, Volunteer, or Phone Photos
For some parents, the idea of photographs feels unbearable. For others, it feels like oxygen. And for many, it changes day by day: “Not now,” becomes “Maybe later,” becomes “I’m glad we did.” Stillbirth photography does not have to be posed or public. It can be gentle documentation: your baby’s face, hands, feet, the curve of a cheek, the way your partner’s thumb rested on a tiny shoulder.
Some hospitals have staff photographers or relationships with community professionals. Many families are also supported by volunteer organizations. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (often abbreviated as NILMDTS) is a well-known nonprofit that provides remembrance portraiture to parents experiencing the death of a baby. If you want to see whether a volunteer photographer is available, their tool to find a photographer can be a practical starting point.
When you hear the phrase NILMDTS stillbirth photos, it can help to remember that you remain in control. You can say yes to a few images and no to others. You can request black-and-white. You can ask for close-ups only. You can ask the photographer to focus on details—hands, feet, a swaddle, a name bracelet—if seeing your baby’s face feels too hard. You can also ask that photos be taken and held privately until you decide whether you want to view them.
If you are unsure about photos today
If you feel ambivalent, consider a middle path: ask someone to take a small set of images that you do not have to look at right now. Many parents appreciate having the choice later, even if they can’t imagine wanting it in the moment. A nurse or social worker can often help with this request in a way that feels emotionally safer. If you decide later that you do not want to keep the photos, you can choose not to look. But you cannot recreate the hours you have right now, and that is what makes this decision feel so heavy.
Handprints and Footprints: Tiny Impressions That Say “They Were Here”
When people picture handprints footprints stillbirth keepsakes, they often imagine a simple stamp. In practice, these impressions can be more delicate—and more meaningful—than families expect. Hospitals may offer ink prints on cardstock, clay molds, or both. Some parents keep multiple copies: one for a memory box, one for grandparents, one tucked into a journal.
If you want prints but feel overwhelmed, you can ask staff to lead it. You can also ask for more than one attempt. It is common for the first print to be smudged or incomplete; tiny hands curl, and tiny feet may not press evenly. What matters is not perfection. What matters is the shape of your baby’s existence made visible.
Many families pair prints with a few other keepsakes after stillbirth: a name band, a blanket or hat, the hospital card with weight and length, a lock of hair if possible, or a photo of the bassinet or the room where you met your baby. If you have other children, you may want a “sibling copy” of a print—a tangible way to include them without forcing a level of exposure that feels too intense.
When you worry about “too much”
Parents sometimes fear that making prints or keepsakes is “indulgent,” or that it will make leaving the hospital harder. In truth, many families describe the opposite: these items soften the fear that their baby will vanish into a story no one else can see. If you are uncertain, you can frame it as an experiment: “Let’s make the prints, and we’ll decide later what to do with them.” That small shift—choice now, decision later—can lower the emotional stakes.
Bathing, Dressing, and Naming Rituals: Parenting Moments That Count
One of the quiet tragedies of stillbirth is how quickly “parent” can feel like a role the world refuses to recognize. Memory-making can be a way of reclaiming that truth. Bathing your baby, dressing them, brushing a tiny lock of hair, wrapping them in a chosen blanket—these are acts of care. They can also be acts of farewell.
If you want these moments, ask for help. Nurses often know how to guide bathing and dressing gently and respectfully. If you have a special outfit, bring it. If you don’t, many hospitals have donated gowns, wraps, and hats. Some families choose to dress their baby; others prefer staff to do it. Both are valid.
Naming rituals can be equally meaningful. Some parents name their baby before birth; others choose a name afterward. Some use a family name. Some choose a name that reflects a season, a story, a prayer, or a hope. If you want the name spoken, you can ask the staff to use it. You can ask that it appear on keepsake documents. You can ask a chaplain or spiritual leader to offer a blessing consistent with your beliefs. You can also keep it private. Your baby’s name is yours to hold in whatever way feels right.
“We would like you to call our baby by their name. It matters to us.”
If cultural or religious practices are important—timing, prayer, washing rituals, modesty, who may be present—tell the care team. Respectful care is not only about kindness; it is about honoring identity, family structure, and belief in a moment when families are especially vulnerable.
What to Ask the Hospital After Stillbirth
When your brain is in shock, it helps to have a few concrete prompts. The goal is not to interrogate anyone; it is to get clarity and protect your time. Here are practical questions many families find helpful when thinking about what to ask hospital after stillbirth:
- Can we have private, uninterrupted time with our baby, and for how long?
- What memory-making options do you offer (photos, handprints footprints stillbirth cards, clay molds, locks of hair, memory boxes)?
- Is professional or volunteer stillbirth photography available, and can photos be taken even if we are not ready to view them?
- Can we bathe and dress our baby, or can staff help us do that gently?
- Can you document our baby’s name (if we choose one) and provide keepsake items we can take home?
- Who can help us with next steps—paperwork, options for burial or cremation, and grief resources—when we are ready?
Depending on your situation, you may also want to ask about medical evaluation and follow-up, including what testing is recommended and when results will be discussed. If you are not ready for that conversation now, it is appropriate to schedule it for later. Many families do best when immediate decisions focus on care and memory-making, while medical debrief and planning happen after some sleep and support.
After the Hospital: Memorial Choices, Cremation, and Gentle Planning
When you leave the hospital without your baby, the silence can feel aggressive. This is often when families begin to think about tangible memorials and practical decisions: burial or cremation, a service or a private goodbye, an urn or a casket, a keepsake you can touch when your arms ache.
In the United States, cremation is now the majority disposition choice. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025, and the Cremation Association of North America reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024. Those trends do not tell you what you should do—but they do explain why many hospitals and funeral homes are prepared to support families who choose cremation after stillbirth.
If your family chooses cremation, you may find yourself searching for options that feel proportionate to your baby’s size and your own emotional bandwidth. Many parents start with cremation urns for ashes and then narrow down by capacity and style. For infant loss, small cremation urns can be an approachable category—compact, easier to place at home, and often less visually imposing when grief is raw. If you are looking for a tiny portion to keep close or share with grandparents, keepsake urns are designed for exactly that purpose.
When you want something small, close, and wearable
Some parents prefer a memorial that is not on a shelf, but on the body—something private that travels with them through grocery stores, school pickup lines, and the first day they have to function again. cremation jewelry can be that bridge, especially cremation necklaces that hold a small amount of ashes. This is not about “moving on.” It is about having a point of contact with your baby’s memory in a world that often rushes families to be okay.
If you are considering jewelry, it can help to think about it as one piece of a larger plan: a primary urn (even a small one) plus a wearable keepsake, or a keepsake urn plus jewelry. Some families choose one item now and revisit later, when their nervous system is steadier.
When you are thinking about home, burial, or scattering
Families also ask practical questions that carry emotional weight: Is keeping ashes at home okay? What happens if we move? What if we want to scatter later? Funeral.com’s guide to keeping ashes at home can help you think through legality, safety, and display ideas without turning it into a cold checklist.
If you are considering scattering or a water burial (also called burial at sea in some contexts), it helps to learn what the process looks like and what rules may apply. Funeral.com’s explanation of water burial can make an unfamiliar option feel more concrete. And if you are simply trying to answer the aching, practical question of what to do with ashes, this guide to what to do with ashes offers many gentle possibilities you can consider over time.
Cost can also matter, especially when families are hit with medical bills at the same time. If you are asking how much does cremation cost, Funeral.com’s 2025 guide can help you understand typical fees and what changes the total: how much does cremation cost. Planning does not make the loss smaller, but thoughtful funeral planning can reduce financial shock and decision fatigue.
If you would rather begin with infant-specific guidance, Funeral.com’s resource on choosing a cremation urn for a child or infant was written for exactly this moment—when families need practical information delivered with care. And if you want a concrete example of an infant memorial option, some families choose child-sized designs like this infant keepsake cremation urn because the symbolism feels gentle rather than clinical.
Stillbirth Memorial Ideas That Do Not Require an Audience
Not every memorial has to be public. Many parents prefer stillbirth memorial ideas that are quiet, personal, and repeatable—things that let them honor their baby without managing other people’s reactions. A candle lit on due dates. A piece of jewelry worn under clothing. A tree planted at home. A small box that holds prints, photos, and the hospital cap. A letter you rewrite every year, not because you need closure, but because love keeps moving.
If you are looking for additional gentle options, Funeral.com has dedicated articles on pregnancy and infant loss, including memorial options and gentle support after miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss and guidance on meaningful memory-making in neonatal hospice and the NICU. You can also browse more related reading in the Journal’s tag hub for pregnancy loss resources.
Support That Respects Your Story
Stillbirth can be isolating, even when people mean well. Support is not only about reducing sadness; it is about being witnessed without being fixed. If you are looking for perinatal bereavement support, these organizations offer reputable starting points:
- March of Dimes stillbirth support resources
- CDC stillbirth communication resources and links
- Postpartum Support International groups and support for pregnancy and infant loss
- Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep remembrance portraiture information for families
If you feel stuck in guilt, shock, anger, or numbness for a long time, that does not mean you are doing grief “wrong.” It may mean you need specialized support from a therapist trained in traumatic bereavement or perinatal loss. Reaching for that help is not a sign that you are fragile; it is a sign that you are taking your pain seriously.
A Closing Note: You Don’t Have to Do This Perfectly
After stillbirth, families often worry they will regret the wrong choice—too many photos, not enough photos; seeing their baby, not seeing their baby; keeping items, not keeping items. The truth is that regret is common in grief because the mind tries to negotiate with reality. But memory-making is not a test with a right answer. It is simply a set of options offered in a moment when love and loss collide.
If you choose photographs, you are honoring your baby. If you choose prints, you are honoring your baby. If you choose only a name spoken softly, you are honoring your baby. If you choose none of it because survival is all you can manage, you are still honoring your baby. Your love is not measured by keepsakes. Keepsakes are just one way to hold love when your arms are empty.
