For most families, choosing a headstone is not simply a purchase. It is one of the first permanent decisions you make after a loss, and that permanence can feel heavy. You may be juggling grief, paperwork, cemetery questions, and the reality that everyone in the family remembers the person a little differently. Then you arrive at the headstone conversation and realize there are dozens of options, each one carrying its own “why.” Some styles are chosen because they feel traditional. Some because they fit cemetery rules. Some because they are easier for a far-away daughter to maintain from across the country. And some because the person who died would have laughed at the idea of anything flashy and would have wanted something simple and solid.
This headstone styles guide is here to make the decision feel clearer, not more complicated. We will walk through the most popular headstone styles families choose today—flat markers, uprights, slants, and benches—then talk about what usually drives those choices: appearance, upkeep, cemetery requirements, and cost. Along the way, we will also acknowledge a reality of modern funeral planning: many families are blending burial and cremation decisions in the same story. According to the Headstone Regulations and Cemetery Rules: Size Limits, Materials, and What’s Allowed can help you anticipate the questions to ask before you fall in love with a style that is not permitted.
The Four Styles Families Choose Most Often
Families often search for the “most popular” style because popularity feels like a shortcut to safety: if many people choose it, it must be a reasonable choice. Popularity can be a useful clue, but the better question is usually: “What will feel right to us five years from now, when the early shock has softened and we want something that still fits?” Here are the styles families most commonly choose today, and the reasons those choices tend to make sense.
- Flat grave markers (also called flush markers): chosen for simplicity, lower visual profile, and generally easier long-term maintenance.
- Upright headstones: chosen for traditional presence, readability from a distance, and space for longer inscriptions or family names.
- Slant headstone style markers: chosen as a middle ground—more readable than a flat marker, less visually dominant than a full upright.
- Bench memorials: chosen when families want a place to sit, reflect, and create a memorial that functions as an experience, not only a sign.
If you are also trying to understand the vocabulary—headstone vs. grave marker vs. monument—Funeral.com’s plain-language overview What Is a Headstone, Exactly? Definitions, Types, and Cemetery Rules in Plain English can help you feel less lost in the terminology.
Flat Markers: The Quiet Choice That Often Fits the Real World
A flat marker sits level with the ground (or slightly above it, depending on the cemetery and the base). Many memorial parks and modern cemetery sections prefer them because they make mowing and landscaping easier, and because they reduce tripping hazards. For families, the appeal is often emotional as much as practical: a flat marker can feel modest and grounded, like it is part of the earth rather than standing above it.
Flat markers are also commonly chosen by families who live far away. If you cannot visit often, you may not want a memorial that needs regular attention. Many people explicitly look for low maintenance headstones, and flat markers tend to match that goal because they have fewer exposed surfaces and seams. That does not mean they never need care—grass clippings, dirt, and weather can still dull the surface—but the maintenance is usually straightforward.
Cost is another reason flat markers remain so popular. While prices vary widely by region, cemetery requirements, and customization, consumer-facing ranges can help you set expectations. For example, Headstone Regulations and Cemetery Rules walks through the most common restrictions families encounter and why they exist.
Slant Markers: The Middle Ground Many Families Did Not Know Existed
A slant marker sits on a base and angles upward, creating a face that is easier to read than a flat marker while keeping a lower profile than a full upright. If you have ever felt torn in the flat grave marker vs upright decision, the slant style often solves the tension. It is visible and readable without feeling as tall or imposing as an upright monument.
Families choose slants for practical reasons that are surprisingly emotional once you name them. A slant marker can feel more “present” than a flat marker—more like a memorial you can face—while still feeling simple. It can also feel more compatible with modern cemetery landscapes that emphasize open lines and uniformity. In many cemeteries, slants are permitted where uprights are not, but this varies, so the rules still come first.
Another advantage is design flexibility. A slant marker can hold clear engraving and can sometimes accommodate small design elements without requiring a large monument. If your loved one’s identity is tied to a symbol—an anchor, a cross, a flower, a musical note—the slant face can make that detail more visible than a flat marker would. If you are thinking about symbolism, Funeral.com’s guide Headstone Symbols and Icons: Common Images and What They Mean can help you interpret the most common imagery without guessing.
Bench Memorials: When the Memorial Is Also a Place to Sit and Stay
Bench memorials are chosen by families who want the memorial to be an experience. A bench creates a place to pause, to talk, to bring a child, to set flowers, or to simply sit without feeling rushed. In cemeteries that allow them, benches can be deeply comforting because they make visitation more sustainable. Instead of a brief stop, the visit can become a moment of real connection.
Benches can be especially meaningful when the person who died was a “gathering person”—the one who hosted, listened, told stories, or made people feel safe. Families often say, in one form or another, “We needed a place that feels like them.” A bench can embody that.
Benches also tend to offer more inscription space than many people expect. If you want a longer quote, a short poem, or a line that captures the person’s voice, the bench format can make room for it in a way that feels intentional rather than cramped.
The practical considerations are still real. Benches are not allowed everywhere, and some cemeteries restrict placement or require specific materials for durability and consistency. They also require thoughtful installation so they do not shift over time. But when benches are permitted and properly set, they can become one of the most visited memorials in a family’s landscape, simply because they invite you to stay.
Material Choices: Granite vs. Bronze, and the Question of Time
Once you choose a style, the next decision often becomes material. Families commonly compare granite vs bronze markers because these are among the most widely available options in modern cemeteries. Granite is a natural stone that can be polished, shaped, and engraved with a wide range of finishes and colors. Bronze is typically used as a plaque—often mounted on granite—and is valued for its classic look and detail.
The best way to choose is to think in terms of aging. Every material changes over time. The question is: what kind of change feels acceptable to you, and what kind of upkeep is realistic? Granite can stay crisp for decades, but weather and environmental conditions can dull a highly polished finish. Bronze develops a patina. Some families love that aged look because it feels like time is being acknowledged rather than resisted. Others prefer to keep bronze cleaned and protected so it maintains a more uniform appearance.
Because families often want a grounded, rules-based understanding of what materials do in real cemeteries, it can help to read a guide that focuses on how materials age rather than what they look like on day one. Funeral.com’s article Types of Headstones and Grave Markers: Materials, Styles, and How They Age walks through the most common material options and frames the decision in a practical way: durability, maintenance, and readability over time.
If you are choosing in a military or veterans context, there may be additional options and standards. The How to Choose a Cremation Urn That Fits Your Plans, Keeping Ashes at Home: How to Do It Safely, Respectfully, and Legally, and Understanding What Happens During a Water Burial Ceremony.
When families want a tangible memorial at home, they often start by browsing cremation urns for ashes and then narrow to the size and purpose that fits their actual plan. If the goal is a smaller, more discreet memorial, small cremation urns can be a gentle option, and keepsake urns can help when multiple relatives want to share a small portion. For families who want something wearable, cremation jewelry—including cremation necklaces—often becomes part of a larger plan rather than the whole plan, especially when a cemetery marker or home urn holds the primary resting place.
And because pets are family, many households make these decisions more than once in a lifetime. If you are memorializing a companion animal, pet urns and pet cremation urns can offer an at-home memorial that feels personal, while pet urns for ashes in keepsake sizes can help families share a portion when more than one person is grieving.
How to Choose Without Regret: A Practical, Gentle Checklist
When families worry about regret, it is usually because they are trying to make a permanent decision inside a moment that still feels unreal. The best protection against regret is not perfection; it is alignment. You want the memorial to align with the cemetery’s rules, your family’s maintenance reality, and the person’s values.
Start by treating choosing a grave marker as a two-step process. Step one is permission: what does the cemetery allow in the exact section where the grave is located? Step two is meaning: within those rules, what style feels most honest to the life you are honoring? If you have the rules in writing, the decision often becomes calmer. You stop arguing with each other’s preferences and start choosing between a few options that will all work.
If you want a little more structure for family conversations, it can help to name the real drivers out loud: visibility, ease of care, budget, inscription space, and the emotional feel of the memorial when you picture visiting. A flat marker can be right not because it is common, but because it matches your reality. An upright can be right not because it is traditional, but because your family needs that visible presence. A slant can be right because it balances both. And a bench can be right because grief sometimes needs somewhere to sit.
When You Want a Permanent Place, and When You Want Something Closer
In the end, headstones are not only about stone. They are about the human need to remember in a way that outlasts the first wave of grief. For some families, the cemetery memorial is the primary anchor. For others, it is one part of a wider plan that includes a home memorial, a ceremony, or a keepsake that stays close.
If you are building that wider plan and you also need help with costs, Funeral.com’s guide How Much Does Cremation Cost? is a practical place to start, especially if you are comparing memorial expenses across burial and cremation decisions. Families often find that once they understand the full picture—cemetery fees, marker installation, and the memorial items they actually want—the anxiety quiets down. The choices become clearer. The regret feels less likely. And the memorial, whatever form it takes, starts to feel like love again.
