When you’re planning a funeral or memorial, the question of flowers can feel deceptively loaded. Flowers are a long-standing way people show up. They’re beautiful, they signal care, and they can make a room feel held when everything else feels uncertain. So when a family prefers donations instead, it’s normal to worry about sounding demanding, awkward, or “too practical” at a time when emotions are already raw.
The good news is that most people understand exactly what you mean. They want guidance. They want to do the respectful thing. And if you give them clear, gentle wording—plus a simple way to follow through—your message will usually land as intended: thoughtful, values-forward, and gracious.
This guide walks you through donations instead of flowers wording that sounds human. You’ll get sample scripts for obituaries, invitations, and social posts, including options for multiple charities and for meal or expense funds. Along the way, we’ll also connect this choice to the bigger picture of funeral planning today, including the realities families face around cremation, memorial items, and what happens after the service.
Why “in lieu of flowers” has become so common
Families ask for donations instead of flowers for many reasons, and they are rarely cold or transactional. Sometimes it’s because the person who died cared deeply about a cause. Sometimes it’s because flowers don’t fit the setting—especially if the memorial will be outdoors, in a community space, or spread across multiple gatherings. Sometimes it’s because the family already feels overwhelmed by logistics and doesn’t want dozens of arrangements to transport, store, and dispose of.
There’s also a broader shift happening in how families memorialize. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to reach 63.4% in 2025, with burial projected at 31.6%. That trend matters here because cremation often changes the timeline and format of remembrance—families may hold a memorial later, gather in a home, plan a scattering, or create a small keepsake moment rather than a traditional service. :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}
And when cremation is part of the plan, families are frequently juggling multiple “meaningful choices” at once: an urn decision, a memorial location, travel, and how to invite support without pressure. The National Funeral Directors Association also notes that among people who prefer cremation, many envision different outcomes for the remains—keeping them in an urn at home, scattering, interring, or splitting them among relatives. That diversity of preferences is another reason families value clear, flexible wording when they ask for donations. :contentReference[oaicite:1]{index=1}
The three principles that make donation wording feel respectful
If you remember nothing else, remember this: donation requests land best when they are clear, optional, and specific. That combination gives guests confidence. It also protects you from the “awkward gray area” where people want to help but don’t know what would actually be useful.
Clear means you say what you mean. If you want in lieu of flowers donate language, use it. Don’t bury the request in euphemisms.
Optional means you make room for different budgets and different ways of showing up. Many families include one line that reassures people that attendance, kindness, and support matter most. That single sentence changes the tone from “request” to “invitation.”
Specific means you give people an actual path: the organization name, a link, and (when helpful) a note like “please write ‘in memory of’” so gifts are properly attributed. If the request involves a family fundraiser or meal support, specificity also means you explain what the fund is for in one plain sentence.
Where to place donation language so people actually see it
Most families repeat the donation message in more than one place, not because they’re pushing it, but because people encounter details at different moments—some read an obituary carefully, others skim a social post, and some only see the service invitation text.
- Obituary donation wording near the service details, so it’s easy to find.
- Funeral invitation donation wording in the email, text, or printed invitation.
- A short line on the program or memorial card, if you’re using one.
- A pinned post on social media, especially if the service details are also shared there.
- A follow-up message after the service, if a fundraiser is ongoing and guests have asked how to help.
If you want a deeper etiquette-and-logistics guide (including how families track gifts, thank people, and avoid duplicate links), Funeral.com’s Memorial Donations in Lieu of Flowers article goes step-by-step without making it feel complicated.
Sample wording that sounds human, not formal
Below are scripts you can copy, paste, and lightly personalize. Think of these as “tone templates.” If your loved one was private, you might choose the simplest version. If they were passionate about a cause, you might choose values-forward language. Either way, the aim is the same: respectful clarity.
Obituary scripts
If you want the most straightforward memorial contributions language, this is usually the easiest for guests to follow:
In lieu of flowers, the family welcomes memorial donations to [Charity Name] in honor of [Full Name]. Gifts may be made at [Donation Link].
If you want to soften the request further, add a sentence that removes pressure:
Your presence and support mean the most. If you would like to honor [First Name] with a gift, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name] in their memory: [Donation Link].
If the person had a clear passion and you want the request to feel personal, consider a values-forward version like the scripts in Funeral.com’s Donations in Lieu of Flowers: Wording Scripts guide, which includes multiple options (including two-charity phrasing) families commonly use.
Invitation or service details (email/text) scripts
Invitations work best when they’re short, because people are often reading on a phone. The goal is to keep the message clean while still providing the essential link.
In lieu of flowers, those who wish may make a donation to [Charity Name] in memory of [Full Name]: [Donation Link].
If you’re planning an event with multiple communities—family, friends, coworkers, faith community—this version can reduce confusion because it explicitly frames the donation as optional and emotionally appropriate:
We’re grateful for your love and support. If you would like to honor [First Name], optional memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name] in their memory: [Donation Link].
Social post scripts (short, pin-friendly)
Social posts get shared and screenshotted, so clarity matters even more. A strong pattern is: one sentence about the service, one sentence about donations, one sentence of reassurance.
Service details: [Date/Time/Location]. In lieu of flowers, optional donations in [Name]’s memory may be made to [Charity Name]: [Donation Link]. Thank you for your kindness and support.
Multiple charities (two causes, one message)
Two options can be appropriate when the person had two obvious “lifelong causes.” If you offer multiple organizations, keep it to two whenever possible. More than that often makes people freeze and do nothing.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to [Charity 1] or [Charity 2] in honor of [Full Name]. Donation links: [Link 1] and [Link 2].
If you want to reduce decision fatigue, add a gentle nudge:
If you’re unsure which to choose, please feel free to support the cause that feels most meaningful to you.
Family funds, meal support, or expenses
Sometimes the most practical help is also the most compassionate—especially when a death has created unexpected travel, childcare, or time off work. In those cases, families often choose a fundraiser or meal support plan. The key is to be direct about what the fund is for without oversharing. People want to help; they just want to know the help will be used as intended.
In lieu of flowers, those who wish may contribute to a family support fund to help with [travel/meal support/final expenses] in [Name]’s memory: [Fund Link].
If you’re specifically aiming for meal train donation wording, you can keep it very simple:
If you’d like to help in a practical way, a meal/support link is available here: [Link]. Thank you for caring for our family.
How to manage donations without creating more work
Even when people mean well, “support” can accidentally become another project. The easiest way to protect your bandwidth is to centralize the ask and keep the mechanics boring.
Choose one primary link and reuse it everywhere. If the charity has a dedicated memorial page, use that. If it doesn’t, a standard donation page still works—just include the “in memory of” instruction when appropriate. If you’re using a fundraiser platform, make sure the organizer name is someone the family trusts and that the description matches the family’s intent.
It also helps to decide, quietly, what you will do with gifts that arrive as flowers anyway. Many families choose to accept them as kindness—because that’s what they are—without treating it as a “failure” of communication. Donation wording is guidance, not enforcement.
For guests who want to send something tangible but you’re requesting donations, you can gently redirect them toward other practical comfort gestures. Funeral.com’s What to Send Instead of Flowers guide can be a helpful companion resource to share when friends ask, “What would actually help?”
Where cremation choices and donation requests overlap
Families sometimes worry that asking for donations means they can’t also talk about memorial items, or that it will look contradictory if they’re also choosing an urn or jewelry. In reality, these are different lanes of care. Donations are about directing public generosity. Memorial items are about private closeness—what helps you live with the loss after the guests go home.
Because cremation is so common, many families are making these decisions together. The Cremation Association of North America reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024 and continued growth projections. In other words, if your family is navigating cremation-related choices, you are in very familiar territory. :contentReference[oaicite:2]{index=2}
If you’re early in the process and you’re thinking about what to do with ashes, it can help to separate the “public message” from the “private plan.” Your obituary might include a single donation line, while your family quietly decides whether you want keeping ashes at home, scattering later, burial in a cemetery, or a water burial. If that decision is still in motion, that is normal—and you don’t need to solve it to write respectful donation wording.
When you are ready to explore options, the most common next step is choosing a primary urn. Funeral.com’s How to Choose a Cremation Urn guide explains capacity, materials, and practical considerations in a way that reduces stress. If you want to browse gently, you can start with cremation urns for ashes, then narrow by plan—sharing, traveling, or home display.
If your family is sharing ashes among siblings or keeping a small portion close, small cremation urns often feel like the “middle ground” between a full-size urn and a tiny keepsake. And if the goal is a small, token amount for multiple people, keepsake urns are designed specifically for that shared-memorial role.
For families who want a memorial that moves with them—especially when grief shows up in ordinary moments—cremation jewelry can feel surprisingly steady. A cremation necklace typically holds a very small portion of ashes, and it can be a private form of remembrance even when life returns to its regular pace. If you want a practical overview of styles and filling considerations, Funeral.com’s Cremation Necklaces for Ashes guide is a helpful place to start.
If your loss includes a pet, donation wording can also be a way to honor that bond—especially if the person supported an animal rescue or shelter. In the home, families often find comfort in choosing pet urns for ashes that reflect the pet’s personality, or in selecting a piece that looks like art rather than “a container.” For that, pet figurine cremation urns can be a meaningful option. If multiple people want a small portion, pet keepsake cremation urns keep the plan simple without diminishing the love behind it.
And if you’re coordinating donations while also budgeting for cremation-related costs, you’re not alone in wanting a clear financial picture. Funeral.com’s how much does cremation cost guide breaks down common pricing factors in plain language—useful if you’re trying to make decisions calmly rather than under pressure.
One last reassurance
Asking for donations instead of flowers is not a test of etiquette. It’s simply a way to guide love into a form that fits your family and honors the person who died. If you keep your wording clear, keep it optional, and make the “how” easy, most people will feel relieved—not pressured. They’ll be grateful you told them what matters, and they’ll show up in the way they can.
Frequently asked questions
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Is it rude to say “in lieu of flowers” in an obituary?
No. It’s widely understood as a practical, respectful direction for guests who want to help. The tone matters more than the phrase itself. If you want to soften it, add one sentence that emphasizes that presence and kindness matter most.
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What’s the simplest donation wording that still feels kind?
A reliable format is: “In lieu of flowers, those who wish may make a memorial donation to [Charity Name] in honor of [Name]: [Link].” If you add a second sentence—“Your support means the most”—it usually reads warmer without getting longer.
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Should we include the donation link in the obituary and on social media?
Yes, repeating the same link is typically helpful. People find details in different places, and a single consistent link reduces confusion and prevents guests from having to ask the family for logistics.
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Is it okay to list two charities?
Yes, especially when two causes clearly reflect the person’s life. Keep it to two whenever possible and include both links. If you want to reduce decision fatigue, add a short line encouraging people to choose whichever feels most meaningful to them.
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How do we ask for help with expenses without sounding uncomfortable?
Be direct and brief: name the purpose in one sentence (travel, meals, final expenses) and provide a link. Avoid long explanations. Most people appreciate clear guidance and will interpret it as a practical way to support the family.
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Can we request donations and still choose memorial items like an urn or cremation necklace?
Yes. Donations guide public generosity; memorial items support private remembrance. Many families do both, especially when cremation is part of the plan and they are also deciding on an urn, keepsake urns for sharing, or a cremation necklace for everyday closeness.