If you’ve ever walked through a veterans cemetery or a section of military graves on Memorial Day, you’ve probably noticed how quiet the details can be. A small flag placed with care. Fresh flowers tucked close to the stone. Sometimes a folded note weighed down by a smooth pebble. And, often, a coin—just a bit of change resting at the base of a marker, as if someone set it down and didn’t want to disturb the silence with anything bigger.
For many families, that moment sparks the same questions: Who left that? Why a coin? Does the kind of coin matter? The short answer is yes—this practice is a widely recognized military graveside tradition, and the denomination often carries a specific message about the visitor’s connection to the person buried there. At its best, it’s a small, respectful way of saying, “You’re remembered,” without asking the family for anything in return.
This guide explains the common meanings behind the tradition, the etiquette that helps you participate respectfully, and a few gentle ways to honor a veteran’s grave if you’re visiting for the first time.
The heart of the tradition: a quiet message left behind
In grief, people reach for symbols. We bring flowers because they don’t need words. We place flags because service deserves public gratitude. Coins, though, feel different: they’re small enough to be private, but unmistakable enough to be understood by others who know what they mean.
One of the most often-cited reasons for leaving a coin is simple: it tells the family (and anyone who tends the grave) that someone showed up. The gesture is meant to be about presence, not performance—an acknowledgment that the veteran’s life still echoes in the world of the living.
Organizations that work closely with veterans and military families describe this as a meaningful sign of respect and remembrance, with different denominations reflecting different relationships. For example, the Wounded Warrior Project explains the tradition and notes that the coin can also be a quiet way to let a family know a visitor came by.
It’s also worth knowing that practices can vary slightly by region, cemetery, or community. Think of the meanings below as the most common “shared language,” not a rigid rulebook.
What each coin means on a military grave
Most explanations of coins on a soldier’s headstone follow the same basic code—especially when the coins are pennies, nickels, dimes, or quarters. In a widely shared summary of the tradition, Coffee or Die notes that Arlington National Cemetery has explained the meanings in a public message: a penny indicates a visit, while higher denominations indicate deeper or more direct shared experience.
Here’s how the meanings are typically understood:
- Penny: A simple visit. It often means, “I was here” or “You’re remembered.” In many retellings, the penny can also signal that you knew the person or were connected in some way, even if you didn’t serve together.
- Nickel: You trained together—often described as having been through basic training or boot camp together.
- Dime: You served together in some capacity.
- Quarter: You were present at the time of death, or served with them in a way that connects to their loss. This is often described as the most weighty of the four, because it implies proximity to the hardest moment.
If you’re wondering about challenge coins (the larger, medallion-like coins often associated with units), those are sometimes left too. They’re usually meant as a direct symbol of shared service, unit identity, or professional respect. Sources discussing the tradition commonly note that challenge coins are often left in place longer than currency, because they’re not “change”—they’re keepsakes.
Why coins, specifically, became such a lasting custom
You’ll occasionally see articles link the custom to ancient traditions of leaving coins with the dead, but most modern explanations focus on what coins accomplish in the present: they’re discreet, durable, and universally understood as intentional when placed carefully.
Some accounts connect the modern U.S. practice to the Vietnam era, suggesting that leaving a coin offered a nonverbal way to pay respect without creating conflict in a politically divided time. Resource from the Montana Department of Military Affairs, for example, describes the Vietnam-era explanation and also mentions how coins may be collected for cemetery-related purposes.
Not every cemetery handles coins exactly the same way, but you’ll often hear that staff eventually collect loose change left at graves—sometimes directing it toward maintenance or veteran-related assistance. Both the Wounded Warrior Project and other summaries of the practice describe that general idea (with the important caveat that policies vary by cemetery).
The point, emotionally, is that the coin becomes a “witness.” It says: the veteran’s story is still being carried.
Etiquette for leaving coins at a veteran’s grave
If you want to participate, you don’t need to overthink it. You just need to be respectful of the cemetery, the family, and the grave marker itself.
Choose a simple placement that won’t cause damage
A safe approach is to place the coin at the base of the headstone, on the flat ledge if there is one, or on the ground close to the marker where it won’t slip and scratch. Avoid wedging anything into seams or pressing coins into soft materials. If the grave has decorations, don’t rearrange them to “make room.” Place your coin gently in an open spot.
Don’t take coins from a grave
Even if you’re curious, it’s best to treat coins as part of the memorial space. Some articles explicitly caution against touching or removing coins you didn’t place.
Follow the cemetery’s rules about mementos
Different cemeteries have different policies about what can be left—and for how long. Arlington National Cemetery, for example, has published guidance about items left at gravesites in certain sections.
If you’re planning a visit during a holiday, Funeral.com’s guide to Memorial Day cemetery decorations is a helpful reminder that “simple and intentional” is often the most respectful approach.
Keep the moment quiet and leave the space as you found it
If you’re visiting when others are present, let the atmosphere lead. A quick pause. A hand on the stone (only if permitted and culturally appropriate). A silent thank-you. Many families find comfort in the fact that strangers sometimes stop and acknowledge service without turning it into a scene.
What if you didn’t serve with them?
This is one of the most tender questions, especially around Memorial Day or Veterans Day. People sometimes worry they’ll be “claiming” a relationship they didn’t have. If that’s you, choose the simplest symbol: a penny.
A penny is widely understood as a visit—an act of remembrance that doesn’t imply shared training or service. And in practice, many families see a penny as deeply comforting: it’s proof that the veteran’s name is still being spoken in someone’s mind.
If you’re visiting a relative’s grave and you’re bringing children, you can frame it in plain language: “We leave a coin to show we came to remember.” The goal isn’t to teach kids a perfect code; it’s to teach them how to show respect.
Coins are one kind of symbol among many
Graveside customs often travel together. Coins might appear alongside flags, flowers, and other tokens—each one telling a slightly different part of the story.
If your loved one’s marker includes military emblems, the Funeral.com guide to headstone symbols and icons can help you understand what you’re seeing and why those symbols matter. And if you’re trying to honor a veteran during a holiday visit, Funeral.com’s article on American flag meaning and proper use at graves offers practical etiquette that pairs naturally with coin traditions.
For families who are planning services (or attending a committal ceremony) and want to understand the full range of honors, Funeral.com also has a helpful guide to veterans funeral benefits and military honors.
When you’re not sure what the “right” thing is
Grief is full of uncertainty. Even traditions can feel intimidating when you’re afraid of doing the wrong thing in a sacred place.
If you’re unsure, anchor yourself to two principles:
- Choose the gesture that communicates respect without implying a relationship you don’t have. (A penny is usually the safest choice.)
- Follow the cemetery’s posted rules and the tone of the space.
And if you’re ever in doubt about what’s allowed—what can be left, how long it can stay, what materials are permitted—start with the cemetery’s regulations. Funeral.com’s guide to headstone regulations and cemetery rules is a helpful reminder that different cemeteries have different standards, and those rules matter.
A final thought: small gestures still carry weight
There’s a reason this tradition endures. Coins don’t wilt. They don’t blow away easily. They don’t require a card or an introduction. They’re a small, steady way to say: your service was seen, and it is still remembered.
So if you find yourself standing at a veteran’s grave—on Memorial Day grave customs, on a birthday, on an ordinary Tuesday that suddenly feels heavy—know that you’re allowed to keep it simple. A coin. A pause. A quiet thank-you. In a place shaped by sacrifice, even small acts of remembrance matter.
