If you’ve been handed a list of options—wake, viewing, funeral, memorial, celebration of life—it can feel like someone just asked you to plan an event while your heart is in pieces. And yet, this decision matters, because the gathering (or gatherings) you choose often becomes the container for everything that follows: the first hard conversations, the first embraces, the first time you say, “I can’t believe this is real.”
It may help to know you’re not alone in feeling unsure. In the U.S., families are navigating more combinations of tradition and flexibility than ever, partly because cremation has become the most common choice. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025 and is projected to rise to 82.3% by 2045. And according to the Cremation Association of North America, the U.S. cremation rate reached 61.8% in 2024 (with Canada at 76.7%), which helps explain why “service after cremation” planning has become so common.
So instead of trying to pick the “correct” label, try this: picture what your family needs most right now—time to receive people, time to say goodbye, time to pray or speak, time to laugh, time to keep things small, time to bring far-away relatives in. Then choose a format that supports that.
The simplest way to think about these gatherings
Most families aren’t choosing between five completely separate events. They’re choosing which elements matter to them, and then building around those elements in a way that fits their lives. For some families, the most important part is an open, come-and-go window where people can hug you, bring food, and say something kind. For others, it’s the structure of a ceremony—music, readings, prayers, a eulogy—because structure can hold you up when you’re tired. And for many, it’s a sense of finality: burial, a committal, or a cremation-centered closing moment that helps the mind accept what the heart is still resisting. Sometimes families also want a more personal gathering—story-heavy, informal, and warm—often called a celebration of life.
Those pieces can show up in a wake, a viewing/visitation, a funeral, a memorial service, or a celebration of life—sometimes all in one day, sometimes spread out over weeks.
What a wake usually feels like
A wake is often the most relational of the options. People come to “be with” the family—sometimes in a formal setting like a funeral home, sometimes in a home or community hall, sometimes connected to a religious tradition. Depending on culture and faith, a wake might include prayers, readings, or a rosary. Or it may simply be a long, gentle stream of visitors: food arriving, stories repeating, someone you haven’t seen in years standing in the doorway saying, “I’m so sorry.”
If you’re trying to understand how wakes overlap with other gatherings, Funeral.com’s guide, What Is a Wake? Differences Between a Wake, Viewing, Visitation, and Funeral Service, helps put language to what families often experience intuitively.
A wake can happen with burial or with cremation. If cremation is planned, a wake may still be held with photos, candles, and a memorial table—sometimes with an urn present, sometimes not. For many families, it’s less about the body or the urn and more about creating a place where love has somewhere to go.
Viewing vs visitation: what’s the difference?
A visitation is the time set aside for people to pay respects and offer condolences. A viewing is a choice within that visitation—the option for guests to see the person who has died (typically in an open casket). That means you can have a visitation with no viewing, a visitation with a viewing, or (less commonly) a viewing that is described as its own scheduled block of time.
If you’re unsure what actually happens during this portion—what you do, what you say, how long you stay—Funeral.com’s What Happens at a Visitation or Viewing? walks through it in a grounded, family-friendly way.
For families choosing cremation, viewings are still possible (when desired) before cremation, but many families choose a visitation without a viewing, especially if the death was difficult or the person explicitly wanted simplicity. If you’re feeling torn, it can help to reframe the question from “Do we need a viewing?” to “Would seeing them help us accept the reality of what happened—or would it add stress and pressure we don’t need?”
What a funeral service usually includes
A funeral is typically the most structured event. In many traditions, it’s a ceremony with readings, music, prayers, or reflections—followed by a committal (burial at the cemetery) or another form of final rite. Some funerals are formal and religious; others are simple, secular, and brief. What makes it a “funeral” in most people’s minds is that it’s the main ceremony—the moment when the community is intentionally gathered to honor the person and support the family.
If you want a clear explanation of how funerals differ from memorials (especially when cremation is involved), Funeral.com’s What Is the Difference Between a Funeral and a Memorial Service? is a helpful companion read. And if you’re planning a funeral and want it to feel meaningful without getting overwhelmed by details, How To Plan A Meaningful Funeral Service offers a calm path through the decisions.
Memorial service and celebration of life: why they feel different
A memorial service is typically held after burial or cremation, and the body is not present. That timing is often a relief: it gives families room to breathe, travel, coordinate, and plan something that fits. A memorial can still be formal (religious readings, traditional music, a program), but it doesn’t have to be.
A celebration of life usually leans more personal and story-forward. It often feels less like “a service you attend” and more like “a life you enter for a while.” Favorite music. Shared stories. Photos everywhere. A meal. A memory table with the things they loved. Sometimes it’s held in a home, backyard, brewery, community center, or favorite park.
If you’re deciding between these two, Memorial Service vs Celebration of Life: Key Differences and How to Choose lays out the emotional tone differences in plain language. If you want practical guidance, How to Plan a Celebration of Life (Step-by-Step Guide) is designed for families who don’t want to turn grief into a production.
How families combine events without “doing too much”
A common fear is that you’ll either do too little and regret it, or do too much and collapse. In reality, many families choose a simple combination that fits their people and their bandwidth.
One common approach is a brief visitation the evening before a structured ceremony the next day. Another is choosing a small graveside service or committal first, and then planning a more personal gathering later when travel is easier and everyone can actually be present. And many families—especially with cremation—handle the practical timeline first, then host a memorial or celebration of life when the shock has softened enough to make planning possible.
If out-of-town family is a major factor, separating “the practical disposition timeline” from “the gathering timeline” is often the kindest move. You can handle necessary paperwork and scheduling, then plan the gathering when your people can realistically come.
Where cremation choices fit into the service decisions
When families choose cremation, the question often shifts quickly from “Which service do we choose?” to what to do with ashes—and how to make the ceremony feel tangible.
This is where funeral planning and memorialization start to overlap. An urn can become the focal point at a memorial. Cremation jewelry can be the quiet comfort someone carries into a room full of people. Keepsake urns can ease conflict when multiple relatives want a way to feel connected. And if you’re planning for a smaller home display, small cremation urns can feel more realistic than a full-size piece, especially in shared spaces.
If you’re exploring options, these Funeral.com collections are a gentle place to start without having to know the “right” terms: cremation urns and cremation urns for ashes (Cremation Urns for Ashes); small cremation urns (Small Cremation Urns for Ashes); keepsake urns (Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes); and cremation necklaces / cremation jewelry (Cremation Necklaces, Cremation Jewelry, and Cremation Charms & Pendants).
If you want guidance that ties these choices directly to real scenarios—home, burial, scattering, travel, sharing—start with How to Choose a Cremation Urn That Actually Fits Your Plans (Home, Burial, Scattering, Travel). If your family is considering keeping ashes at home, this guide is practical and respectful: Keeping Ashes at Home: How to Do It Safely, Respectfully, and Legally. And if your ceremony includes a shoreline, boat, or meaningful body of water, Funeral.com’s guide to water burial can help you plan responsibly: Understanding What Happens During a Water Burial Ceremony.
Planning after cremation doesn’t have to be “either/or”
One of the most tender truths about grief is that different people need different kinds of closeness. A spouse may want the urn at home. An adult child may want a small amount to keep in their own space. A sibling may want scattering. Someone else may feel comforted by cremation necklaces they can wear privately.
That doesn’t mean the family is “doing it wrong.” It means your love is taking multiple shapes.
If disagreements are already forming, this is worth reading sooner rather than later: When Family Disagrees About What to Do with Ashes: Compromise, Legal Rights, and Creative Solutions. And if your family is considering dividing ashes in a clear, thoughtful way, Keepsake Urns and Sharing Urns: When Families Want to Divide Ashes explains how people do it safely and meaningfully.
Pet loss is part of family loss, too
Sometimes a death reopens older grief—including the grief of losing a pet who was part of the home’s rhythm. And sometimes families want to honor a pet alongside a human loss (for children especially, this can be grounding: “We remember everyone we love.”)
If you’re looking for pet urns, pet urns for ashes, or pet cremation urns, Funeral.com has dedicated collections that are specific enough to feel personal, including Pet Cremation Urns for Ashes, Pet Figurine Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Pet Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes. For a compassionate, practical overview, Pet Urns for Ashes: A Complete Guide for Dog and Cat Owners meets families where they are—without minimizing the bond.
Cost, timing, and what’s actually necessary
When families ask how much does cremation cost, they’re usually trying to protect themselves from financial shock while still doing right by someone they love. The hard part is that costs depend on region, provider, and which services you include (viewing, embalming, printed materials, venue, catering, transportation, cemetery fees, and more).
If your goal is clarity—not doomscrolling—these guides are designed to help you compare realistically: How Much Does Cremation Cost? Average Prices and Budget-Friendly Options, Average Funeral and Cremation Costs Today: Updated Price Guide and Ways to Compare, and Funeral Costs Broken Down: What You’re Paying For and How to Compare Price Lists.
One gentle planning tip: if budget is tight, choose one moment that matters most—an hour to receive people, a short ceremony for meaning, or a meal that lets stories surface—and keep the rest simple. People rarely remember how elaborate something was. They remember whether it felt honest.
Choosing the “right” tone is a form of care
A traditional funeral can be the right choice even for a very modern family—especially if faith, elders, or community expectations matter. And a celebration of life can be the right choice even for a very traditional family—especially if the person who died would have wanted warmth, humor, and storytelling.
If clothing expectations are adding stress (it’s common), this resource can help reduce anxiety quickly: What to Wear to a Funeral, Wake, or Celebration of Life: Dress Code Made Simple.
Ultimately, the best choice is the one that supports your family’s real lives: your travel constraints, your relationships, your energy, your faith (or lack of it), your budget, and your need for meaning.
A final word if you feel overwhelmed
You don’t have to plan the perfect gathering. You’re not trying to produce an event—you’re trying to honor a person and take care of the living. Start with what feels doable, then add only what truly helps.
