When a child dies, time can feel warped. Minutes crawl, but decisions appear fast and urgent: calls to make, paperwork to sign, family to notify, and the question of what kind of goodbye you can bear. If you’re searching child funeral planning, funeral for a child, or infant funeral planning, it usually means you’re trying to do two things at once—protect your heart and still take care of your child with tenderness and dignity.
This guide is written for that exact moment. We’ll walk through what families commonly face (without pushing you into an “ideal” timeline), the choices that tend to feel most overwhelming (burial, cremation, memorial, viewing), and the gentle personalization ideas that don’t turn your grief into a project. Along the way, you’ll see practical options for cremation urns, cremation urns for ashes, small cremation urns, keepsake urns, and cremation jewelry—including ways families choose keepsakes for parents, grandparents, and siblings.
Why the decisions come so quickly (and why it’s okay to slow down where you can)
Many families are surprised by how quickly arrangements begin. Sometimes there are medical or legal steps first, sometimes not, but almost always there’s a sense that you’re being asked to “decide” before you’ve even caught your breath. If you can hold onto one grounding truth, let it be this: you do not have to decide everything at once. You only have to decide the next right step.
One reason these choices show up more often now is that more families are choosing cremation overall, which changes the kinds of questions people ask after a death—about urns, keepsakes, scattering, and keeping ashes at home. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025, compared with a projected burial rate of 31.6%. The Cremation Association of North America reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024. Those numbers don’t make child loss easier, but they do explain why many funeral homes are set up to support families who want a service now and an urn decision (or final placement decision) later.
The first conversations: what a funeral home will ask you, and what you can postpone
In the earliest calls, a funeral home will typically ask for basics: your child’s name and identifying information, where they are now (hospital, home, medical examiner), whether you’re considering burial or cremation, and what kind of gathering (if any) you want right away. If the question lands like a weight—“Do you want burial or cremation?”—it can help to answer with a bridge: “We’re leaning toward cremation, but we need time,” or “We don’t know yet; what are our timelines?”
If you choose cremation, you may hear terms like “direct cremation” (cremation without a viewing beforehand) versus cremation with services. If you choose burial, you may be asked about a cemetery plot, a grave liner or vault (cemetery rules vary), and whether you want a viewing. No matter which path you choose, you can often postpone decisions about personalization—music, readings, photos, keepsakes—until you feel steadier. The funeral home can hold space for the practical steps while you take your time with the meaning.
Burial, cremation, or a memorial: common options for a child’s service
Families choose all kinds of goodbyes. Some want the structure of a traditional funeral. Some want a quiet graveside moment. Some want a memorial later, when travel and emotions are less impossible. Your decision is allowed to match your capacity, your beliefs, your budget, and your child’s personality.
If you’re considering cremation
If cremation is part of your plan, it can help to separate the service from the container. A service can happen before cremation (with a viewing), after cremation (with an urn present), or without an urn at all if that feels better in the moment. When you’re ready to explore options, you can start with Funeral.com’s cremation urns for ashes collection to see the full range of styles and materials. Many families planning a child’s service also find themselves drawn to Funeral.com’s small cremation urns, because these are often sized for smaller capacities while still feeling like a “primary” urn.
Families frequently ask: “Is there a specific urn category for infants and children?” The most reliable way to choose is to focus on capacity and the plan—display at home, cemetery placement, travel, or future scattering—rather than relying only on labels. If you want a gentle, practical guide written specifically for this situation, Choosing a Cremation Urn for a Child or Infant can help you understand sizing, materials, and keepsake options without pressure.
If your family wants multiple people to have something tangible, that’s where Funeral.com’s keepsake urns can be an act of kindness. A keepsake doesn’t replace a main plan—it supports the reality that parents, grandparents, and siblings may grieve differently and want something in their own space.
If you’re considering burial
Burial can be traditional, simple, faith-based, or deeply personal. If burial is your plan, a funeral director can help you understand cemetery rules (timing, vault or liner requirements, what is allowed at the graveside) and what can be personalized—blankets, small letters, drawings from siblings, or a favorite object that feels right to include. Some families choose burial because they want a fixed place to visit; others choose it because it matches family tradition or belief. There’s no “right” choice here—only what your family can live with.
If you’re choosing a memorial service (now or later)
A memorial can happen quickly or months from now. Some families choose a small private gathering first and a larger memorial later. Others choose a celebration of life in a place that mattered—home, school gym, church hall, park. If you’re trying to decide whether children should attend, or how to prepare siblings and cousins, Funeral.com’s guides on whether children should attend funerals and kids at funerals can help you plan for real life—bathroom breaks, quiet activities, and a “safe adult” who can step out with a child if feelings get big.
The tender details families often worry about
There are a handful of decisions that can feel uniquely painful in funeral for a child planning, not because they are complicated on paper, but because they make the reality undeniable. If you’re stuck in one of these, you’re not failing. You’re grieving.
Clothing and personal items
Families often ask what a child should wear. There is no rule. Some choose formal clothing. Some choose pajamas. Some choose a favorite outfit that looks like “them.” Some choose a blanket, a stuffed animal, a letter, or a small drawing from a sibling. If it comforts you and feels respectful, it belongs in the conversation.
Who should attend (and what to tell people)
In child loss, crowds can feel both supportive and unbearable. You’re allowed to set boundaries: immediate family only, a short time window, no receiving line, no photography, no livestream, or yes to all of those if they help you. If you’re worried about children being present, you can create a plan that respects them—simple language, a clear description of what they’ll see, and permission to step out.
Photos, keepsakes, and “memory objects”
Many families want something they can hold later, when shock fades and longing grows. This might be a handprint, a lock of hair (if available and desired), a memory box, a name bracelet, a framed photo near the service, or a small token placed with your child. If cremation is part of your plan, some families choose cremation jewelry as a quiet, wearable anchor—especially when returning home without a child makes the body feel unmoored.
If you’re exploring that option, Funeral.com’s cremation jewelry collection includes pieces designed to hold a tiny portion of ashes, and Funeral.com’s cremation necklaces collection focuses specifically on necklace styles. For practical guidance—how pieces hold ashes, what closures are more secure, and what to expect emotionally—Cremation Jewelry 101 is a supportive place to start.
For families facing stillbirth or infant loss, remembrance photography can also be a profound gift, even if you’re unsure in the moment. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a nonprofit that provides remembrance photography for families experiencing the loss of a baby.
Urns and keepsakes for a child: choosing with care, not pressure
If you’re choosing an urn for a child, it may help to name the job first. Is the urn meant to be a long-term home memorial? Is it meant to be buried? Is it meant to be temporary while you decide what to do with ashes? Is it part of a plan where some ashes are kept and some are scattered or placed through water burial?
If you want a clear framework for choosing materials and sizing (without getting lost in product pages), Funeral.com’s guide on how to choose a cremation urn walks through what matters most: capacity, placement, material, and the kind of closure that feels secure for your household.
And if you feel pulled toward sharing remembrance—one keepsake for a parent, one for a grandparent, something for a sibling to hold on hard days—this is exactly what keepsake urns were made for. You can explore options in keepsake cremation urns for ashes, and if you need something a bit larger than a tiny keepsake, small cremation urns can serve as a “second home base” for another household.
Keeping ashes at home, scattering, or water burial: planning the next steps gently
After child loss, many families are not ready to decide a final resting place quickly. Keeping ashes at home can be a compassionate pause—time to breathe, time to grieve, time to let the first wave pass before committing to a permanent decision. If you’re looking for practical guidance (safe storage, household concerns, and the emotional side of “what now?”), keeping cremation ashes at home is a calm, step-by-step resource. If you’re also facing the moment of transferring ashes into an urn, this guide on transferring ashes to an urn can help you set up a workspace that reduces the chance of spills and panic.
If your family is considering scattering or water burial, it’s worth learning what the ceremony typically looks like and what practical rules can apply (boat requirements, biodegradable containers, safety planning). Funeral.com’s guide on what happens during a water burial ceremony can help you picture the process without surprises.
The money question: how much does cremation cost, and what changes the total
In the middle of heartbreak, it can feel wrong to think about money—yet the bills are real, and many families need clarity. People often search how much does cremation cost because they’re comparing very different experiences: direct cremation, cremation with services, burial, and memorial-only gatherings.
For a national context, the National Funeral Directors Association reports median costs for funerals with burial and with cremation (with viewing and services) in its published statistics. For an explanation of what you’re actually paying for—and what commonly changes the final number—Funeral.com’s Average Cremation Cost and What Changes the Price is written in plain language, with the kind of comparison points families can use when they’re requesting quotes.
When the whole family is grieving: siblings, grandparents, and even pets
Child loss doesn’t only touch parents. It moves through siblings who may not have words, grandparents who may be grieving twice (for a grandchild and for their child’s pain), and close friends who don’t know how to show up. If you’re planning a service and trying to care for siblings at the same time, it can help to give them a small role: choosing a song, placing a flower, bringing a drawing, or helping select a keepsake that stays in the home.
And while it may feel surprising to mention, many families also find that pet grief intensifies child grief—because pets are part of the home’s emotional fabric. If your family is also honoring a beloved animal companion (or if a child’s death makes earlier pet loss resurface), Funeral.com has dedicated collections for pet urns for ashes and pet cremation urns, including pet figurine cremation urns for ashes for families who want something that looks like art, and pet keepsake cremation urns for ashes for sharing a small portion among households.
Support resources for bereaved parents (you don’t have to carry this alone)
Even if you have loving people around you, child loss can feel isolating—because most people simply don’t understand it unless they’ve lived it. Support doesn’t erase grief, but it can reduce the loneliness, help you sleep, and give you a place where your child’s name can be spoken without making the room uncomfortable.
- The Compassionate Friends offers peer support for families after the death of a child, including local chapters and online communities.
- Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support supports families after miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss, with chapters and resources.
- MISS Foundation provides counseling resources, referrals, and support services for families grieving the death of a child.
- Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep provides remembrance photography services for families experiencing the loss of a baby.
- If you need immediate emotional support, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 in the U.S. (call, text, or chat).
If you read this and realize you’re operating on fumes, please hear this clearly: you deserve care, not just endurance. If you can, ask a friend to sit with you during calls, write down decisions, and protect you from having to explain the story repeatedly. And if there is one person in your life who will be steady, let them be your “logistics shield” while you focus on loving your child and surviving the hours.
FAQs
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Do we have to choose burial or cremation right away?
Often, you only need to choose the next step that affects timing (for example, whether cremation is planned soon, or whether burial arrangements are being scheduled). Many details—like the exact urn, keepsakes, scattering decisions, and personalization—can be made later. A funeral director can tell you what must be decided now versus what can wait.
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What size urn do we need for a baby or child?
Urns are sized by capacity (usually cubic inches), and needs vary widely. Many families compare options by starting with small cremation urns and then selecting a capacity that matches their plan (home display, cemetery placement, sharing, or future scattering). When in doubt, choosing a little extra capacity can prevent a painful “it doesn’t fit” moment.
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Is it okay to keep ashes at home for a while?
Yes. Many families choose keeping ashes at home as a temporary or long-term plan while they decide what feels right. What matters most is a secure container, a stable placement, and a household plan that respects everyone’s comfort—especially if there are young siblings or pets in the home.
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Can we split ashes between an urn, keepsake urns, and cremation jewelry?
Many families do. A common approach is one primary urn for the majority, plus keepsake urns or cremation jewelry for parents, grandparents, or siblings who want something tangible in their own space. Funeral homes can often help with dividing remains, or you can plan a careful transfer when you feel ready.
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Where can we find support that understands child loss?
Peer support groups and specialized organizations can reduce isolation. The Compassionate Friends supports families after the death of a child at any age, Share supports pregnancy and infant loss, and the MISS Foundation offers resources for traumatic grief. If you need immediate emotional support, 988 is available 24/7 in the U.S.
