In the first days after a death, time can feel strange. There is paperwork, phone calls, and a swirl of well-meaning advice, but there is also a quieter need that doesn’t fit neatly on a checklist: the need to pray, to remember, to keep love from turning into silence. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, one of the most enduring ways families do this is through the Panikhida—an Orthodox memorial service offered for the repose of the soul.
If you are new to Orthodox funeral customs, or you’re trying to support a loved one whose family is Orthodox, it helps to know what a Panikhida is, when it is usually served, what happens during the prayers, and how to coordinate details with a parish, a funeral home, and cemetery rules. This guide is meant to make those steps feel clearer and less intimidating, while still honoring the tenderness of what you are carrying.
What a Panikhida Is and Why Families Ask for It
The word Panikhida is often used in Slavic Orthodox traditions for a memorial service for the departed. In Greek settings, you may hear “mnemosyno” (memorial). In everyday practice, families use these terms to describe a service where the Church prays for the departed by name, asking God to forgive sins and grant rest in His presence. The tone is not performative. It is faithful and intimate—more like standing beside someone in prayer than giving a speech about them.
According to the Orthodox Church in America, a Panikhida is commonly celebrated after death on the third, ninth, and fortieth days, and it may be served at other times as well. The dates matter not because grief has a deadline, but because Orthodox life is shaped by a liturgical rhythm: prayers return, again and again, to hold a person’s name before God and to hold the family inside a community that remembers.
In many parishes, the Panikhida is served after the Divine Liturgy, when the congregation is already gathered and the Church’s prayer is at its fullest. But families also request memorial services at the graveside, or at other moments when a priest can come and pray. The heart of it is the same: Eastern Orthodox prayers for the dead, offered with humility and hope.
When a Panikhida Is Held
Orthodox memorial customs vary slightly by jurisdiction and parish life, but there are patterns you will see again and again. If you are trying to figure out what is “normal,” it helps to remember this: in Orthodoxy, the funeral and the memorial services are not separated by a hard line. The Church continues to pray for the departed, and families continue to show up. The calendar gives shape to that showing up.
The first days and the funeral timeline
In many communities, a brief memorial prayer may be served before the funeral, sometimes at the funeral home, sometimes at the church, and sometimes at the graveside. The funeral itself is its own service, but families often talk about “memorial prayers” in the same breath because it is all part of Orthodox funeral traditions. If you are coordinating with a funeral home, let them know early that you are working with an Orthodox parish so they can align visitation, transport, and timing with what the priest expects.
The third, ninth, and fortieth day
The most commonly requested memorial services are tied to these days. The Orthodox Church in America notes that Panikhidas are generally celebrated on the third, ninth, and fortieth days after death. Families often speak of the 40 days Orthodox memorial as a particularly meaningful milestone, and in some Greek Orthodox settings it may be scheduled on the Sunday closest to the fortieth day so the whole parish can participate.
People sometimes ask, “Why these days?” Different teachers and local customs offer different explanations, often linking the rhythm of remembrance to Scripture, to ancient Christian practice, and to the way the Church accompanies the departed and the living through the earliest season of grief. What matters most in planning is simpler: these are common days to request prayers, and priests recognize them immediately.
Anniversaries and Soul Saturdays
Beyond the first forty days, families often request a memorial on the one-year anniversary, sometimes also on the three-year anniversary, and then each year after. In Greek Orthodox usage, churches also observe “Saturdays of the Souls,” when the community prays collectively for the departed. Many parishes describe the practice of submitting names for commemoration and preparing koliva; for example, Saint Mark Greek Orthodox Church outlines common memorial timing and koliva customs.
If you are planning an anniversary memorial Orthodox service, call the parish office well in advance. Many parishes have busy calendars—feasts, weddings, baptisms, and a packed liturgical cycle. Early scheduling is not pushy; it is a kindness to your future self.
What Happens During the Service
If you have never attended a Panikhida, you may worry about doing something wrong. You don’t need to know every response to be present faithfully. The structure is carried by the priest, chanter, and congregation. Your part is mainly to arrive, to listen, to hold a candle when offered, and to bring your loved one’s name into the prayer of the Church.
Prayers, hymns, and the presence of the name
A Panikhida includes psalms, litanies, and hymns that echo themes of mercy, rest, and resurrection hope. The departed is commemorated by name, sometimes with a list that the family provides. In many parishes, you will write the baptismal name of the departed (and sometimes other departed family members) on a slip of paper for the priest to read. This can feel surprisingly tender: grief becomes a name spoken aloud in prayer, not just a private ache.
Families sometimes hear more than one term for related services. The Orthodox Church in America explains that the Trisagion service is an extremely abbreviated memorial service, and that longer forms may be called Panikhida or Parastas, depending on tradition. Knowing these words helps you communicate with clergy and funeral directors without feeling lost.
Candles and the quiet ritual of standing together
In many memorial services, people hold lit candles. The small flame becomes a steady focus when emotions are not steady. If you are bringing children, it helps to explain simply that the candle is part of prayer, and it is okay if they need breaks. Ask an usher where to stand or when to approach; parishes are used to visitors and will guide you gently.
Koliva and the meal of memory
In many Greek Orthodox memorial customs, families prepare koliva—boiled wheat often mixed with sugar, spices, and nuts—brought to church and blessed at the memorial. Some parishes explain that families may also submit names for commemoration and bring koliva to be blessed; for example, Saint Mark Greek Orthodox Church describes common memorial timing and koliva practices. Koliva is both symbolic and practical: it points to resurrection imagery (a seed that falls into the earth and rises), and it also becomes a shared act of remembrance as it is distributed.
Some families cook it themselves as a devotion; others arrange it through a parish ministry group. Either way, do not let the logistics become a burden that crowds out the meaning. If you cannot manage koliva, tell the parish. The Church is not grading you. The goal is prayer, not perfection.
Panikhida vs Trisagion: What’s the Difference?
It’s common to hear a family say, “We’re having a Panikhida,” and then later someone mentions a “Trisagion.” These terms can be confusing because different parishes use them differently in everyday conversation. The simplest way to think about it is this: the Trisagion is a shorter memorial prayer, often used when time or setting calls for brevity, while Panikhida can refer to a fuller memorial service.
The Orthodox Church in America notes that the Trisagion is often celebrated on the eve of a funeral and on anniversaries and other occasions, and that it reflects closing hymns from longer memorial services. Practically, this means you might have a brief service at the funeral home, a fuller funeral service at church, and then a short graveside commemoration—each one meaningful, each one suited to its place.
If you are uncertain what your parish expects, the best question is not “Which one is correct?” but “What service does Father recommend for this moment?” Priests navigate these pastoral details every week, and they will help you choose what fits both tradition and circumstance.
How Families Coordinate Panikhida with a Parish, Funeral Home, and Cemetery
Even deeply spiritual services have practical edges. Timing, paperwork, and cemetery rules can shape what is possible. When families coordinate well, the day feels less chaotic and more prayerful. Here are the most common coordination points—kept brief so they support the narrative rather than turning grief into a checklist.
- Call the parish early to schedule. Ask about preferred days, time windows after Liturgy, and whether memorial services are typically held on Sundays in that parish’s practice.
- Ask what information the priest needs (baptismal name, date of death, and sometimes the names of close relatives for prayers).
- Tell the funeral home you are working with an Orthodox parish so they can align visitation, transport, and any graveside prayers with the priest’s availability.
- Confirm cemetery requirements (burial permits, grave opening schedules, vault rules, and whether there are restrictions about flowers, candles, or memorial items).
One gentle planning truth: families often underestimate how much comfort comes from clarity. When the funeral home knows what the parish expects, and the parish knows what the cemetery requires, you are freed to grieve without constantly translating between institutions.
If you are in the earlier phase of planning, Funeral.com’s guide How to Plan a Funeral in 7 Steps: Honoring a Life with Care can help you map the sequence—first calls, service planning, paperwork, and timing—so Orthodox customs have space to be carried well.
Burial, Cremation, and the Reality Many Families Are Facing
Because this is a memorial-service guide, it may feel strange to talk about disposition choices here. But modern families often face them alongside liturgical planning, and the questions do not disappear just because they are uncomfortable. In the United States, cremation has become the majority choice: the National Funeral Directors Association reports the U.S. cremation rate is projected at 63.4% in 2025. And the Cremation Association of North America publishes annual statistics and forecasts based on government disposition data.
Orthodox tradition, however, has strong teachings about burial and the dignity of the body. Policies differ by jurisdiction and parish, but many Orthodox churches do not permit cremation as a normative choice. The Orthodox Church in America states that cremation is not permitted according to Byzantine canon law. If cremation is being considered, talk with the priest as early as possible so your family understands what services are available and how to plan respectfully.
If cremation is part of your family’s plan
Sometimes cremation happens because of circumstances: cost, distance, a death that occurs far from home, or a decision made before family could gather. If you are navigating this, you are not alone. Families often find themselves asking both theological and practical questions at the same time: what to do with ashes, whether keeping ashes at home is appropriate, and how memorialization can still feel reverent.
If cremation is already part of your plan, it helps to understand the options families commonly explore:
- Interment of the urn in a cemetery plot or columbarium niche.
- Home memorial with a permanent vessel and a clear plan for long-term care.
- Sharing a portion among close relatives using keepsake urns or small cremation urns.
- Personal keepsakes such as cremation jewelry or cremation necklaces that keep a tiny amount close.
For families who want to browse options quietly, Funeral.com’s collections can help you compare without pressure: Cremation Urns for Ashes, Small Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes. If your family is considering a wearable memorial, you can explore Cremation Jewelry and Cremation Necklaces.
And if you are trying to understand the practical side—sealing, placement, safety around children or pets—Funeral.com’s guide Keeping Ashes at Home: How to Do It Safely, Respectfully, and Legally walks through common concerns in a calm, grounded way.
What about water burial or scattering?
Families also ask about ceremonies at sea or on a lake—sometimes because a loved one felt most alive near water. The phrase water burial can mean different things: scattering ashes on the surface, or placing ashes in a dissolving urn so the release is gradual. If your family is considering this, plan in two directions at once: practical rules and religious guidance. If you want the logistics (including what “burial at sea” rules can look like in real planning), Funeral.com’s guide Understanding What Happens During a Water Burial Ceremony can help you picture the moment. For families who want an eco-focused vessel, the Biodegradable & Eco-Friendly Urns for Ashes collection and the article Biodegradable Ocean & Water Burial Urns: How They Work explain how water-soluble urns are designed and what to expect.
Because Orthodox pastoral practice around cremation and scattering can be strict in some jurisdictions, ask your priest before you finalize plans. The goal is not to shame anyone. It is to make sure your memorial choices match your family’s faith commitments as closely as circumstances allow.
Pet Loss, Private Memorials, and Keeping Love Close
Not every grief in a household comes with a church service attached. Many families also carry the loss of a pet alongside a human death, or they experience pet loss as its own life-altering event. While a Panikhida is an Orthodox service for the departed Orthodox faithful, the emotional needs that drive memorial rituals—love, remembrance, and a desire for something tangible—show up in pet grief too.
If your family is memorializing a companion animal, the language is different, but the tenderness is familiar. Some families find comfort in choosing a simple vessel, a small keepsake, or a figurine that reflects the pet’s personality. Funeral.com offers collections for pet urns and pet urns for ashes, including Pet Cremation Urns for Ashes, Pet Figurine Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Pet Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes. If you’re looking for a full guide, Pet Urns for Ashes: A Complete Guide for Dog and Cat Owners walks through sizing and style decisions in plain language.
Cost Questions Families Don’t Want to Ask—But Need Answered
Even in deeply faithful families, money matters. Funeral and memorial decisions come with real costs, and people often feel guilty for thinking about them while grieving. But cost is not a lack of love. It is part of stewardship and care for the living.
If you are trying to understand how much does cremation cost in your area—or you’re comparing direct cremation with a full-service funeral and then planning a memorial service afterward—Funeral.com’s guide How Much Does Cremation Cost in the U.S.? Average Prices, Common Fees, and Ways to Save (2025 Guide) explains the most common fees and why quotes vary so widely. For families choosing a memorial after cremation, Memorial Service: A Gentle, Practical Guide to Planning One That Feels Like Them can help you build a service that is meaningful without becoming financially overwhelming.
A Closing Thought for the Days After the Service
When a Panikhida ends, grief does not end. But something changes. You have done what love does when it no longer knows how to help: you have prayed. You have stood in a community that remembers. You have said a name aloud, and the Church has answered with mercy and hope.
In practical terms, you may still be making decisions about burial, headstones, paperwork, travel, or memorial items. If cremation is part of your family’s story, you may still be choosing among cremation urns, cremation urns for ashes, keepsake urns, or cremation jewelry—not because objects solve grief, but because humans need places to put love. In Orthodox life, that love is never asked to become silent. It is invited to become prayer, again and again, until memory itself feels like a form of light.
If you are coordinating a Panikhida and want a steadier planning path, start with what the Church already knows how to do: call the parish, ask what is customary, and let the calendar of remembrance carry you when you feel too tired to carry yourself.
