When the crematory calls and says your loved one is ready to be picked up, most families are surprised by how ordinary that moment can feel. You sign paperwork, you’re handed a container, you walk back to your car—and suddenly you’re holding something that feels both impossibly heavy and strangely practical. Questions arrive fast: what to do with ashes, how to choose cremation urns for ashes, whether keeping ashes at home is “allowed,” and what happens if your family doesn’t agree.
This guide is here to steady you through the basics—what human ashes are, how much there usually is, where families keep or scatter them, and how to make decisions with both legal care and emotional kindness.
Why cremation feels so common now
If it seems like more families are choosing cremation than even a decade ago, you’re not imagining it. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the U.S. cremation rate was 60.5% in 2023 and is projected to reach 81.4% by 2045, and NFDA’s 2024 release projects the rate will climb to 61.9% in 2024 (NFDA).
This shift matters because it changes what “normal” looks like after a death. More families are deciding how to memorialize without a burial plot, how to incorporate an urn into funeral planning, and how to handle ashes in a way that fits modern life—multiple households, travel, blended families, and different faith or cultural expectations.
What “ashes” really are and how much there is
Most people say “ashes,” but cremated remains are primarily processed bone fragments. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) explains cremation reduces remains to bone fragments, and those fragments are then processed (pulverized) into smaller pieces.
As for how much there is: it varies more than families expect. A forensic study summary published in the Journal of Forensic Sciences reports a sample with a cremains weight averaging 2737.1 grams (about 6 pounds), with higher average weights for men than women (study summary).
If you’re choosing an urn, volume matters more than weight. A practical starting point many families use is the “one cubic inch per pound” rule, and Funeral.com breaks that down gently in What Size Cremation Urn Do I Need? (Easy Guide to Matching Urn Capacity to Body Weight); you can also bookmark the Cremation Urn Size Chart for quick reference.
The first choices families make after receiving the remains
A helpful truth: you don’t have to decide everything immediately. What you do want is a plan that keeps the remains secure and buys you time to think.
Many families start by browsing a general collection of cremation urns and narrowing once they know the “destination” (home, cemetery, scattering, travel). Funeral.com’s main collection for cremation urns for ashes is here: Cremation Urns for Ashes.
Temporary urn vs. permanent urn
Crematories often provide a temporary container. Some families keep it for a while and later choose a permanent urn that feels more like a tribute—something that fits the home, matches a niche size, or aligns with a scattering plan. If you want a scenario-based guide (home, burial, scattering, travel), this Funeral.com Journal post is one of the clearest: How to Choose a Cremation Urn That Actually Fits Your Plans (Home, Burial, Scattering, Travel).
One urn, several keepsakes, or jewelry
Sometimes the most peaceful solution is not “one choice,” but a combination: a primary urn for the family home or cemetery, plus smaller pieces for people who need closeness in their own way.
If you’re considering small cremation urns or keepsake urns, these collections are designed for exactly that: Small Cremation Urns for Ashes and Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes; and if a wearable memorial feels right, you’ll usually be looking at cremation jewelry, including Cremation Jewelry and Cremation Necklaces.
For an emotionally grounded explanation of how families use jewelry alongside an urn (not as a replacement), read: Cremation Jewelry 101.
Where can you legally scatter or bury ashes?
Laws vary by state, county, and specific location—but there are a few widely relevant rules and best practices that keep families out of trouble.
Scattering on private property
In many places, scattering on private property is allowed with the owner’s permission. If the property is yours, it’s often the simplest option. If it’s a family cabin or a friend’s land, get clear permission (even better: in writing). This isn’t about being cold—it’s about preventing future misunderstandings if the property is sold.
Scattering in parks and public lands
Public spaces can be meaningful, but they’re also regulated. Many parks require a permit or written permission letter, and they may limit where you can scatter to protect waterways, trails, and sensitive habitats. For example, Yosemite National Park has a formal process for requesting a permission letter to scatter cremated remains, which is a good reminder to check the rules for the specific park you’re considering.
If you want a Funeral.com overview that helps you think through respectful locations and common restrictions, start here: Scattering Ashes: Laws, Locations, and Meaningful Ideas.
Scattering at sea and water burial
Families often use “scattering at sea” and water burial interchangeably, but the legal framework matters.
In the U.S., the EPA’s Burial at Sea guidance explains federal rules, including that placement of remains in ocean waters must occur at least three nautical miles from shore and that certain non-decomposable materials are not allowed; the EPA also notes burials at sea must be reported within 30 days.
If your plan is a ceremony on water (ocean, lake, river), and you want a step-by-step description of what typically happens, this guide is helpful: Understanding What Happens During a Water Burial Ceremony. And if you’re considering an eco option, you can learn how biodegradable urns work here: What Is a Biodegradable Urn, and How Does It Work?.
Burial in a cemetery or columbarium
If you’re burying an urn in a cemetery plot or placing it in a niche, call the cemetery first. They may have rules about urn material (some cemeteries require an urn vault for ground burial), niche dimensions, engraving rules, and whether keepsakes can be placed with the main urn.
This is where an urn that feels “right” emotionally also needs to be “right” practically. That’s why families often start with cremation urns for ashes broadly, then narrow once they know the cemetery requirements.
Keeping ashes at home, safely and respectfully
Keeping ashes at home can be deeply comforting, especially in early grief—like bringing someone back into the center of family life instead of “sending them away” before you’re ready.
Practically, the biggest home concerns are stability (a safe spot where it won’t be knocked over), privacy (children, pets, visitors), and a long-term plan (what happens if you move or someone inherits the urn). Funeral.com covers those exact questions here: Keeping Ashes at Home: How to Do It Safely, Respectfully, and Legally.
If you want a companion read that focuses on household etiquette and future planning, this is also worth saving: Ashes at Home: Safety, Etiquette, and Talking with Family About Long-Term Plans.
Dividing ashes among family members without regret
Some families worry that dividing ashes is “wrong” or disrespectful. Others feel immediate relief at the idea that no one has to lose closeness just because they live far apart.
If dividing ashes is on the table, it helps to decide together on a structure: one primary urn for the shared memorial, then smaller portions for individuals through keepsake urns, small cremation urns, or cremation jewelry. Funeral.com speaks directly to the “how do we do this kindly?” question here: When Family Disagrees About What to Do with Ashes.
Travel, flights, and scattering trips
If part of your plan involves travel—taking ashes to a hometown, a national park, or a coastline—read airline policies early. For U.S. airport security, the TSA guidance on cremated remains notes that officers will not open the container, and that some containers may not pass screening if they create an opaque X-ray image.
This is one reason some families choose a travel-friendly temporary container for the trip, then use a permanent urn at home afterward.
Funeral planning and costs: where urn choices fit in
Even when families don’t want to think about money, it’s part of funeral planning—and it’s often tied to the choice between direct cremation and services with a viewing or ceremony.
If you’re trying to orient yourself to how much does cremation cost, Funeral.com’s guide lays out common ranges and what drives price differences: How Much Does Cremation Cost? Average Prices and Budget-Friendly Options.
A gentle way to think about it is this: cremation can reduce some expenses, but it doesn’t remove the human need to memorialize. An urn, a gathering, a necklace, a keepsake—these are not “extras” for many families. They’re the place love goes after the logistics are done.
A note for pet families, too
Even though this article focuses on human remains, many families are holding both kinds of grief at once—human loss and pet loss, sometimes close together. If you’re also navigating pet memorial decisions, Funeral.com has focused collections for pet urns, including Pet Urns for Ashes, Pet Figurine Cremation Urns, and Pet Keepsake Urns for Ashes.
What to do with ashes when you’re not ready
If you take nothing else from this: you’re allowed to slow down. Some families keep the remains safely at home for months while they grieve, wait for the right season, or wait for distant relatives to be able to travel. Others plan a small moment now and a larger ceremony later.
If you’re torn between scattering and keeping an urn, this side-by-side reflection may help you feel your way forward: Scattering Ashes vs Keeping an Urn at Home.
