If you’re writing a eulogy, this beginner-friendly guide walks you through a clear structure (opening, stories, values, closing) and practical speaking tips for a calm, heartfelt delivery. You’ll also find checklist-style prompts, timing guidance, and options for printables and memorial items—like programs and keepsakes—to support the service.
A simple mindset shift that makes writing easier
If you’ve been asked to give a eulogy, you’re probably carrying two heavy things at once: grief, and responsibility. The grief is personal. The responsibility feels public. In the days before a service—when calls are being made, family is traveling, and decisions stack up—writing a funeral speech can feel like one more impossible task.
Here’s the truth that helps most people start: a eulogy is not a perfect summary of an entire life. It’s a loving snapshot. A few true stories, a few clear values, and a closing that helps everyone breathe together for a moment and remember, “Yes. That was them.”
If you’re also coordinating the flow of the service, it can help to keep the printed program in mind as you write. Funeral.com’s article What Is a Typical Funeral Program? explains what families commonly include and why programs often become keepsakes people hold onto long after the service.
When you’re stuck, choose one anchor idea and let it guide you. That anchor becomes your through-line, and your stories become proof.
The easiest eulogy structure to follow
If you’re looking for a eulogy outline that feels natural, use this four-part flow: opening, stories, values, closing. It mirrors how people actually remember someone—who they were, what happened with them, what it meant, and how to say goodbye.
Opening: name, relationship, gratitude, and a breath
Start by grounding the room. Say your name (if not everyone knows you), your relationship, and a simple thank-you. Keep it short and steady.
Example opening (simple and secular): “My name is ____. I’m __’s ____. Thank you for being here to honor them.”
Example opening (faith-friendly): “My name is ____. I’m __’s ____. Today we’re here to honor a life that mattered deeply.”
Stories: pick 2–3 moments that show who they were
Choose stories that are emotionally honest and specific. One that shows their character, one that shows how they loved, and one that gently brings a smile—if appropriate.
Even in complicated relationships, you can speak truthfully without sharing everything. Focus on what you can honor with integrity.
Values: name what their life stood for
Translate stories into meaning by naming the values their life reflected—kindness, loyalty, perseverance, humor, devotion. This helps the room understand why those memories matter.
Closing: a goodbye line and what you hope people carry forward
A closing doesn’t need to be poetic. It needs to be clear. Thank the community, acknowledge shared grief, and offer a simple farewell.
Example closing: “May we carry their love forward in the way we care for one another.”
For families who are planning the full service, Funeral.com’s article How To Plan A Meaningful Funeral Service explains how personal tributes like eulogies fit into the overall ceremony and flow of the day.
Checklist-style prompts that work even when you’re exhausted
When grief makes thinking difficult, prompts are kinder than blank pages. Write rough answers and circle what feels most true.
- “A small moment that captures them is…”
- “People felt ____ around them.”
- “They taught me ____ without trying.”
- “The thing I’ll miss most is ____.”
How long should a eulogy be?
Most services work best with a eulogy that lasts about 5–10 minutes. Funeral Guide’s eulogy guidance and MERI’s funeral speech resource both emphasize keeping remarks focused so they remain emotionally present rather than overwhelming.
Because speaking pace often slows with emotion, reading your draft aloud is the best way to judge timing. VirtualSpeech’s breakdown of average speaking rates explains how pauses and emotion naturally affect delivery.
Speaking tips for a calm, heartfelt delivery
Practice out loud, slower than you think
Reading your eulogy aloud at least twice helps you find a natural rhythm. Pauses are not mistakes—they give listeners space to feel and reflect.
Use breathing to steady your body
When nerves spike, breath control can help steady both your voice and your body. Harvard Health’s overview of breath control explains how slower breathing helps calm the body’s stress response.
Give yourself a safety net
Print your speech in large font and ask someone ahead of time to be a backup reader if needed. This is compassionate planning—not a lack of strength.
Funeral.com’s article What Is a Typical Funeral Program? also explains why programs often become lasting keepsakes, making them a natural place to include a favorite line from the eulogy.
Memorial items that support the service gently
Some families find comfort in tangible memorials. A simple engraved card or accessory can carry a name, date, or short phrase that mattered. The Funeral.com product page for the Brushed Stainless Steel Accessory with Prairie Sunset Design shows one example of a discreet keepsake families sometimes choose.
If cremation is part of the journey, Funeral.com’s Urn Accessories collection includes items that help families create a simple memorial space at home, without urgency or pressure.
For families who want personalization, Funeral.com’s page on Personalized Cremation Urn Engraving explains what engraving typically involves and which details are most commonly included.
When you need more help than a template can give
If the loss is too fresh or the relationship complex, it can help to ask others for stories, write your first draft as a letter, or include a short poem or reading. Some families also choose to work with a professional eulogy writer as a collaborative way to shape memories into a speakable form.
A gentle final reminder
If you say something true, specific, and loving—then you did it. Even if your hands shake. Even if you cry. A eulogy is not a test. It’s a gift.
