If you’re here because you’ve been asked to speak, you’re not alone in the feeling that comes next. You want to honor a whole life in a few minutes, while your own emotions are still catching up. Learning how to write a eulogy is not about finding the perfect words. It’s about finding your loved one inside the words you already have: the stories you remember, the small habits you can still picture, and the values that still feel present in the room when people say their name.
This guide will walk you through what a eulogy is, what it should (and shouldn’t) include, and a simple beginning–middle–end structure you can trust when you feel overwhelmed. You’ll also find a practical eulogy outline, two eulogy examples, and beginner-friendly eulogy speech tips for delivering it at a funeral or memorial service.
What a Eulogy Is (And What It Doesn’t Have to Be)
A eulogy is a spoken tribute that helps people feel the shape of someone’s life through memory and meaning. It’s different from an obituary, which is usually a factual announcement of death and service details. A eulogy can include a few milestones, but its real purpose is emotional clarity: reminding everyone who this person was to the people who loved them.
That’s why a eulogy doesn’t need to cover everything. It does not need to list every achievement, explain every relationship, or solve every complicated chapter. It’s allowed to be selective. It’s allowed to be human. If you’ve ever worried, “What if I forget something important?” it may help to reframe the goal. You’re not delivering a biography. You’re offering a portrait.
If you want additional guidance on shaping that portrait while you’re still managing the weight of grief, Funeral.com’s Journal has several supportive resources, including Writing a Eulogy: How to Capture a Life in Words and How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy.
Who Gives a Eulogy and Where It Fits in Today’s Services
If you’re wondering who gives a eulogy, the honest answer is: whoever is willing and appropriate. Sometimes it’s a spouse, adult child, sibling, grandchild, or close friend. Sometimes it’s a clergy member, celebrant, or funeral director reading remarks gathered from several relatives. Sometimes it’s more than one person, with two or three short tributes that together feel complete.
In many families, the service itself is also more flexible than it used to be. Cremation is now the majority choice in the United States, which often means the memorial gathering can happen on a different timeline than the death itself. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the U.S. cremation rate is projected at 63.4% in 2025, with long-term projections rising further. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) also reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% for 2024 and publishes ongoing trend projections.
What that means in real life is simple: your eulogy might be delivered at a traditional funeral with the body present, at a memorial service after cremation, or at a celebration of life weeks later when travel and family schedules allow. If you’re coordinating speakers and timing as part of funeral planning, Funeral.com’s step-by-step guides can help you map the flow, including How to Plan a Funeral in 7 Steps and How to Plan a Celebration of Life.
What to Say in a Eulogy (And What to Gently Leave Out)
Most people searching “what to say in a eulogy” are really trying to avoid two fears at once: sounding too formal, or getting too emotional to continue. The balance is usually found in a mix of truth and tenderness. A good eulogy usually includes a clear relationship statement (“I’m her daughter,” “I worked with him for 20 years”), a few specific stories, and a simple description of what the person stood for.
- A grounding opening that names your relationship and why this person mattered
- Two or three vivid memories that show personality, not just facts
- A few defining qualities (and a story that proves each one)
- A closing that offers gratitude, love, or a gentle goodbye
What a eulogy usually doesn’t need is a full timeline, a long list of accomplishments, or anything that pulls the room into conflict. If there are complicated relationships, you can honor truth without turning the eulogy into a reckoning.
- Private grievances, unresolved disputes, or anything that would embarrass someone who is grieving
- Inside jokes that exclude the room (one is fine if you quickly explain it)
- Too many names and dates that become hard to follow out loud
- Stories that feel funny to you but might feel cruel or confusing to others
If you’re unsure whether something belongs, a reliable eulogy writing checklist question is: “Does this help people understand who they were, and does it feel respectful in this room?” If the answer is yes, it usually belongs.
A Simple Eulogy Outline You Can Follow Even When You’re Overwhelmed
A strong eulogy template doesn’t make your words less personal. It simply gives your emotions a path to walk on. If you keep the structure steady, you can let the feeling be real without losing your place.
- Opening: Thank people for being there and name your relationship.
- A quick snapshot: One or two sentences that capture who they were at their core.
- Their story in three scenes: Choose three moments that reveal personality, love, or values.
- What they gave: How they showed up for others, what they built, what they taught.
- What they carried: A gentle nod to hardships, resilience, or the parts that shaped them.
- What continues: The legacy you still see in family, friends, community, or daily habits.
- Closing: A final thank-you, a wish, a blessing, or a simple goodbye.
Notice what this outline does. It moves from the room you’re in now, to the person you’re remembering, to the stories that make them real, and then back to the room with a sense of meaning. That arc is what makes a eulogy feel like a beginning–middle–end instead of a collection of thoughts.
If you want a structure that leans even more into voice and authenticity, the approach in How to Write a Eulogy That Sounds Like Your Loved One can help you write in a way that feels like them, not like a speech you borrowed from the internet.
How to Find Stories When Your Mind Feels Blank
Grief can make memory feel unreliable. People often say, “I know I loved them, but I can’t think of what to say.” When that happens, stop trying to remember their whole life and instead look for patterns. What did they do repeatedly? What made people laugh? What did they insist on? What did they always notice that others missed?
One practical method is to write down answers to three gentle prompts, then choose what feels most true. First: “When did I feel most cared for by them?” Second: “What’s a moment that captures their personality in a single scene?” Third: “What is something I hope people remember about them five years from now?” Even if you only get a few sentences for each, you will usually uncover your best material.
If you can, ask one or two other relatives for a quick memory each. You’re not collecting content as much as you’re collecting angles. Sometimes one person remembers the humor, another remembers the quiet kindness, and another remembers the stubborn strength. When you weave even a small piece of each into your eulogy, the person becomes more complete in the room.
Funeral Eulogy Length: Keeping It Comfortable for You and the Room
Questions about funeral eulogy length are rarely about the clock. They’re about stamina. You want enough time to say something meaningful, but not so much time that you run out of emotional breath.
As a general guideline, many services aim for a eulogy in the five-to-ten-minute range. Funeral.com notes that this often lands around 600–1,000 words depending on speaking pace in How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy. For a broader public-speaking benchmark, Teleprompter.com summarizes common pacing guidance and suggests that a five-minute speech often falls roughly in the 500–650 word range when speakers slow down intentionally for clarity.
If you’re aiming for a short eulogy sample length, give yourself permission to choose depth over breadth. Two strong stories and a clear closing can be more powerful than ten smaller moments delivered while you’re rushing and trying not to cry.
Two Eulogy Examples You Can Borrow From (And Make Your Own)
The point of eulogy examples is not to copy someone else’s relationship. It’s to see what a clear, warm structure looks like when it’s spoken out loud. Below are two simple examples you can adapt. Replace the details with your own voice and stories.
Example One: Adult Child Speaking for a Parent
Thank you for being here today. I’m Maria’s son, and I want to start by saying what so many of us feel: it’s hard to imagine the world without her in it. My mom had a way of making ordinary things feel cared for. If you came to her house, you didn’t just get a chair. You got a drink before you asked, a plate that somehow appeared, and the sense that you were safe to exhale.
If I had to describe her in one sentence, it would be this: she showed love through attention. She remembered what people liked, what they worried about, and what they were trying not to say. She wasn’t loud about her kindness, but it was constant. She wrote notes. She made extra food. She asked one more question when everyone else had moved on.
I keep thinking about a small moment that feels like her. A few years ago, after a difficult week, I stopped by her house without calling first. I was tired and short-tempered, and I didn’t really know what I needed. She didn’t ask for an explanation. She just opened the door, looked at my face, and said, “Okay, come in.” That was my mom. She made space first, and questions second.
Today, I want to thank her for the way she loved us. For the steadiness. For the humor when things got heavy. For the way she made family feel like a place you could come back to. We’ll miss her every day, but we will carry her forward in the way we care for each other, the way we show up, and the way we make room. Mom, thank you. I love you.
Example Two: Friend Speaking for a Friend
I’m James, and I had the privilege of being Alex’s friend for more than twenty years. If you knew him, you probably remember the same thing I do: he made people feel included. Not in a performative way. In a real way. He noticed who was standing alone. He invited people into the conversation. He remembered details, and he followed up.
Alex had a quiet confidence that made others braver. He wasn’t interested in being the center of attention, but he was always at the center of what mattered. Loyalty. Humor. Showing up. We will miss him, but I hope we also learn from him. The world needs more people who make room the way he did.
If you’d like a related resource for pet loss, Funeral.com also has a compassionate guide on writing a tribute for an animal companion: How to Write a Pet Eulogy.
Public Speaking Eulogy Tips for Delivering It Without Feeling “Good at Speaking”
If the phrase public speaking eulogy makes your stomach drop, you’re in good company. Most people who give eulogies are not speakers. They’re family. They’re friends. They’re grieving. The goal is not polish. The goal is presence.
Start by making the format kind to your nervous system. Print your eulogy in a larger font than you think you need. Double-space it. Add clear paragraph breaks. If you tend to lose your place, put a single word in bold at the start of each paragraph as an anchor for your eyes. If reading feels too rigid, bring your written draft and speak from it loosely, but don’t pressure yourself to memorize. In grief, memory is unreliable, and that is normal.
When you practice, practice out loud. Not because you need to perform, but because your mouth needs to meet the words before the room does. If you can, practice once in the clothes you’ll wear and once standing up, because it changes your breathing. If your voice shakes, pause. If you cry, pause. Those pauses are not failures. They are the room acknowledging love.
One small, practical tip that helps many people is to choose a “friendly face” in the audience. Not someone who will make you cry harder, but someone steady. When you feel yourself drifting, look back at that person as if you’re talking to them. It turns a speech into a conversation.
If Cremation Is Part of the Plan: How Eulogies Connect to Keepsakes, Urns, and “What to Do With Ashes”
Sometimes writing a eulogy is happening alongside a second set of questions that don’t feel like they belong together, but they do. Families are often writing memories while also deciding what to do with ashes, how to hold a memorial, and what kind of tribute will feel right long-term.
Because cremation is so common now, these choices show up for many families. The NFDA publishes national statistics on disposition trends and also notes median funeral cost figures that families use as a starting point when budgeting. If cost is part of your planning, it can help to begin with a clear overview of how much does cremation cost and what influences the range. Funeral.com’s guide How Much Does Cremation Cost? walks through common pricing in plain language.
If the person you’re honoring will be cremated, you may find that the eulogy and the memorial object naturally speak to each other. Some families place a full-size urn at the front of the service, sometimes alongside photos or letters. Others prefer a quieter approach, especially if they’re still deciding on a permanent plan. If you’re considering keeping ashes at home, Funeral.com’s guide Keeping Ashes at Home covers practical and respectful considerations.
When you’re ready to explore options, it can help to separate the categories by purpose. A main urn is often chosen for a shared family location. A smaller piece is often chosen for someone who needs closeness, privacy, or the ability to travel. Funeral.com’s collection of cremation urns for ashes includes many styles for a primary tribute, while small cremation urns can be a good fit when the plan involves sharing remains, placing an urn in a limited space, or creating a home memorial that feels discreet. If you want a truly symbolic portion for multiple family members, keepsake urns are designed specifically for that purpose.
For some families, wearable memorials become part of what feels survivable day to day. Cremation jewelry is meant to hold a tiny amount of ashes inside a sealed chamber, which is why it’s often described as emotional rather than practical. If you’re exploring that path, Cremation Jewelry 101 explains how it works, and Funeral.com’s cremation necklaces collection shows common styles and materials.
If your loved one’s plan includes the ocean or a meaningful lake, you may also be considering water burial. In that case, the tone of your closing words often shifts naturally toward release, gratitude, and continuity. Funeral.com’s guide Understanding What Happens During a Water Burial Ceremony can help you understand how these ceremonies typically work.
And if you are writing for a beloved pet, the same logic applies, just in a smaller scale. Families often choose a primary pet urn plus a keepsake. Funeral.com’s pet urns for ashes collection includes a wide range of sizes, while pet figurine cremation urns are often chosen when the memorial object itself feels like part of the story. For shared remembrance, pet keepsake cremation urns are designed for a small portion of remains.
If you want help tying these decisions together without feeling pressured, Funeral.com’s guide How to Choose a Cremation Urn That Fits Your Plans is a practical companion to the emotional work of writing and speaking.
Eulogy Writing Help When You’re Stuck (Including Professional Support)
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t emotion. It’s decision fatigue. You’re answering calls, making arrangements, coordinating travel, and trying to be steady for someone else. If you’re looking for eulogy writing help, you have options that still keep the words honest.
You can ask a relative to tell you one story while you write it down. You can record yourself speaking about your loved one for five minutes and then turn that recording into a draft. You can bring your notes to a clergy member or celebrant and ask them to help shape it into a clear arc. And yes, some families choose an eulogy writing service or professional writer, especially when the speaker is too overwhelmed or when the eulogy needs to represent many voices. If you go that route, the best results come from supplying real stories and phrases the person actually used, so the final piece still sounds like your family, not like a template.
A Final Thought Before You Stand Up to Speak
If you’re afraid you’ll cry, you probably will. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means the room is hearing something real. Most people do not remember every sentence of a eulogy. They remember how it felt to recognize the person you loved. They remember the story that made them smile through tears. They remember the moment you said, in your own voice, “This mattered.”
So write something you can carry. Use a simple eulogy outline, choose a few true stories, keep the funeral eulogy length gentle, and let the room hold you when you pause. That is what a meaningful eulogy is: not perfect words, but honest love, given a clear shape.
