How to Write a Funeral Plan: Documenting Your Final Wishes Step by Step

Most families don’t struggle because they don’t love each other enough. They struggle because grief is disorienting, time-sensitive decisions show up fast, and important details end up scattered across texts, half-remembered conversations, and a folder nobody can find. A written funeral plan solves that. Not because it removes sadness, but because it replaces guesswork with clarity.

If you’re searching how to write a funeral plan, you’re probably trying to do something deeply practical: document your preferences in a way that your family can actually use. This guide walks you through creating a clear funeral planning document (sometimes called a final wishes document or funeral instructions) that covers the decisions that tend to matter most: who to call, what kind of service you want, what you’d prefer for burial or cremation, and how to keep costs from surprising the people you love.

It also addresses a reality many families face now: cremation has become the most common form of disposition in the U.S. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025, and projections continue rising over time. The NFDA statistics page also summarizes how families are thinking about cremation—whether they want ashes kept at home, buried, or scattered—because those preferences shape what your plan should include. The Cremation Association of North America notes that cremation growth is continuing but slowing in some regions as rates mature, which is another way of saying: more families are living with decisions about urns, ashes, and memorialization for longer periods of time, and planning ahead helps.

Start with the purpose: make decisions easy to follow, not “beautifully written”

The best funeral instructions aren’t poetic. They’re usable. Think of your written plan as a calm set of directions for someone who is tired, sad, and trying to do the right thing.

That mindset makes the whole process simpler. Your goal isn’t to anticipate every possibility. Your goal is to create a document that answers the questions families most often ask in the first hours and days: What would they have wanted? Who do we call? Is there money set aside? Do we have preferences in writing? Are there specific people who should be included—or not included—in decisions?

A helpful way to begin is to write one clear sentence at the top of your document: “This is my funeral plan and final wishes. It is meant to guide my family and the funeral home.” That single sentence sets the tone and helps prevent arguments about whether the document is “real.”

Write down your “who to contact” details before you write your service preferences

When a death happens, families often spend the first day hunting for information, not making meaningful choices. So start your final wishes document with the details that reduce panic.

Include your legal name, date of birth, Social Security number (only if you’re comfortable, and only if you store the document securely), current address, and the name and number of the person you want contacted first. Then list your key people in order: spouse/partner, children, siblings, close friend, clergy/celebrant, and any professional contacts (attorney, executor, financial advisor). If you already have a cemetery plot, prepaid plan, or a preferred funeral home, put that information here too.

This is also a good place to add your “paperwork map”: where your will is stored, where life insurance information is, where deed and vehicle titles are, and how to access any digital accounts that matter. If you keep passwords in a password manager, note which one and who has access. You don’t have to list passwords in the plan—just make the access path clear.

Choose the type of service you want, and describe the feeling more than the schedule

Many people get stuck here because they imagine they need to plan an entire event. You don’t. What helps your family most is knowing what kind of experience you wanted.

In your funeral planning section, answer a few simple questions in plain language. Do you want a traditional funeral, a memorial service after cremation, or a smaller gathering? Would you prefer something faith-based, secular, or lightly spiritual? Is there a tone you’d want—quiet and simple, celebratory, formal, casual?

Then add the details that often matter emotionally: music you’d like (or music you definitely don’t want), readings or prayers, whether you’d want an open mic for stories, and whether you’d prefer a private family moment before anything public happens. If there are people you strongly want involved—someone to give a eulogy, someone to officiate—write their names down.

If you’re not sure, it’s okay to write preferences as “if-then” statements: “If there is a service, I’d like it to be outdoors if weather allows,” or “If there is a viewing, I’d prefer it to be brief and immediate family only.” Those are still extremely helpful directions.

Make your burial or cremation choice clear—and explain your reasons if you can

This is the part of end of life planning that can remove the biggest burden from your family, because it eliminates a decision that often feels heavy and symbolic.

If you prefer burial, note whether you want a specific cemetery, whether you already own a plot, and whether you have preferences about a casket, vault, or green burial options. If you prefer cremation, state it directly, and then add the details people forget they need: do you want a witness cremation (where allowed), do you want a brief ceremony before the cremation, and what should happen after the cremation?

This is where your plan can gently guide your family through the practical questions that show up later: what to do with ashes, whether you want an urn displayed at home, whether you’d like scattering, and whether you’d want a keepsake for each child or grandchild.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, among people who prefer cremation, preferences vary across burial/interment, keeping ashes at home in an urn, scattering, and splitting ashes among relatives. That variety is exactly why writing your own preference down matters: it prevents your family from having to “vote” on your behalf.

If you choose cremation, include an urn plan (this is where families get stuck later)

It’s common to choose cremation and assume the rest will be obvious. Then the ashes are returned in a temporary container, and suddenly everyone is asking what the long-term plan is. Your written funeral planning document can make this easy.

Start by deciding whether you want a primary urn that holds the full amount of cremated remains, or whether you want the remains divided between multiple items. If you want a primary urn, you can guide your family to browse cremation urns for ashes and choose something that fits your style and where it will live. If you know you’d prefer something smaller for a shelf, an apartment, or a shared home, point them toward small cremation urns, which can be a practical solution when you want something compact but still substantial.

If you want sharing options, name that clearly. Many families choose keepsake urns so each person who wants a physical connection can have one. You can direct your family to keepsake urns and write a simple instruction like, “Please set aside keepsakes for my children, and keep the main urn with my spouse,” or “Please create one keepsake for each grandchild who is old enough to care for it.”

And if the question isn’t just “urn or not,” but “how do we live with ashes in the house,” it’s worth including one sentence about comfort and safety. Many families find it reassuring to read guidance on keeping ashes at home, especially if there are pets, toddlers, or a busy household. Writing down your preference—“I’m comfortable with keeping ashes at home” or “I’d prefer the urn placed in a columbarium niche”—prevents second-guessing later.

If you want your family to have help choosing, you can include one practical resource link: how to choose a cremation urn. That gives them a calm, step-by-step decision path when emotions are high.

Decide whether cremation jewelry is part of your plan

Some people love the idea of cremation jewelry. Others don’t. Either answer is valid—and either answer is helpful to leave in writing.

If you’d like the option, name it. Cremation necklaces and other memorial pieces can hold a very small portion of ashes, which makes them a meaningful “close to the heart” choice for a spouse, child, or sibling. If you want your family to explore that, point them toward cremation jewelry or a more specific category like cremation necklaces. You can also leave a gentle instruction such as, “If anyone wants a necklace or keepsake, please make sure the urn plan still feels respectful and organized.”

If you want to reduce stress further, include one educational link so nobody has to guess how it works: Cremation Jewelry 101. When families understand how much ash is used and how pieces are sealed, the decision becomes calmer and less intimidating.

If water burial or burial at sea matters to you, write down the “how,” not just the “yes”

Many people feel a strong connection to the ocean, a lake, or a river. If water burial is part of your wishes, writing it down can be a gift. But it’s even more helpful to include one or two practical notes so your family doesn’t accidentally plan something that becomes complicated.

In the U.S., rules can apply to burial at sea in ocean waters. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency explains burial-at-sea reporting requirements and other guidance under the Marine Protection, Research, and Sanctuaries Act. If your plan involves a sea ceremony, include a sentence like: “Please follow EPA guidance for burial at sea, including reporting requirements.” That one note can save your family from anxious late-night searching.

You can also guide them to a plain-language overview that connects the emotional moment to the practical steps: water burial and burial at sea. If you want a biodegradable urn involved, say so directly, and consider adding a link such as biodegradable water burial urns so your family understands how these ceremonies typically work.

Include pet preferences too (because families are grieving more than one loss sometimes)

People don’t always realize how much comfort it brings to have pet-related wishes written down. If you have a beloved animal and you want your family to have a plan—either for end-of-life care, memorialization, or eventual arrangements—include a short section in your final wishes document.

If you’d want your pet cremated and memorialized, name that. If you’d like your pet’s ashes to be kept or shared, say so. You can also leave guidance for the people you love by pointing them toward options like pet cremation urns, including styles that feel like home decor or memory objects. If you know your family would appreciate something sculptural, pet figurine cremation urns for ashes can be a heartfelt direction. And if your wish would be for multiple people to keep a small portion, you can point them to pet keepsake cremation urns.

Even if your written plan is primarily about your own wishes, including a paragraph about pet urns, pet urns for ashes, and pet cremation urns can reduce stress during a time when emotions are already stretched thin.

Write down your budget notes and cost boundaries (this protects your family)

Families often avoid talking about money because it feels uncomfortable. But money is one of the most common sources of stress after a death, and one of the easiest burdens to reduce through planning.

In your plan, include two things: what you can afford, and what you want your family to avoid. You can write something as simple as, “I want my arrangements to be simple. Please do not take on debt to pay for my service.” Or, “I have funds set aside for this. Please use those first.”

If cremation is part of your plan and you’re wondering how much does cremation cost, it helps to include a general benchmark so your family knows what questions to ask and what items change the total. The NFDA reports national median costs for a funeral with burial and for a funeral with cremation (with viewing and services), which can help families understand the difference between “direct cremation” and cremation with a full service. For a practical breakdown of what costs are usually included (and what add-ons commonly surprise people), you can point your family to Funeral.com’s guide: cremation cost breakdown.

One detail that helps enormously: if you have life insurance, prepaid plans, or a designated savings account, list where it is and who can access it. If you’ve made arrangements already, include the contract details and the provider’s name. That turns your budget section from “hopes” into “instructions.”

Make a simple “ashes plan” so nobody feels pressured to decide immediately

Even with planning, some families still feel a rush to “finish” the ashes decision. But you can write your plan in a way that gives them permission to go slowly, while still keeping things respectful.

If you’re comfortable with a two-step approach, you can write: “It’s okay to choose a temporary plan first, then decide later.” A temporary plan might mean the ashes are kept sealed and safe until the family is ready to choose a permanent urn, a water burial ceremony, or another memorialization option.

If you want to give your family ideas without overwhelming them, link one resource that answers the question they will type into Google at 2 a.m.: what to do with ashes. You can also include a single preference like, “If you scatter my ashes, please do it privately and keep it simple,” or “If you keep my ashes at home, please choose a secure urn and a calm placement.” Those sentences become emotional guardrails.

Store your funeral plan so it can be found quickly (and tell the right people)

A funeral plan that can’t be found creates a new kind of stress. So once you finish your funeral planning document, make it easy to access.

Print a copy and store it somewhere predictable: a labeled folder in a home office, a fire-safe box, or a drawer your family already uses for important papers. If you keep a digital copy, store it in a shared family folder or a secure password manager with emergency access. Then do the most important step: tell two people exactly where it is.

It also helps to share the “headline choices” in advance. You don’t have to discuss every detail, but telling your family, “I’ve written my wishes down, and this is where it is,” can relieve future anxiety. If you have strong preferences, consider giving your primary decision-maker a copy now. That prevents a scramble later.

Close the plan with a short note to your family

This isn’t required, but it’s often the part families remember. A short note can soften the document and make it feel like what it really is: love in written form.

You can write something simple: “Please take care of each other. Please keep things simple. Please don’t argue about details—choose what feels peaceful.” You might add a sentence about what you’d like people to do in your memory, or how you’d want your family to feel at the end of the day: steadier, supported, and together.

And then, before you set the plan aside, add one practical line: “Last updated on ____.” Revisit it once a year or after major life changes, and update it if needed. A funeral plan is not a one-time performance. It’s a living document that protects your family as life changes.

FAQs about writing a funeral plan