Most people want to do the right thing after a death, and still feel unsure. You may worry about intruding. You may worry about saying the wrong thing. You may worry that anything you write will sound inadequate. If you’re searching how to send condolences, the most helpful reassurance is this: a short, sincere message is usually better than silence, and it does not need to be perfect to be meaningful.
The goal of condolences is simple: acknowledge the loss and offer steady support without trying to “fix” grief. This guide covers offering condolences etiquette, what to write in cards, texts, and emails, and workplace-appropriate wording for coworkers and managers. You can copy and adapt any of the examples below.
Condolence Etiquette: The Few Rules That Cover Most Situations
Good condolence etiquette is less about formality and more about reducing burden on the grieving person. Grief drains energy and decision-making. The most supportive messages are the ones that don’t create new tasks.
- Acknowledge the loss clearly. Avoid vague “I heard…” phrasing if you can name what happened.
- Keep it short unless you are very close. One to three sentences is often enough.
- Avoid advice. Condolences are not a time to explain grief, timelines, or meanings.
- Don’t demand a response. Add “no need to reply” when appropriate.
- Offer specific help. Specific offers are easier to accept than “let me know if you need anything.”
If you’re sending condolences late, it’s still okay. A late message often lands well because support tends to drop off after the service. You can say, “I’ve been thinking about you,” and simply show up.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card
If you’re wondering what to write in a sympathy card, the safest structure is: sympathy + a simple support line + a gentle closing. If you knew the person who died, adding one specific memory can be comforting. If you didn’t, keep the focus on the grieving person.
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.”
- “Please accept my condolences. I’m here for you in the days ahead.”
- “I was very sorry to hear about [Name]. I’m keeping you close in my thoughts.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know I care.”
- “Wishing you comfort and peace as you navigate this loss.”
If you want to add a practical line, keep it gentle: “If it would help, I can bring dinner this week,” or “I can take care of [specific task] if you’d like.”
Condolence Text Message Examples
Texts should be short and low-pressure. These condolence text message examples work well for most relationships.
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.”
- “I just heard. I’m here for you. No need to reply.”
- “Sending love and support. I’m so sorry.”
- “I’m thinking about you today. I’m here whenever you need.”
- “I’m so sorry. If you want company or help, I’m here.”
Sympathy Email Wording
Email is often appropriate when you work with someone, live far away, or want to communicate support without putting them “on the spot.” Good sympathy email wording is brief and removes pressure to respond.
Simple Email (Any Relationship)
Subject: “My condolences”
“Hi [Name], I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you and your family. Please don’t feel any pressure to respond—just wanted you to know you’re not alone.”
Email When You Knew the Person
Subject: “Thinking of you”
“Hi [Name], I was very sorry to hear about [Name]. I keep thinking about [brief, true detail—‘their warmth’ / ‘their laugh’ / ‘how they showed up for people’]. I’m holding you in my thoughts and I’m here if you need anything.”
Funeral Etiquette Condolences: What to Say at the Service
People often worry about what to say in person. The truth is that one simple sentence is enough. A quiet handshake, a hug (if welcome), and a short statement of sympathy is usually exactly right. This is the essence of funeral etiquette condolences: don’t overtalk the moment.
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’m glad I could be here. I’m thinking of you.”
- “They mattered. I’m so sorry.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here.”
If you’re close enough to offer help, you can add one sentence: “I can bring food next week,” or “I’ll check in later,” without turning it into a conversation the person has to manage.
What to Avoid Saying
Most “wrong” phrases are wrong because they minimize grief or pressure the person to feel better. If you’re unsure, avoid anything that starts with “at least,” and avoid statements that explain the death instead of acknowledging it.
- “They’re in a better place.” (unless you know the person shares that belief)
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
- “You have to be strong.”
When in doubt, return to: “I’m so sorry,” “I’m thinking of you,” and one specific offer.
Condolences to Coworkers: Workplace-Appropriate Messages
Workplace condolences should be warm but professional, especially if you didn’t know the family personally. A condolences to coworker note is often most helpful when it explicitly reduces pressure: no need to respond, take the time you need, we’ve got things covered.
- “I’m very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.”
- “Please accept my condolences. Take all the time you need.”
- “So sorry to hear this. No need to reply—just sending support.”
- “I’m thinking of you. We’ll cover things here while you’re out.”
Condolence Email to a Coworker
Subject: “My condolences”
“Hi [Name], I was very sorry to hear about your loss. Please know I’m thinking of you. Don’t worry about anything on my end—we’ll keep things moving here, and we can reconnect whenever you’re ready.”
Manager-to-Employee Message
Subject: “Thinking of you”
“Hi [Name], I’m very sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need and focus on your family. We’ll handle coverage while you’re out and adjust deadlines as needed. When you’re ready, we can talk about priorities—no rush.”
How to Send Condolences With Practical Support
If you want to support beyond words, the most effective help is specific. The grieving person shouldn’t have to coordinate. If your relationship allows, offer one concrete option:
- “I can drop off dinner on Tuesday—would that help?”
- “I can pick up groceries this week if you send a list.”
- “I can take care of [specific errand] for you.”
- “I can check in next week if that’s okay.”
If you’re sending something (flowers, donation, meal delivery), include a card that’s short and sincere. A practical gift does not replace words; it reinforces them.
A Simple Bottom Line
If you want the shortest reliable script for how to send condolences, it’s this: “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you. I’m here if you need anything.” Adjust the tone to match the relationship, keep it short, and remove pressure to respond. That is what most grieving people need—steady acknowledgment, not perfect wording.
