A secular celebration of life is one of the most compassionate “middle paths” a family can choose: it offers structure when your mind feels scattered, but it doesn’t require religious language if that isn’t how your loved one lived—or how you speak to grief. It can be warm, heartfelt, and even light at times, while still making room for real sadness. And if you’re reading this with a knot in your stomach, wondering how you’re supposed to plan something meaningful while you’re exhausted and raw, here’s a gentle truth: you do not have to reinvent a ceremony from scratch. You’re simply building a clear, human program that helps people gather, remember, and say goodbye in a way that fits.
As more families choose cremation, many are also choosing services that feel less formal and more personal. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected at 63.4% in 2025 (with burial projected at 31.6%), and cremation is expected to keep rising over time. According to the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), the U.S. cremation rate was 61.8% in 2024. Those numbers matter here because cremation often gives families flexibility: you can hold a ceremony days or weeks later, you can plan in stages, and you can build something that feels like your person—whether that’s a living-room gathering, a backyard moment at sunset, or a larger event with music and stories.
This guide will walk you through a practical, non-religious approach to funeral planning for a celebration of life. Along the way, we’ll also gently connect the dots that families often face at the same time—like choosing cremation urns for ashes, deciding whether you want keeping ashes at home to be part of your plan, exploring cremation jewelry and cremation necklaces, and even what water burial can look like when a loved one felt most at peace near the ocean or a lake.
What “secular” really means in a memorial setting
In practice, a secular memorial isn’t “cold” or “less meaningful.” It simply means the ceremony doesn’t rely on religious doctrine, prayers, or scripture as the backbone. Instead, it leans on the things most people recognize as universal: love, relationship, memory, gratitude, humor, regret, admiration, and the ache of missing someone. A secular service can still include moments of silence, reflection, and even spiritual language if it’s authentic to your loved one—because the goal isn’t to police words. The goal is to speak in a way that feels honest.
That honesty can be a relief for guests, too. People often worry about what to say at a non-religious service—because religion can provide familiar scripts. But the truth is, secular ceremonies have their own gentle scripts: tell the story of a life, name what mattered, invite people to remember, and give everyone a clear ending that feels like a closing of the circle.
Start with the shape of the day: a simple, steady program
When families picture a celebration of life, they sometimes think it has to be either extremely formal or extremely free-form. It doesn’t. The most comforting programs are usually simple and predictable, even when the stories are unique. If you’re building a celebration of life program, think of it as a container that holds emotion safely.
Here’s a straightforward structure that works beautifully for a secular service, whether it’s 30 minutes or 90:
- Welcome and context (what this gathering is, what will happen)
- A brief reflection or moment of silence
- Music (live or recorded)
- Stories and readings (a few voices, not too many)
- A ritual or tribute (optional, but often grounding)
- Closing words and what happens next (reception, meal, sharing space)
If you’re craving a starting point for tone, a secular welcome can be as simple as: “Thank you for being here. We’re gathered to honor and remember [Name]. This is a space for stories, for laughter if it comes, and for tears if they come. We’ll hear a few voices, share some music that mattered, and close with a moment of reflection.” You’ll notice what’s happening there: it gives permission, sets expectations, and gently leads.
A helpful rule of thumb is to keep the “mic time” lighter than you think you should. People can love someone deeply and still struggle to speak for ten minutes. Three to five minutes per speaker is often the sweet spot—long enough to feel real, short enough to feel safe.
Choosing an officiant (or facilitator) for a secular memorial
One quiet stressor families carry is the feeling that someone has to “run the room,” and they don’t know who. In a religious funeral, that role is often clear. In a secular service, you get to choose what fits. Sometimes it’s a confident friend. Sometimes it’s a funeral director. Sometimes it’s a professional celebrant. What matters is that the person can hold the emotional tone without making the day about themselves.
If you’re considering a humanist or secular officiant, it may help to know you’re not alone in that choice. The American Humanist Association describes humanist celebrants as people who conduct nonreligious ceremonies, including memorials. A good celebrant doesn’t just read a script—they interview the family, listen for what matters, and translate a life into a story that feels true.
When you’re choosing an officiant for a secular memorial service, ask questions that get you past generic promises and into real fit: Do they welcome multiple speakers? Can they weave humor in without being flippant? Do they help shy family members feel comfortable? Are they experienced with blended families, complicated relationships, or estrangement? A truly good facilitator makes room for the messy parts without turning the service into a therapy session.
Readings, music, and words that feel natural (not “borrowed”)
Families sometimes worry that without prayer or scripture, they won’t have enough “content.” In reality, secular services often feel richer because the words come from lived life. That can mean literature, poetry, song lyrics, letters, even a favorite movie quote. It can mean a short piece of prose about love and loss. It can mean a simple statement of values: “He believed in showing up. He believed in second chances. He believed in feeding people.”
Music does heavy emotional lifting, so choose it intentionally. You don’t need a dozen songs. Two or three moments of music can create natural transitions: one as people settle in, one after stories, and one as a closing. If your loved one had “their song,” let it be part of the day. If they didn’t, choose music that matches their energy—quiet, bold, playful, nostalgic. A celebration of life can absolutely include laughter, as long as it’s laughter with love.
If you want a gentle way to incorporate a “reading” without sounding formal, consider a letter. A family member can read a short note that begins with something like: “If you knew her, you know she loved…” or “What I want to remember out loud today is…” It instantly feels personal because it is.
Non-religious rituals that still feel sacred
Ritual isn’t the same thing as religion. Ritual is simply an action that helps people cross a threshold. It tells the nervous system, “Something is changing.” That’s why even very secular families often appreciate one small, tangible gesture—something people can do with their hands, not just their thoughts.
Here are a few secular celebration of life ideas that tend to feel meaningful without feeling performative:
- A candle-lighting or LED candle moment (especially helpful for kids)
- One word from each guest (spoken or written on a card)
- A memory table with photos and objects that tell their story
- A playlist handout, with a note about why each song mattered
- A “thank you” moment where the family acknowledges caregivers, friends, or communities
If cremation is part of your plan, some families choose to incorporate the urn into the ceremony, and some don’t. Both are normal. If having the urn present feels grounding, you might create a small display with a photo and a few personal items. If it feels too intense, you can keep it private and still have a meaningful service. There is no moral “right way” to do this—only what feels steady enough for your family.
How cremation choices can fit gently into the service
Even when your main focus is planning the ceremony, a practical reality often sits beside it: the cremated remains are coming home, and you may be wondering what to do with ashes. If you’re in that place, it can help to think of your plan in layers: what you need for the service, what you need for the next few weeks, and what you want long-term.
If you’re choosing a “home base” urn, start with options that feel like a true memorial object—not a temporary container. Funeral.com’s collection of cremation urns for ashes includes a wide range of styles, from classic to modern, so you can choose something that fits your loved one (and your home). If you’re planning to share among siblings or keep a portion for travel or a second location, small cremation urns for ashes can be a practical bridge between “too tiny” and “full size.” And if you’re looking for truly small portions for multiple family members, keepsake urns can be a gentle way to share without turning the process into something clinical.
For families honoring a beloved animal companion—because grief doesn’t draw a line between “human family” and “pet family”—there are equally thoughtful options. Pet urns for ashes come in many materials and sizes, and if you want something that looks like art (a figurine that captures personality), pet figurine cremation urns for ashes can feel especially tender. If multiple people want to keep a small portion, pet keepsake cremation urns can support that kind of shared remembrance in a respectful way.
Some families also want a portable keepsake that isn’t on a shelf. That’s where cremation jewelry comes in, especially cremation necklaces. If you’re considering that option, you can browse cremation jewelry broadly, or focus specifically on cremation necklaces if a pendant feels most natural. And if you want the “how it works” explanation before you buy, Funeral.com’s guide to cremation jewelry 101 and its practical article on how cremation jewelry works can help you choose something that feels secure for everyday life.
If your loved one belonged to the water—if the ocean, a lake, or a boat was their happy place—you may be considering water burial or scattering at sea. It helps to know that families use these words in different ways, and that rules can apply depending on location. Funeral.com’s article on water burial and burial at sea explains what “3 nautical miles” means and how families plan the moment. If a biodegradable vessel is part of your vision, you may also appreciate guidance on biodegradable water urns so the ceremony feels intentional and environmentally respectful.
And if you’re simply trying to reduce overwhelm, one of the kindest things you can do is give yourself permission to make a “for now” plan. Many families keep the remains at home for a time while decisions settle. If you’re navigating that stage, Funeral.com’s guide to keeping ashes at home can help you think through placement, household harmony, and safety without fear-based advice.
Cost, timing, and the practical side of planning
When you’re planning a celebration of life, money questions often sneak in at the edges: venue costs, food, travel, cremation costs, printed materials, and whether you need professional help. If you’re sorting through the budget side of funeral planning, it helps to separate “disposition costs” (the cremation itself and required services) from “ceremony costs” (the gathering you’re creating).
For many families, cremation makes room in the budget for a more personal event—like a restaurant room, a community space, or a meaningful location. But costs can vary widely by city and provider. Funeral.com’s guide on how much does cremation cost walks through what families are typically paying for, and how to compare quotes in a way that’s actually fair. If you decide to hold the celebration later, that flexibility can also help with travel and emotional readiness—especially for relatives flying in or for families who need breathing room before a public gathering.
If you’re preparing printed programs, keep them simple: name, dates, a photo, the order of service, and maybe a short favorite quote. If you’re creating a slideshow, remember that shorter is usually better. Ten minutes of photos is often plenty. People want to feel moved, not trapped in a long presentation while they’re emotionally tired.
When you need help choosing “the right words”
Many families search for a memorial service script secular because they’re afraid of getting it wrong. If that’s you, let yourself off the hook a bit: you’re not performing a perfect ceremony; you’re creating a caring one. Your job is to be clear and kind. That’s it.
One reliable approach is to anchor the service in three simple truths: who they were, what they loved, and what they leave behind in other people. If you can name those three things out loud, you’ve already built something meaningful.
If you’re also trying to map out next steps after the service—ashes, urns, keepsakes—Funeral.com’s practical guide on what to do with cremation ashes can help you explore options without pressure. It’s okay if your plan unfolds over months instead of days.
FAQs about planning a secular celebration of life
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What is the difference between a secular memorial service and a celebration of life?
A secular memorial service simply means the ceremony does not rely on religious language or doctrine. A celebration of life is a style of memorial that often emphasizes storytelling, personal music, and meaningful tributes—sometimes with a lighter tone. Many services are both: a secular celebration of life that is structured, heartfelt, and non-religious.
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Who can officiate a non-religious funeral or celebration of life?
A trusted friend or family member can officiate if they’re comfortable guiding a room. Many families also choose a professional celebrant, including a humanist celebrant. Organizations like the American Humanist Association describe humanist celebrants as people who conduct nonreligious memorials and other life ceremonies.
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Can we include the urn at the celebration of life?
Yes, and it’s also normal not to. Some families find it grounding to include the urn with a photo and a few personal items. Others prefer to keep the urn private and focus the ceremony on stories and music. If you do include it, choosing a memorial piece that feels fitting—such as a full-size urn or a keepsake urn—can help the display feel intentional.
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What should we say instead of prayers in a secular service?
Many families use a brief welcome, a moment of silence, a reading that fits the person, and words that name love and loss plainly. Phrases like “we’re here to remember,” “we hold gratitude,” or “we’ll take a quiet moment together” often feel natural. The most meaningful “script” is usually simple and specific to the person.
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How do we plan what to do with the ashes after the celebration?
It can help to plan in stages: a respectful “for now” option (often keeping ashes at home safely), then a longer-term plan (urn, keepsakes, scattering, or water burial). If you’re weighing options, you can explore cremation urns for ashes, small urns, keepsake urns, cremation jewelry, and guidance on water burial to find what fits your family’s values and timeline.
