Most people want to say the right thing after a death—and then freeze. You don’t want to intrude, you don’t want to make it worse, and you may worry your words will sound thin next to the loss. If you’re searching how to offer condolences, the most helpful reassurance is this: you don’t need perfect words. You need sincerity, steadiness, and a message that doesn’t ask the grieving person to manage you.
This guide shares 10 practical condolence tips, short sample messages for texts and cards (including workplace wording), safe offers of help that actually land, and a few phrases to avoid when someone is grieving.
10 Practical Tips for Offering Condolences
1) Acknowledge the loss plainly
Clear is kinder than vague. “I’m so sorry for your loss” works because it names reality without drama.
2) Keep it short unless you are very close
Grief makes long messages hard to respond to. One to three sentences is enough for most relationships.
3) Say the person’s name if it’s appropriate
Naming the person who died can feel comforting because it shows you’re not afraid to acknowledge them.
4) Don’t try to fix grief
Condolences are not advice. You’re not trying to solve the pain—just show support.
5) Remove pressure to respond
A simple “no need to reply” can be a relief when someone is overwhelmed.
6) Offer one specific thing you can do
“Let me know if you need anything” is kind but vague. Specific offers are easier to accept.
7) Match your tone to the relationship
Close friends can be more personal. Coworkers and acquaintances usually need simple and professional.
8) Avoid asking for details
Early grief is not a time for “what happened?” questions. Let them share if they want to.
9) Follow up after the funeral
Support often drops off quickly. A check-in a week or two later can mean more than the first message.
10) Be consistent, not dramatic
A steady presence is more helpful than a big statement. Grief lasts longer than the first week.
Condolence Messages Examples (Copy-and-Paste)
Short condolence text messages
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.”
- “I just heard. I’m here for you. No need to reply.”
- “Sending love and support. I’m so sorry.”
- “I’m holding you in my thoughts today.”
- “I’m so sorry. I’m here—now and later.”
Sympathy card messages
- “Please accept my heartfelt condolences. Thinking of you and your family.”
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. May loving memories bring you comfort.”
- “Holding you in my thoughts during this difficult time.”
- “With sympathy and care. I’m here if you need anything.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know I care.”
Messages when you knew the person who died
- “I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’ll always remember [brief true trait or memory]. Thinking of you.”
- “I was very sorry to hear about [Name]. They mattered, and I’m holding you in my thoughts.”
- “I’m grateful I got to know [Name]. Sending you comfort and strength.”
Sympathy message to coworker (workplace-appropriate)
- “I’m very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.”
- “Please accept my condolences. Take all the time you need—no need to reply.”
- “So sorry to hear this. We’re thinking of you, and we’ve got things covered here.”
Manager-to-employee condolence message
- “I’m very sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need and focus on your family. We’ll handle coverage and adjust timelines as needed.”
- “I’m so sorry. Don’t worry about work right now. When you’re ready, we can talk about what you need from us—no rush.”
Safe Offers of Help (That Don’t Create Work for Them)
If you want to help beyond words, make the offer specific and easy to accept. Choose one option you can genuinely follow through on.
- “I can drop off dinner on Tuesday. Would that help?”
- “I can pick up groceries this week if you text me a list.”
- “I can handle [specific task/errand] so you don’t have to think about it.”
- “I can come by for 20 minutes and sit with you—no talking required.”
- “I can check in next week. No need to respond unless you want to.”
Phrases to Avoid (Even When You Mean Well)
These lines are common, but they often land as minimizing, pressuring, or overly certain—especially early on.
- “They’re in a better place.” (unless you know the person shares that belief)
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least…”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
- “Be strong.”
- “Time heals all wounds.”
If you catch yourself about to say one of these, replace it with something simple: “I’m so sorry,” “I’m thinking of you,” and one specific offer.
A Simple Bottom Line
If you want the shortest, most reliable script for what to say when someone dies, it’s this: “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you. I’m here.” Keep it brief, remove pressure to respond, and follow up later. Condolences are less about the perfect sentence and more about showing up with steadiness when someone’s life has been changed.
