If you are reading this, you may be carrying two heavy things at once: your own grief, and the responsibility of telling a child something you wish they never had to know. There is no perfect way to explain suicide to children, because the “right” words depend on the child, the relationship, and what happened. But there are steady principles that protect kids: honesty without graphic details, simple language without secrecy, and repeated conversations that grow as the child grows.
Children do not need an adult-level explanation. They need an anchored, age-matched truth they can stand on. They also need to hear—clearly and more than once—that what happened is not their fault, that they are safe, and that the adults around them will help them through what comes next.
This guide offers practical, age appropriate suicide explanation scripts, how to answer “why,” what to avoid, and how to include children in gentle, meaningful funeral planning choices—especially in families choosing cremation, where questions about cremation urns, cremation jewelry, and keeping ashes at home often arise after the initial shock settles.
Start With The Core Truth Kids Can Hold
For many children, the most helpful framing is this: the person died because their brain was very sick, and they died by suicide. That language avoids blame, avoids moralizing, and avoids scary imagery. It also leaves room for the reality that suicide is complicated, and that many factors can be true at once—pain, illness, fear, and impaired judgment.
A simple “truth sentence” you can return to is:
- “They died by suicide. That means they caused their own death because their brain was very sick, and they weren’t thinking clearly. We loved them, and we will keep loving them, and we will take care of you.”
That one sentence can be repeated, adjusted, and expanded over time. If you do nothing else, give a child that stable truth instead of leaving them to build their own story from overheard conversations, social media, or their imagination.
Age-Appropriate Scripts By Development Stage
Below are sample scripts you can use as-is, or personalize. You do not need to say everything at once. In fact, saying less—and then making room for questions—often helps children feel safer.
Preschool (About Ages 3–5): Simple, Concrete, Reassuring
At this age, children think concretely. They may not understand permanence at first, and they often repeat questions as they try to make the world feel predictable again.
- “I have very sad news. What to say to child after suicide can be hard, but I want to be honest with you. [Name] died. Their body stopped working, and they cannot come back.”
- “[Name] died by suicide. That means they made their body stop working because their brain was very sick.”
- “You did not cause this. Nothing you did or said made this happen.”
- “You are safe. The grown-ups are here, and we will keep taking care of you.”
If a preschooler asks “How?” you can keep it minimal: “Their body was hurt.” If they ask “Why?” you can say: “Because their brain was very sick, and they weren’t able to get the help they needed.”
Early Elementary (About Ages 6–8): Name It, Explain Illness, Reduce Fear
Many children in this stage worry that death is contagious or that a thought can cause an event. They also tend to interpret information as if it is about them.
- “I need to tell you the truth about how [Name] died. They died by suicide.”
- “Suicide means a person dies because they cause their own death. It usually happens when someone has a serious illness in their brain, like depression, and they can’t think clearly.”
- “This is not your fault. You could not have stopped it.”
- “If you ever feel very scared, very sad, or like you want to disappear, you can tell me right away. Our family asks for help when feelings get too big.”
If they ask if you or they could die the same way, reassure without making promises you cannot keep: “Most people who have big feelings do not die by suicide. And when someone has scary thoughts, there are helpers—doctors, counselors, and adults—who can keep them safe. In this family, we talk about feelings and we get help.”
Upper Elementary (About Ages 9–12): Answer “Why” Without Blame
Older children often want a coherent story. They may feel anger, embarrassment, or loyalty conflicts. They may also want to protect the family’s privacy.
- “You deserve the truth. [Name] died by suicide. That means they ended their own life.”
- “This usually happens when someone has intense emotional pain and an illness that affects judgment. Their brain told them things that weren’t true—like that people would be better off without them.”
- “It is okay to feel sad, mad, confused, or even numb. Those reactions can all happen in child grief suicide loss.”
- “We can talk about what we share with others. We don’t have to keep secrets, but we can choose privacy.”
When they ask “Why didn’t they get help?” or “Why didn’t you stop it?” it can help to say: “Many people do try to get help, and sometimes illness still wins. And adults can’t control another adult’s choices. We can wish it were different and still know it wasn’t your responsibility.”
Teens: Respect Their Intelligence, Invite Their Voice, Keep Safety Direct
Teenagers can handle more nuance, and they often have strong feelings about fairness, accountability, and stigma. They may also have more exposure to suicide content online.
- “I want to be direct and honest. [Name] died by suicide. I’m here to answer what I can, and I will also tell you if I don’t know.”
- “People can die by suicide when mental illness, stress, substance use, or trauma narrow their thinking until death feels like the only way out. That doesn’t make it okay, but it helps explain how distorted thinking can become.”
- “If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself, I want you to tell me. I will not be angry. I will take it seriously and help you get support.”
If you are worried your teen may be at risk, do not rely on vague reassurance. Ask directly, calmly: “Have you had thoughts about killing yourself?” Direct questions do not plant the idea; they open a door for honesty. If there is imminent risk, seek emergency help. If you need immediate support in the U.S., you can contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
How To Answer “Why” When The Real Answer Is Complicated
Children ask “why” because their brains are trying to restore order. The goal is not a complete explanation; it is a stable one. A helpful approach is to separate causes from blame.
You might say:
- “We may never know every reason. What we do know is that [Name] was suffering, and their brain was very sick.”
- “Sometimes illness makes people believe things that aren’t true—like that they are a burden or that people don’t love them.”
- “Nothing you did caused this. And loving someone does not always fix an illness.”
If a child presses for details, you can hold the boundary: “I’m not going to share the specific details of how, because that can be scary and it doesn’t help your brain feel safe. What matters is that they died, we loved them, and we are here.”
For context, suicide is not rare in the U.S. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 49,000 people died by suicide in 2023. Knowing this does not reduce the tragedy, but it can reduce shame. Your family is not alone in facing something that feels isolating.
What To Avoid Saying (Even If You Mean Well)
Some phrases increase fear, confusion, or guilt. If you have already said one of these in the haze of shock, you are not a bad parent. You can correct it later. Kids benefit from repair.
- Avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “passed away” with very young children. “Died” is clearer and less scary than sleep-based language that can create bedtime anxiety.
- Avoid graphic details, method descriptions, or specific locations. Children do not need an image they cannot unsee.
- Avoid “committed suicide,” which can sound like a crime or moral failing. “Died by suicide” is clearer and less stigmatizing.
- Avoid statements that make the child responsible: “If only we had…” or “Why didn’t you…?” Kids will already try to carry blame.
- Avoid making the death about love: “They didn’t love us enough to stay.” A child may hear: “They didn’t love me.”
- Avoid secrecy mandates like “Don’t tell anyone.” Instead, teach privacy: “We can choose who we tell and what we say.”
When you are unsure, choose language that is honest, calm, and protective: truth without trauma.
Preparing Kids For The Funeral Or Memorial After Suicide
One of the most stabilizing things you can do is explain what will happen next in concrete terms. Children cope better when the day is predictable.
You might say: “There will be a memorial service. People will cry. Some people will hug. Some people won’t know what to say. You can stay close to me, and you can take breaks.” If there will be viewing or an open casket, think carefully and consult professionals about what is appropriate; after traumatic deaths, families often choose alternatives that feel safer for children.
Many families choose cremation, and cremation has become increasingly common in the U.S. The National Funeral Directors Association reports that the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025. The Cremation Association of North America reports a U.S. cremation rate of 61.8% in 2024, with continued growth projected. These trends matter because your child may hear the word “cremation” and need a simple explanation: “Cremation is a process that turns the body into ashes. We can keep the ashes, bury them, scatter them, or do a ceremony later.”
If your family is also facing cost decisions, it is okay to name that money and love can coexist. The National Funeral Directors Association lists the national median cost of a funeral with cremation (including viewing and ceremony) as $6,280 for 2023. If your child asks how much does cremation cost, you can say: “It depends on what we choose. Some options are simpler and cost less, and some include more services. We will make choices that honor [Name] and also take care of our family.”
For a practical comparison of common expenses and ways to evaluate providers, Funeral.com’s guide Average Funeral and Cremation Costs Today can help you plan with fewer surprises.
Memorial Choices That Help Kids Feel Included Without Overburdening Them
Children do not need to be “strong,” but many benefit from having a role. The role should be optional, small, and safe.
If your family chooses cremation, you may find yourself looking at cremation urns for ashes and wondering how to talk about them with children. A helpful approach is to explain function first, then meaning: “An urn is a container that holds the ashes safely.” Then invite gentle participation: “Would you like to help choose a color, or pick a photo for a memory table?”
Some families prefer a single, full-size urn kept privately at first. Others choose shared memorials, like small cremation urns for close family members or keepsake urns that hold a symbolic portion. If that approach fits your family, you can explore Cremation Urns for Ashes, Small Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes to understand what those categories mean in real life.
Older children and teens sometimes ask about wearable memorials. Cremation jewelry—including cremation necklaces—can be a private comfort, especially when grief feels public after suicide. If you want a gentle, practical overview before you decide, see Cremation Jewelry 101 and browse the Cremation Jewelry and Cremation Necklaces collections with your own emotional bandwidth in mind.
If your child asks where the ashes will be, it is common to consider keeping ashes at home for a time. You can frame it as a temporary or long-term choice, depending on what feels right: “We can keep them here while we decide what we want to do.” For a clear guide to legality and safe storage, see Keeping Cremation Ashes at Home.
Other families plan a future scattering or water burial ceremony when the initial shock has softened. If the ocean is involved, the rules are clearer than many people expect. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency explains federal burial-at-sea guidance, including that cremated remains must be released at least three nautical miles from land in ocean waters. Funeral.com’s guide Water Burial and Burial at Sea: What “3 Nautical Miles” Means can help you translate that rule into a plan that feels peaceful rather than stressful.
When A Child’s Questions Turn Into Fear (Or Risk)
After suicide, children sometimes become hypervigilant: “Will you die too?” “What if I die?” “What if my thoughts are dangerous?” These questions are often about safety, not curiosity. Your job is to steady the nervous system, not to debate philosophy.
You can say: “I hear that you are scared. I’m here. We are going to take care of your body and your feelings. When thoughts feel scary, we tell an adult.” Then return to routines: meals, bedtime rhythms, school pick-up plans. Predictability is grief first aid.
If your child says they want to die, wants to disappear, or talks about self-harm, treat it as urgent. Stay with them, remove access to means if you can do so safely, and contact professional help. In the U.S., the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can provide immediate support and guidance. If there is immediate danger, call emergency services.
How To Talk About A Pet’s Death After Suicide Loss (And Why It Matters)
This may feel like a separate topic, but many families are surprised by how often suicide loss changes a child’s sensitivity to later losses—including the death of a beloved pet. A child who has learned the words “died by suicide” may need extra reassurance that other deaths are not their fault, and that help is always available for big feelings.
If your family experiences pet loss, creating a simple, tangible memorial can be grounding for kids. Some families choose pet urns for ashes so a child has a safe place to put love. If that is relevant for your household, you can explore Pet Cremation Urns for Ashes, Pet Figurine Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Pet Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes. For practical guidance on choosing a size and style, see How to Choose the Right Pet Urn.
What Healing Looks Like: Repeating The Truth Without Freezing Life
After suicide, adults often feel pressure to “get it right” the first time. In reality, children metabolize grief in layers. They will ask again. They will understand differently next year. They may be fine for weeks and then melt down over something that seems unrelated. None of that means you failed. It means their minds are growing around an injury that wasn’t theirs to choose.
When you do not know what to say, return to what is always true: “I love you. You are not alone. You are safe with me. We can talk about this anytime.” And if you need support for yourself—because this is too much to carry alone—accept help without shame. The steadier you are supported, the steadier your child can be supported.
In the months ahead, your family may make decisions about memorials, traditions, and the physical ways you keep a bond. Whether that is a single urn, shared keepsake urns, a cremation necklace, a scattering ceremony, or simply a photo on a shelf, none of those choices are about “moving on.” They are about living forward while keeping love intact.
If you need a calm starting point for cremation decisions—especially if everything feels too heavy—Funeral.com’s guide How to Choose a Cremation Urn can help you understand materials, placement, and practical considerations at your own pace, so you can make choices that feel steady rather than rushed.
