There is a particular kind of quiet that settles in at the end of a veteran’s funeral. It might be at the graveside, at a committal shelter, or at the close of a memorial service indoors. People have been holding themselves together for hours—sometimes for days—and then the honor detail steps forward. The flag that has draped the casket, or accompanied an urn, is lifted with care. It is folded with deliberate precision. A few words are spoken. And suddenly, the room understands that this is not only a ritual. It is a handoff of love, service, and responsibility—placed into the arms of the family who will go home and live with what comes next.
If you are reading this while planning or grieving, you may be trying to answer practical questions that feel almost impossible to ask out loud: Who qualifies for this ceremony? What exactly happens during flag folding at a funeral? What is said during the flag presentation to next of kin? What does “the 13 folds” really mean? And how do you protect the flag afterward so it remains a lasting tribute?
This guide walks you through those details in a steady, human way. It also connects the flag ceremony to the wider reality of funeral planning today—especially when the veteran is cremated and the family is figuring out what to do with ashes, how to choose cremation urns for ashes, and how to create a home memorial that feels respectful without feeling overwhelming.
What the Burial Flag Represents
At many veteran funerals, the American flag is more than a symbol placed nearby. It is part of the honors themselves. The Department of Veterans Affairs explains that a burial flag is provided at no cost to drape the casket or accompany the urn of a deceased veteran who served honorably, and it is furnished to honor the memory of that service. You can read the VA’s overview on Veterans Affairs, and the VA’s detailed FAQ adds an important note that families sometimes don’t hear until later: the burial flag may be used for a casket or an urn, and it is then given to the family as a keepsake. (See the VA’s Burial Flags Frequently Asked Questions.)
That last part matters. Because once the ceremony ends, the flag becomes something private. It is no longer “the flag in the ceremony.” It becomes the flag in your home. The flag you will decide how to display. The flag you will protect from light, humidity, and time. The flag your children may one day ask about when the house is quiet again.
Who Qualifies for Military Funeral Honors and How to Request Them
Families often assume that military honors “just happen,” but they are typically provided upon request. A helpful starting point is the government’s overview at USA.gov, which explains that military funeral honors generally include the playing of Taps, the presentation of a U.S. flag, and a detail of uniformed personnel, and that the request is usually handled through the funeral director or an honors coordinator.
For the legal and eligibility framework, the Department of Defense publishes an official eligibility summary that explains who is eligible and who is not. The DoD notes that military funeral honors are provided upon request for eligible veterans, and it outlines eligibility in terms of service status and discharge characterization. (See the DoD document Eligibility to Receive Funeral Honors.)
In everyday terms, here is what families usually need to know at the planning stage:
- Most eligibility decisions hinge on proof of service and discharge status (often verified with a DD Form 214 or equivalent documentation).
- If you are unsure, the funeral director or honors coordinator can help confirm eligibility and connect you with the correct branch or local detail.
- If multiple relatives are involved, it helps to decide in advance who will be the designated flag recipient so the moment does not turn into a logistical scramble.
Separate from funeral honors, the burial flag itself has its own request process. The VA explains that families can apply using VA Form 27-2008 and that the application is typically brought to a funeral director, a VA regional office, or a U.S. post office. (See Veterans Affairs for the step-by-step.) The VA’s FAQ also notes that generally only one flag may be issued per veteran, which is why it is worth planning the recipient decision with care. (See VA Burial Flags FAQ.)
What Happens During the Flag Folding and Presentation
If you have never witnessed the ceremony, it can feel both solemn and surprisingly fast. The rhythm is intentional. The folding is performed with practiced steadiness, and the order of events often follows a familiar flow: the flag is handled with respect, Taps is played, the flag is folded into a triangular form with the stars visible on the outside, and then it is presented as a keepsake.
One of the clearest official references for what happens in that moment is the Department of Defense protocol published by Military OneSource. In their quick-reference brochure, they note that the flag is typically presented after Taps is played, and they describe how the presenter holds the folded flag and offers it to the designated recipient. (See the DoD protocol brochure: Flag Presentation Protocol.)
Families sometimes worry they will “do something wrong” as the flag is folded—where to stand, whether to look, whether to reach out. In most cases, the honor detail will gently guide you. If you are the recipient, you may be seated or standing. You may be asked to step slightly forward. You may find that you can barely hear anything except the sound of your own breathing. That is normal. There is no test here. There is only presence.
The folding itself follows a standardized procedure. The flag is held at waist height, folded lengthwise, and then folded again so the blue field is on the outside. From there, it is folded into tight triangles until only a triangular blue field of stars remains visible, with any protruding hem neatly tucked into the folds. (That step-by-step is also outlined in the same Flag Presentation Protocol.)
What Is Said During the Flag Presentation
Many families remember the words for the rest of their lives, even if they cannot remember anything else from that day. The words matter because they place the veteran’s service into the country’s voice. They also matter because they give the recipient a moment to receive—not only an object, but recognition.
The Department of Defense publishes standardized presentation language for funeral honors ceremonies. The Military OneSource protocol brochure includes the full wording and notes it is used for DoD funeral honors ceremonies. The script begins with a line many people recognize—“On behalf of the President of the United States…”—and it includes an expression of national gratitude for “honorable and faithful service.” To see the full standardized language exactly as published, refer to the brochure directly: Flag Presentation Protocol.
Sometimes the funeral director presents the flag (for example, if a military detail is not present). The same DoD brochure includes a shorter alternative that funeral directors may use, centered on accepting the flag as a symbol of appreciation for the veteran’s service. (See Flag Presentation Protocol.)
Taps: Why That Music Feels Like It Stops Time
People often ask about Taps because it can feel like the emotional hinge point of the entire ceremony. It is brief, but it fills the space. And it can be the moment when composure gives way—because music reaches places that words cannot.
If you want to understand why Taps is so closely associated with military funerals, the Association of the United States Army provides a detailed history that traces its origins during the Civil War and its adoption in funeral contexts. (See AUSA.) You do not need to know the history for the moment to be meaningful, but sometimes families find comfort in learning that this ritual has been carrying grief and honor for generations.
The “Meaning of the 13 Folds” and What Is Actually Official
It is very common to hear that each fold of the flag has a specific meaning, sometimes tied to religious themes or to the original colonies. Some families have heard a “13 folds” script read aloud at ceremonies and understandably assume that it is an official, government-prescribed explanation.
Here is the careful truth: many of those fold-by-fold meanings are traditional or ceremonial scripts used by particular groups, but they are not officially assigned by Congress or federal law. The U.S. Air Force has publicly addressed this issue, noting that neither Congress nor federal laws related to the flag assign special meaning to the individual folds, and that this misunderstanding was part of the reason a revised flag-folding script was developed. (See the Air Force article: U.S. Air Force.)
What should you do with that information? You do not need to correct anyone at a funeral. But it can help you make choices. If your family would find comfort in hearing a fold-by-fold script, you can ask the officiant or honor detail what will be read and whether it reflects a particular faith tradition. If your family would not find that helpful, it is also completely appropriate to keep the moment simple: fold, music, presentation, silence. There is dignity in both approaches.
Preserving a Burial Flag After the Funeral
Once the flag is presented, families often feel two things at once: gratitude to receive it, and fear of damaging it. That fear makes sense. The flag suddenly feels irreplaceable—because, in most cases, it is. The VA notes that only one flag may be issued for a veteran’s funeral and that it cannot be replaced if it is lost, destroyed, or stolen. (See VA Burial Flags FAQ.)
Most families preserve the flag in one of two ways: folded in a triangular display case, or placed in a shadow box with medals, a photo, or a nameplate. If you are searching for display cases for memorial flags, think in terms of protection first. The goal is to keep the flag away from dust, oils from hands, humidity, and direct sunlight.
The VA’s FAQ also includes a practical note that is easy to miss: the burial flag is not suitable for outside display because of its size and fabric, and it can be damaged by weather. (See VA Burial Flags FAQ.) Even indoor placement matters. Sunlight through a window can fade fabric over time, so consider a location that feels meaningful but protected.
- If you handle the flag again, wash and dry your hands first, and support it fully rather than letting corners drag or hang.
- If you store it for a time before displaying, keep it in a clean, dry area away from heat sources and moisture.
- If multiple family members want a flag, plan for one official flag and consider purchasing an additional commemorative flag for other households. (The VA notes only one burial flag may be issued per veteran. See VA Burial Flags FAQ.)
Some families later choose to donate the burial flag for ceremonial use in an Avenue of Flags program, where applicable. The VA mentions this option for certain national cemeteries. (See VA Burial Flags FAQ.) There is no “right” answer here. Some families need the flag close. Others find meaning in letting it be flown in a shared public tribute. Either decision can be an act of honor.
When Cremation Is Part of the Plan: How the Flag and the Ashes Fit Together
Many families still picture a veteran funeral as a casket and burial, but more families today are choosing cremation—sometimes for cost, sometimes for mobility, sometimes because it fits the veteran’s own wishes. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to be 63.4% in 2025, and the Cremation Association of North America reports a 2024 U.S. cremation rate of 61.8%.
What families sometimes do not realize is that cremation does not remove the possibility of honors or meaningful ceremony. The VA’s own burial-flag guidance explicitly notes that the flag may drape a casket or accompany an urn. (See VA Burial Flags FAQ.) That opens the door to memorials that feel traditional and respectful while still matching the practical realities of modern life.
If you are choosing an urn, it can help to think in two layers: the official elements (like the flag, certificate, or honors), and the personal elements (the urn, the place of remembrance, the keepsakes that make grief livable). Many families start with a primary urn and then decide later whether they want to share a portion of ashes.
At Funeral.com, families often begin with cremation urns for ashes as the central memorial. If you know you want something smaller for a shelf, a niche, or a second household, you may look at small cremation urns or keepsake urns designed for sharing. If you want guidance that feels practical rather than salesy, Funeral.com’s journal article How to Choose a Cremation Urn That Actually Fits Your Plans walks through real-world considerations like home display, burial, scattering, and travel.
Some families also choose cremation jewelry so a small portion of ashes can be kept close in daily life. If that idea resonates but you want the simplest starting point, cremation necklaces are often the most familiar format—subtle, wearable, and meaningful without requiring anyone else to “know” what it is unless you choose to share. For an educational overview, Funeral.com’s guide Cremation Jewelry 101 explains what these pieces hold and how families typically use them.
And then there is the question that sits behind so many decisions: how much does cremation cost? Costs vary widely by region and by whether you choose direct cremation or a service, but it helps to have a clear starting point. Funeral.com’s guide How Much Does Cremation Cost? explains common pricing structures in plain language, and the NFDA also publishes national statistics that can help families understand broad cost benchmarks. (See NFDA.)
After a service, families often need time before deciding what to do with ashes. Some choose keeping ashes at home while they process grief and plan next steps. Others explore options like water burial ceremonies, especially if the veteran loved the sea, fishing, or a life built around water. These decisions can be part of the same memorial story as the flag: honor in public, remembrance in private, and a plan that the family can live with over time.
When the Veteran’s Story Includes a Beloved Pet or Service Animal
It is also common—especially in military families—for grief to include the animals who shared the veteran’s life. Sometimes the pet was a companion in retirement. Sometimes it was a service dog. Sometimes it was “just” the dog who waited at the window every day and made the house feel safe. When those bonds exist, families sometimes want memorial choices that acknowledge both kinds of love without forcing them into separate boxes.
If you are honoring a pet as part of the family’s broader remembrance, Funeral.com offers pet urns and pet urns for ashes in many sizes and styles, including pet figurine cremation urns that capture a pet’s personality and pet keepsake cremation urns for families who want to share a small portion. For a gentle, practical guide, you can read Pet Urns for Ashes: Size, Design & Personalization Guide, which covers sizing and memorial choices in a grounded way.
This may not be every family’s story, but when it is, it often helps to name it. Veterans were whole people. They loved their country, and they also loved their family, their pets, their routines, their ordinary Tuesdays. A memorial can hold all of that.
A Few Practical Decisions That Make the Day Easier
By the time the ceremony arrives, most families are operating on low sleep and high emotion. A few small decisions in advance can prevent avoidable stress, especially around requesting military honors and the flag itself.
- Ask the funeral director early about military honors coordination, and gather service documentation (often DD-214) so eligibility can be verified. (See USA.gov.)
- Decide who will receive the flag, and tell the funeral director so the presentation is clear and dignified. (The VA notes the flag is generally given to the next of kin. See VA Burial Flags FAQ.)
- If cremation is planned, consider how you want the urn to be part of the memorial—whether a full-size urn, a few keepsakes, or a later decision after the service. Options can be explored through cremation urns, small cremation urns, and keepsake urns.
Finally, remember that it is normal to feel both proud and shattered at the same time. The flag ceremony does not “fix” grief. But it does something quieter and, in its own way, powerful: it makes service visible, it makes gratitude tangible, and it gives the family a steady ritual when everything else feels unsteady. If you find yourself holding that folded triangle later—alone, after everyone has gone—know that you are not doing it wrong. You are simply carrying love in the only way you can, one careful day at a time.
