A home altar doesn’t have to be religious to be real. It can be as simple as a small surface you return to when your mind keeps circling the same thought: I miss them. For many families, a quiet, secular remembrance space becomes a steady place to set down grief for a moment—especially when the rest of life keeps moving, emails keep coming, and the world feels strangely normal.
If you’re creating a memorial corner after a death, you’re not “doing it wrong” if you don’t know what you’re doing. There are no formal rules here. The goal is comfort and connection, not perfection. And if your person was cremated, the choices can feel even wider—because cremation urns for ashes, keepsakes, jewelry, scattering, and future ceremonies don’t require you to decide everything at once. That flexibility is one reason so many families end up creating home remembrance spaces in the first place. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to reach 63.4% in 2025. According to the Cremation Association of North America, the U.S. cremation rate in 2024 was 61.8%.
So if you’ve been thinking, “Is it normal to keep something at home?”—yes. It’s normal. And it can be deeply grounding.
Start with a place that feels calm, not performative
The best spot for a remembrance altar is the place you’ll actually use. That usually means choosing a location that feels naturally quiet: a bookshelf, a side table in a bedroom, a corner of a living room you pass without rushing, or a small ledge that isn’t constantly being bumped. If you live with kids, roommates, or pets, “calm” might also mean “stable,” “out of the way,” and “not tempting.”
If you’re keeping an urn at home, you might want your altar to be near you—but not in the center of traffic. Many families place a full-size urn on a higher, sturdy surface and build a simple, comforting arrangement around it. If you’re still deciding on a long-term plan, you can start by browsing cremation urns that are designed for display, then let the space you’re creating guide what style feels right. If you already have the remains home and want practical guidance, Funeral.com’s guide on keeping ashes at home walks through storage, stability, and the questions families commonly ask when the urn is part of daily life.
One helpful framing: think of your altar as a “soft landing,” not a museum. You’re building a space that supports you on ordinary days and steadies you on hard ones.
What to include (and how to keep it comforting instead of cluttered)
Most people start with a photo, because it makes the space feel like someone is actually being remembered—not just an idea of them. From there, the question becomes: what brings their presence into the room without turning your grief into a project? The answer is usually a small handful of items that carry meaning, plus enough empty space to breathe.
- One photo you can look at without bracing yourself
- One object that feels like them (a watch, a book, a ticket stub, a recipe card)
- One “living” element (a small plant, a stone, a bowl of water, a seasonal branch)
- One light you can turn on intentionally (a candle, a small lamp, or a battery candle)
- One place for words (letters, a notebook, a card you never sent)
If that list feels too structured, ignore it and follow this simpler rule: choose just enough items that you can name why each one is there. When you can’t name it, it’s probably clutter.
If the remains are part of your home memorial, you have options depending on what feels emotionally bearable. Some families want the primary urn present. Others prefer a small, discreet keepsake while the main container stays stored. Both are valid. If you want a smaller container for a shelf or bedside space, small cremation urns can fit naturally into a home altar without dominating it. If more than one person wants something tangible, keepsake urns are designed to hold a small portion and can be part of a shared family approach.
And if you’re creating a remembrance space after pet loss, the same approach applies—often with even more tenderness, because people can feel pressure to “move on” quickly. A pet altar might include a collar tag, a favorite toy, and a photo that captures their personality. If you’re choosing a container, pet urns for ashes include many styles that feel like home, not like a funeral home. Some families love the warmth of pet figurine cremation urns, while others prefer the simplicity of pet keepsake cremation urns for a small shelf display.
Light, scent, and sound: secular “ritual ingredients” that actually help
Ritual doesn’t have to be religious. Ritual is simply a repeated action that tells your nervous system, “You’re allowed to feel this here.” The most comforting secular rituals tend to use the senses—because grief lives in the body as much as it lives in the mind.
Light is often the easiest. A candle you light for two minutes can be enough to mark the moment, especially on days when you don’t have words. If open flame makes you anxious (or you have kids or pets), a battery candle still works. What matters is the intention: you choose to turn it on.
Scent can be powerful, but keep it gentle. Some people love a small essential-oil diffuser or incense; others find scent overwhelming when they’re raw. If you’re unsure, start with a neutral option like a simple candle or even a cup of tea that becomes part of your remembrance routine.
Sound can be a ritual, too. One song. One playlist. A recording of their voice if you have it. Or simply sitting in silence without multitasking—no phone, no scrolling, no “I should be doing something.” Just you, present.
When ashes are part of the altar: practical comfort matters
If you’re including an urn in your remembrance space, the practical details aren’t cold or clinical—they’re what allows you to relax. The steadier the setup, the less your mind has to worry about accidents. A stable surface, a non-slip mat, and a location away from direct sunlight or high humidity can help your space feel secure day to day.
It also helps to remember that a home altar doesn’t lock you into a permanent decision. Many families keep an urn at home for a period of time, then later decide on scattering, cemetery placement, or water burial. If you’re still thinking through the bigger question of what to do with ashes, Funeral.com’s guide on what to do with cremation ashes walks through meaningful options without rushing you. And if your family is considering a ceremony on the ocean or water, water burial planning can be approached in a calm, step-by-step way, so the day feels present rather than stressful.
If you’re worried about whether keeping remains at home is “allowed,” you’re not alone. In many places it is generally permitted, and what tends to get more rule-heavy is scattering or placement in public locations. This is another reason home altars are so common: they give you time—time to grieve, to talk as a family, and to decide later.
On anniversaries and hard days: simple rituals that don’t demand too much
Grief has a calendar, even when you wish it didn’t. There are days you can anticipate—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—and there are days that surprise you, like a random Tuesday when something smells like them and your throat tightens before you understand why.
On those days, the most helpful rituals tend to be small, repeatable, and kind. Consider choosing one or two that feel natural, and let them be “enough.”
- Two-minute candle ritual: light a candle, say their name (out loud or silently), then blow it out
- Letter ritual: write a few sentences—what you miss, what you wish you could say—and place it in a box or notebook
- Object rotation: swap one altar item seasonally so the space stays alive without growing cluttered
- Memory meal: make one food they loved, or one recipe they taught you, and eat it mindfully
- Walk-and-return: take a short walk, then come home and sit at the altar for one minute before rejoining the day
If you want something wearable for hard moments—something you can touch when you’re out in the world—cremation jewelry is often less about aesthetics and more about steadiness. Some people want a discreet piece they can keep private; others want something symbolic. You can explore cremation jewelry broadly, or start with cremation necklaces if you know a necklace would feel most natural. If you’re unsure how these pieces work, Funeral.com’s cremation jewelry 101 guide explains what to expect, how they’re typically used alongside an urn, and why “a tiny amount” is often exactly the point.
If you’re also trying to make practical decisions, keep them separate from the altar
A home altar can hold grief, but it shouldn’t have to hold every logistics conversation. If you’re in a season where you’re also making arrangements, comparing providers, or trying to understand costs, it helps to gently separate the emotional space from the planning space. That might look like this: the altar is where you remember; the kitchen table is where you make calls.
Cost is one of the biggest stressors families carry quietly, and it can color grief with a kind of pressure. If you’re asking how much does cremation cost, you’re usually trying to protect your family from surprise fees and regret. The National Funeral Directors Association lists 2023 national median costs for a funeral with burial and a funeral with cremation, which can help you understand “typical” ranges. And if you want a plain-language breakdown of what you’re paying for (and what tends to quietly raise the total), Funeral.com’s guide on how much does cremation cost walks through the line items and the questions worth asking.
There’s a reason this matters for a home remembrance space: when the practical side feels less scary, the emotional side has more room to breathe.
Let the altar change as your grief changes
Your remembrance space doesn’t have to stay the same. In fact, it probably shouldn’t. Early grief often needs simplicity: one photo, one candle, one object, and the permission to be quiet. Later, you might add a journal, a stack of letters, or a small keepsake that feels like a bridge between “then” and “now.”
Sometimes families also revise the altar when the memorial plan evolves. Maybe you start with the urn at home and later plan scattering. Maybe you keep a keepsake urn on the shelf and choose a different resting place for the majority of the remains. Maybe you add a piece of cremation jewelry because you’re traveling or because anniversaries hit harder than you expected. None of that means you’re indecisive. It means you’re human.
If you’re still choosing a container and want a practical starting point, Funeral.com’s guide on how to choose a cremation urn can help you match the urn to your real plan—home display, sharing, travel, burial, or a later ceremony—so the thing you choose supports you instead of adding stress.
The most important thing to remember is also the simplest: your altar is not a test. It’s a place to come back to love, again and again, in whatever way your life allows.
FAQs
-
Does a home altar have to be religious?
No. A home altar can be entirely secular. Think of it as a remembrance space: a small, intentional place for a photo, a candle, and a few meaningful objects that help you feel connected without requiring religious language or formal rules.
-
Is it okay to include an urn in a memorial corner at home?
Yes. Many families build a home memorial around cremated remains, especially when they’re not ready to make a permanent decision. If you’re keeping ashes at home, a stable, calm placement and a simple setup can make the space feel comforting rather than heavy.
-
What should I put on a secular remembrance altar?
Start small: one photo, one meaningful object, and one light source (like a candle or lamp). If you want, add a place for words (a notebook or letters) and one “living” element like a plant or seasonal branch. Keeping it simple often feels more comforting than filling the space.
-
How do I keep a memorial corner from becoming cluttered?
Use a “why” filter: if you can’t name why an item belongs there, it’s probably clutter. Limit the altar to a few pieces that you can care for easily, and rotate one item seasonally if you want the space to feel alive without growing.
-
What are simple grief rituals I can do at home on anniversaries?
Small rituals tend to work best: light a candle for two minutes, write a short letter, play one song, or make a favorite meal. The goal isn’t to do something elaborate—it’s to mark the day with kindness and a sense of connection.
-
Can I create a remembrance altar for a pet?
Absolutely. Pet grief is real grief. A pet memorial corner can include a photo, collar tag, toy, and a small candle or light. Some families also include pet cremated remains in a dedicated urn or keepsake as part of their home remembrance space.
