When two people build a life side by side, it’s natural to wonder what it means to rest side by side, too. After a cremation, that question often shows up in plain, searching words: spouses ashes together. Sometimes it’s a promise made quietly years ago. Sometimes it’s a decision a surviving spouse is trying to make through grief, paperwork, and phone calls, with family opinions drifting in from every direction.
Here’s the gentle truth: you can absolutely keep two people “together,” but there are different ways to do it—and they don’t feel the same emotionally or practically. The biggest decision is whether you want to keep cremains separate inside one shared memorial, or whether you want to mix ashes together permanently. This guide explains the difference between a companion urn and commingled cremation remains, plus the steps, consent considerations, and cemetery niche for two planning details that help families avoid painful surprises later.
Why this question is becoming more common
More families are facing these choices because cremation is now the majority disposition in the U.S. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to reach 63.4% in 2025. According to the Cremation Association of North America, the U.S. cremation rate was 61.8% in 2024. Those numbers matter not because statistics should lead the heart, but because they explain why practical questions—urn sizes, home storage, niches, sharing, and scattering—have become part of modern funeral planning.
And among those practical questions, the “together” question is especially tender. Sometimes it’s about romance. Sometimes it’s about faith. Sometimes it’s simply about logistics: one home, one shelf, one place to visit, one plan to pass down. Whatever the reason, the options are real. The goal is to choose the version of “together” that fits your family’s values and future needs.
Companion urns vs commingling: the difference in one sentence
A companion urn keeps two sets of cremated remains in one memorial container while staying separate (usually in separate bags or compartments), while commingled cremation remains means the ashes are intentionally mixed together so they can no longer be separated.
That sentence sounds simple, but the lived difference can be huge. Let’s walk through each option the way families actually experience it.
Companion urns: “together,” with separation preserved
A double urn for two—often called a companion urn or urn for couples—is designed to hold two people’s remains in one shared vessel. In many cases, it isn’t that the ashes float freely in one space. Instead, the remains stay in two separate containers (often two separate plastic bags or two inner boxes), placed together inside the outer urn.
This option tends to appeal to families who want unity without losing clarity. It allows a couple to be kept together at home, placed together in a niche, or interred together in a cemetery—while still respecting each person as an individual.
If you’d like to explore styles, you can start with Funeral.com’s Companion Cremation Urns for Ashes collection, which includes both single shared vessels and matched “left and right” urn sets designed to display side by side.
What “companion” can mean in real life
Families sometimes assume a companion urn is one big container where everything is poured together. In practice, companion designs usually fall into a few patterns. The exact structure depends on the urn, so it’s worth asking what you’re buying before you commit—especially if you’re searching phrases like buy companion urn and trying to make a decision quickly.
- Single vessel, double capacity: One urn sized to hold both individuals, typically with the remains kept in two separate bags inside.
- Companion urn sets: Two matching full-size urns (often “left” and “right” pieces) meant to sit together visually while keeping remains fully separate.
- Two-chamber designs: Some urns include an internal divider or two compartments, which can create emotional reassurance for families who prefer a clearly separated structure.
For couples who want to rest together but also want flexibility for future decisions—like relocation, travel, or burial in different places later—this is often the most practical option.
Companion urn size: why capacity questions matter
When people search companion urn size, they’re usually trying to avoid a common fear: choosing something beautiful and realizing later it doesn’t fit. The simplest way to approach sizing is to treat it like planning for a future you can’t fully predict. Even if one spouse has already been cremated, you may want the urn to accommodate both sets of remains from the start, so the second placement doesn’t become another stressful moment later.
If you’re already browsing cremation urns for ashes, you’ll notice size categories that can help: full-size urns, small cremation urns, and keepsake urns. A companion urn is usually closer to “two full-size capacities,” while small cremation urns and keepsake urns are typically for sharing, travel, or a portion reserved for a separate memorial plan.
For a broader look at styles beyond companion options, Funeral.com’s main Cremation Urns for Ashes collection can help you compare materials and designs with the placement in mind—home display, niche placement, burial, or scattering later.
Commingling remains: “together,” permanently
Commingled cremation remains means you intentionally combine two sets of ashes into one mixture. Some families choose this because it feels like the truest expression of unity: no divider, no two bags, no separation. For a couple with a shared identity—“we were one family, one team”—commingling can feel emotionally right.
But commingling also carries an important practical reality: it is effectively irreversible. Once ashes are mixed, you cannot truly separate them again. That matters if there is any possibility of changing plans later—such as a move to a different state, a cemetery requirement that changes, a family disagreement, or a future request to divide ashes among children.
Because commingling is permanent, it often works best when there is strong clarity on three things: shared consent, a stable final placement plan, and family agreement (or at least family understanding).
When commingling tends to cause unexpected stress
Commingling can become complicated when a family’s “together” vision changes over time. A surviving spouse may remarry. Adult children may want individual keepsakes later. A cemetery may require separate containers even inside a niche. Or one spouse may have expressed a wish to be scattered in a specific place while the other preferred burial. None of those realities make commingling wrong. They simply mean it’s not the right fit for every family system.
If you’re unsure, it’s completely reasonable to choose a “pause” plan: keep the remains separate for now, even if they will eventually be placed together. Many families find that time brings clarity.
Consent and decision-making: the part families underestimate
Before you choose a companion urn or decide to mix ashes together, take a breath and ask a simple question: who has the legal authority to decide, and what did each spouse actually want? Even in close families, grief can amplify misunderstandings—especially when siblings, adult children, or extended family members feel protective.
In many situations, the cremation authorization and disposition decisions follow next-of-kin rules and signed paperwork. Funeral homes can also be limited in what they can do without written consent from the authorized person. Because laws vary by state and family structures vary widely, it’s wise to speak directly with your funeral home, cremation provider, or attorney if there’s any disagreement or uncertainty.
If you’re the one making decisions and you’re trying to reduce future conflict, it can help to document your choice in writing and share the plan with key family members. That’s not about mistrust. It’s about reducing the chance that a future conversation becomes a future fight.
Practical steps: how families actually do this
The emotional meaning matters, but so do the steps. When families ask “how do we do this,” they usually mean: how do we place the ashes without making a mess, how do we label things clearly, and how do we make sure we’re not breaking any cemetery rules.
Step one: decide whether separation matters to you
If your answer is “I want them together, but I’m not comfortable mixing,” you’re likely looking for a companion urn or a paired set. If your answer is “we want them fully combined,” you’re thinking about commingling. If your answer is “I don’t know yet,” that’s not indecision—it’s wisdom. You can choose a temporary plan while you figure out the permanent one.
Step two: think in layers, not a single object
Many families assume they must choose one container that solves everything. In reality, modern memorial plans are often layered. A couple might have a primary urn for the home, plus a few sharing options for children, plus a future scattering or water burial plan. This is where what to do with ashes becomes less of a single question and more of a gentle roadmap.
If you want to share a small portion with family, you might explore Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes or Small Cremation Urns for Ashes. Keepsakes can support dividing cremains thoughtfully while still keeping a main plan intact.
Step three: transfer and sealing, done calmly
If you’re moving cremains into a new urn—whether it’s a companion urn or a single urn for commingled remains—most families want two things: dignity and cleanliness. A slow, prepared transfer can protect both. Funeral.com’s guide on how to put ashes in an urn walks through a spill-minimizing approach, including basic tools and sealing considerations. This matters even more when you’re placing two sets of remains into one memorial, because labeling and structure help prevent accidental mixing.
If you are commingling, consider whether you want to do it privately as a ritual, or whether you want the funeral home to do it as part of a documented process. Some families prefer the intimacy of doing it themselves. Others prefer the reassurance of a provider-led process with clear documentation.
Cemetery niche planning tips: what to ask before you buy
If the plan includes a columbarium or burial, cemetery niche for two questions should come early, not at the end. Cemeteries can have very specific rules about container types, engraving, liners, inner containers, and whether two sets of remains must be in separate containers even when placed in the same niche.
Before you commit to an urn—or before you decide to commingle—ask the cemetery (or the cemetery office at a church) a few direct questions. It can feel awkward, but it saves money and heartbreak.
- Does the niche allow two people, and if so, do they require separate inner containers?
- Are there maximum measurements for height, width, and depth?
- Do they require a specific material (for example, no glass, or no biodegradable materials in certain niches)?
- If we choose a companion urn, do you require a “standard” shape or opening style?
- If we want dividing cremains for keepsakes, is that allowed alongside the primary placement?
If you’re still in the early stages of funeral planning, it also helps to keep cost in mind. People often focus on the urn price and forget the cemetery fees, opening/closing fees, engraving, and niche costs. For a grounded overview of how much does cremation cost and how different memorial choices affect the total, Funeral.com’s guide on how much cremation costs can help you plan without getting blindsided.
If you’re considering water burial or scattering later
Sometimes the “together” plan includes nature: scattering in a meaningful place, or a water burial ceremony. If you’re planning burial at sea in U.S. ocean waters, the U.S. EPA explains that burials at sea must occur at least three nautical miles from shore under the general permit conditions. The EPA’s Burial at Sea guidance is a reliable place to start if you’re exploring this option.
If you’re weighing what a water ceremony can look like in practice, Funeral.com’s overview of what happens during a water burial ceremony can help you picture the process calmly—especially if you’re deciding whether the “together” plan is a single ceremony, two separate ceremonies, or a combination (for example, keep most remains together in a companion urn, and reserve a small portion for a scattering ritual later).
“Together” can also mean sharing: keepsakes and cremation jewelry
For some couples, “together” is a home urn. For others, it’s a shared niche. But for many families, it’s also about letting more than one person feel connected—especially when children live in different states or when grief shows up in private moments that don’t match a calendar.
This is where cremation jewelry can be meaningful. A cremation necklace typically holds only a tiny, symbolic portion, but that small presence can matter on ordinary days. If you want to explore wearable options, Funeral.com’s Cremation Jewelry collection and Cremation Necklaces collection allow you to compare styles, materials, and closure types. And if you want a clear explanation before you browse, Funeral.com’s guide to cremation jewelry 101 helps families understand what these pieces are designed to hold and how they fit into a broader memorial plan.
For families who are keeping a primary urn at home—whether it’s a companion urn or two separate urns—questions about keeping ashes at home often come with practical concerns: safety, respect, visitors, travel, and what happens later if the home is sold or downsized. Funeral.com’s guide on keeping ashes at home offers a steady overview of best practices and common considerations.
Pet loss and “togetherness” in the same home
Even in an article about spouses, it’s worth naming something families quietly carry: sometimes grief arrives in layers. A couple may lose a spouse and also want to honor a beloved pet who shared the household for years. While pets are a different kind of love, their memorial choices often overlap with the same questions—urn size, display space, keepsakes, and how to share memory across a family.
If you’re also navigating pet remembrance, Funeral.com’s collections for pet urns and pet urns for ashes include classic and decorative options, including Pet Cremation Urns for Ashes, Pet Figurine Cremation Urns for Ashes, and Pet Keepsake Cremation Urns for Ashes. Some families find it comforting to create a single memorial shelf that honors the whole story of a home—partner, pet, and the life they built together—without forcing everything into one container or one “right” way to grieve.
A gentle decision guide: choosing the option you won’t regret
If you’re trying to decide between a companion urn and commingled cremation remains, it can help to ask not only “what feels meaningful today,” but also “what will still feel workable five or ten years from now?” Grief changes. Families change. Logistics change. The best choice is the one that supports you without creating new pressure.
- If you want togetherness plus future flexibility, a companion urn or double urn for two is often the most forgiving choice.
- If you feel strongly that permanence is the point, and everyone is fully aligned, mix ashes together through commingling can be a deeply intentional step.
- If you’re unsure, it’s okay to keep remains separate for now and choose a permanent plan later.
And if you’re reading this in the first raw days after a loss, one more reminder matters: you do not have to solve every part of “together” immediately. A temporary container is not a failure. It’s a pause that gives your heart room to catch up to your responsibilities.
Closing thoughts
Wanting spouses ashes together is not unusual, and it isn’t sentimental in a shallow way. It’s often a form of care—one last way of saying, “You’re not alone.” The choice between a companion urn and commingled cremation remains is less about rules and more about fit: what you believe, what your family can carry, what your long-term plan requires, and what will bring peace rather than new conflict.
If you move slowly, ask the practical questions early, and choose an option that leaves room for the future, you can create a plan that feels both meaningful and steady—one that honors love, and also protects the people who are still living in its aftermath.
