How You Can Help When Someone is Grieving
The death of someone you love is shattering and life altering. The grief that comes with it can be lonely and disorienting.
Though you may feel totally ill prepared to support a grieving friend, it’s worth making the effort. Uncomfortable visits and avoidance from friends just add to the experience of loss following the death of someone they love.
Being supportive is actually pretty easy when you get past your own fears and discomfort. All that’s needed is an open heart, the ability to stay present and the willingness to listen.
Here are the ways you can support a friend through their grief:
1. Don’t pity them. People who are grieving need understanding and acknowledgement not pity or sympathy.
2. Don’t try to fix it. You can’t. Try being with their pain instead. Don’t take it over but allow yourself to be a witness to their pain. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but witnessing is powerful medicine.
3. Listen to their stories. People who are grieving like to talk about the death, the funeral, and the person who died. Ask questions even when you know the answers. Share photographs.
If you don’t know what to ask, maybe you could share your own memories. People who are grieving usually like to hear what others remember. If you have a photograph hidden away, make a copy and give it to them.
4. Talk about the person who died. When your whole being is focused on someone who has died, it is a burden when the people around you act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
Don’t worry that you’ll be reminding them of their loss. They haven’t forgotten. Generally it’s a huge relief to be able to talk about the person they’re grieving.
5. Allow them to cry or not as the situation warrants. Tears tend to come and go. All you need to do is be present and reassuring. You don’t need to say anything, just sit and wait. Remember tears are healing.
6. Stay in touch. Grief takes a long time but most of the support disappears after the funeral. Often the worst of the grieving happens 6 months later so let them know that you haven’t forgotten them.
Though these are just a few simple things that can make a world of difference, and they will mean the world to your friend who is grieving.
Susan L. Fuller is the author of ‘How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died’. She is a grief expert who has facilitated bereavement support groups, provided follow up bereavement services for hospice families and trained hospice volunteers . She is licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. For more information, go to: SurviveYourGrief.com
